Dear Family and Friends,
2008 is on its way!
May this be the year of all years and we remain happy, healthy and loved.
Here we go......
Monday, December 31, 2007
Dear Family and Friends,
Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald,
At the beginning of my shift, I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. "Big breaths," I instructed. "Yes, they used to be," replied the patient.
Submitted by Dr. Richard Byrnes,
One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a "massive internal fart."
Submitted by Dr. Susan Steinberg
During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with one of his medications. "Which one?" I asked. "The patch, the nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours, and now I'm running out of places to put it!" I had him quickly undress, and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see. Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body! Now, the instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a new one.
Submitted by Dr. Rebecca St. Clair,
While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, "How long have you been bedridden?" After a look of complete confusion, she answered... "Why, not for about twenty years -- when my husband was alive."
Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson,
I was caring for a woman and asked, "So, how's your breakfast this morning?"
"It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste," the patient replied. I then asked to see the jelly, and the woman produced a foil packet labeled, "KY Jelly."
Submitted by Dr. Leonard Kransdorf,
A nurse was on duty in the emergency room when a young woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered. It was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate surgery.
When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it there was a tattoo that read, "Keep off the grass."
Once the surgery was completed the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's dressing, which said, "Sorry, had to mow the lawn."
Submitted by RN, no name
As a young doctor doing his residency in OB , I was quite embarrassed when performing female pelvic exams. To cover my embarrassment, I had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly. The middle-aged lady upon whom I was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing, further embarrassing me. I looked up from my work and sheepishly said, "I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?" She replied, "No doctor, but the song you were
whistling was, "I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener."
Doctor wouldn't submit his name (Can't blame him!)
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
You read the questions, then type you answer into Google Images and then put one of the image representations on your blog. So, here goes....
Age on your next birthday?
Place I would like to visit?
(Great Barrier Reef in Australia)
(Shannon Falls, B.C.)
Name of past pet?
(Spike - red miniature doberman pinscher)
Where I live?
1st Grade Teacher?
(Mrs. Devore - died in a car accident when I was in 2nd grade)
Sometimes it just feels so good to laugh at some of the stupidest stuff. My nephew Brent and I got a kick out of reading some of these last night.
My favs are:
#34 Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
#57 Staple papers in the middle of the page.
#89 Pretend your mouse is a CB radio, and talk into it.
#111 When talking to someone, look at a spot about two inches to their right.
I really love #111!
Enjoy....sorry it's so long.
1. Specify that your drive-thru order is "to go."
2. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
3. Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will "swipe your grub."
4. Name your dog "Dog."
5. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."
6. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what you think."
7. Claim that you must always wear a bicycle helmet as part of your "astronaut training."
8. Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with a can of Lysol.
9. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
10. Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any moment.
11. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."
12. Tell 1-800 operators they sound gay and ask for a date.
13. Sew anti-theft detector strips into people's backpacks.
14. Hide dairy products in inaccessible places.
15. Order a side of pork rinds with your fillet mignon.
16. Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.
17. Tape pieces of "Sweating to the Oldies" over climatic parts of rental movies.
18. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints by the cash register.
19. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
20. Repeat everything someone says as a question.
21. Write "X - BURIED TREASURE" in random spots on all of someone's road maps.
22. Inform everyone you meet of your personal Kennedy assassination, UFO, and OJ Simpson conspiracy theories.
23. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?", "What?", "Never mind, it's gone now."
24. Light road flares on a birthday cake.
25. Wander around a restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.
26. At the Laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.
27. Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling as they read.
28. Ask people what gender they are.
29. Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts back in the tray.
30. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.
31. Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.
32. Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September.
33. Change your name to "John Aaaaasmith" for the great glory of being first in the phone book. Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each "a."
34. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
35. Chew on pens that you've borrowed.
36. Wear a lot of cologne.
37. Listen to 33RPM records at 45RPM speed, and claim the faster speed is necessary because of your "superior mental processing."
38. Sing along at the opera.
39. Mow your lawn with scissors.
40. At a golf tournament, chant "swing-batabatabata-suhwing-batter!"
41. Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "imaginary friend."
42. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.
43. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles."
44. Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.
45. Construct elaborate "crop circles" in your front lawn.
46. Make appointments for the 31st of September.
47. Invite lots of people to other people's parties.
48. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 99 copies.
49. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sensual massage."
50. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
51. Practice making fax and modem noises.
52. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc." them to your boss.
53. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophecy."
54. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.
55. Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room.
56. Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
57. Staple papers in the middle of the page.
58. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking" noise.
59. Honk and wave to strangers.
60. TYPE ONLY IN UPPERCASE.
61. type only in lowercase.
62. dont use any punctuation either
63. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
64. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "No, wait, I messed it up," and repeat.
65. Sing the theme to the Batman television show as loudly as you can, over and over and over.
66. Tell people their accent isn't fooling anyone.
67. Drum on every available surface.
68. Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.
69. Set alarms for random times.
70. Learn Morse code and have conversations with friends in public consisting of "Beeeep bip bip beeeep bip...”
71. Buy large quantities of mint dental floss just to lick the flavor off.
72. Leave your Nine Inch Nails tape in Great Uncle Ed's stereo, with the volume properly adjusted.
73. Dress only in clothes colored Hunter's
74. Wear your pants backwards.
75. Begin all your sentences with "Ohh la la!"
76. Rouse your roommates from slumber each morning with Lou Reed's "Metal Machine Music."
77. Leave someone's printer in compressed-italic-landscape mode.
78. Pay for your dinner with pennies.
79. Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.
80. Repeat everything someone says, as a question.
81. Leave tips in Bolivian currency.
82. Demand that everyone address you as "Conquistador."
83. Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.
84. When Christmas caroling, sing "Jingle bells, Batman smells" until physically restrained.
85. Wear a cape that says "Magnificent One."
86. Finish the 99 bottles of beer song.
87. Sing the "This is the song that never ends" song from Lampchop's Play-Along.
88. Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.
89. Pretend your mouse is a CB radio, and talk into it.
90. Drive half a block.
91. Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.
92. Cultivate a Norwegian accent. If Norwegian, affect a southern drawl.
93. "Forget" the punch line to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "real hoot."
94. Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious that you don't want to fall off "in case the big one comes."
95. Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers' brains, such as "Feliz Navidad," the Archies' "Sugar," or the Mr. Rogers theme song.
96. Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.
97. Ask to "interface" with someone.
98. Incessantly recite annoying phrases, such as "sticky wicket isn't cricket."
99. Stare at static on the TV and claim you can see a "magic picture."
100. Scuff your feet on a dry, shaggy carpet and seek out victims.
101. Never make eye contact.
102. Never break eye contact.
103. Construct your own pretend "tricorder," and "scan" people with it, pronouncing the results.
104. Give a play-by-play account of a person's every action in a nasal Howard Cossell voice.
105. Occasionally bark in a high-pitched voice.
106. Say "okay, you're gay" to anything someone says.
107. As people talk, smell their shoulders.
108. When in a conversation, look out the window, then say "Wait, start over. I wasn't paying attention."
109. Say to people, "Did you wear deodorant today?"
110. Place your shoes on the table.
111. When talking to someone, look at a spot about two inches to their right.
112. When standing near a "high-class person," ask them, "Excuse me, but do I have a booger hanging on my nose? I thought I picked it off."
113. Switch your neighbor's lawn furniture with someone else's.
114. Call into work and tell them you have something better to do today.
115. Buy goldfish and ask the clerk if they come with chips.
116. Sample every flavor of ice cream and tell the clerk what you don't like about each one.
117. Pick your ear wax and ask if you could use their sleeve to wipe it off.
118. Insist completely ridiculous things are true - like Bush is still President.
119. Speak in a strong Welsh accent.
120. Wear odd shoes.
121. Learn "Ice Ice Baby" by heart and recite it endlessly.
122. Disagree strongly with everything anybody says.
123. Throw stones at people walking past your house.
124. Keep changing the TV channel every two seconds.
125. Insist that Celine Dion is better than the Beatles.
126. Whenever anyone says something, laugh loudly as if they have just told an extremely funny joke.
127. Phone McDonald's and try to make a reservation for that evening.
128. Spend an entire weekend pretending you are R2-D2.
129. Phone random numbers and tell them you are holding their daughter hostage.
130. Recite the first 4,000 decimal places of Pi. Then ask if people want to hear it in binary, too.
131. Pretend you have gone completely deaf.
132. .sdrawkcab etirW
133. Walk into people's houses, go straight to the fridge without saying hello, and help yourself to their food.
134. Speak so quietly that people always have to get you to repeat it.
135. Loudly recite people's most embarrassing secrets in restaurants.
136. Play the electric guitar very loudly and badly, then when the neighbors ask you to turn it down, play even louder. When they come around to complain again, say, "Oh, I'm sorry. I thought you asked me to turn it up!
137. Try to fit the word "cornucopia" into every sentence you say.
138. Drive on the wrong side of the road.
139. Secretly learn to play the piano, and then go to a friend's house that has a piano. Claim you've never played before then play Jesu Joy of Man's Desiring perfectly the first time. Then say, "I guess I must kind of be a natural."
140. Go canoeing and sing the
141. Claim that until recently, you thought Michael Jackson was a woman.
142. Wear your cap backwards and say "Yo, wazzup?" a lot.
143. Go to a Metallica concert wearing a Michael Bolton T-Shirt.
144. Tell everyone you are Bill Clinton's cousin.
145. Take photos of people walking down the street and then run away.
146. Dedicate your life to politics, become president of the
147. Down a can of Coke in one drink and then burp loudly.
148. Insist that it was Bobby who shot J.R.
149. Bark like a dog whenever anyone says the word "the."
150. Wire up people's cars so the horn comes on as soon as their car is started.
151. Ride a unicycle to work.
152. E-mail Microsoft to tell them about bugs in Windows XP that aren’t actually there.
153. Stare at people for about five minutes, making sure they know you're staring at them. Then, slowly sneak up to them while humming the
154. Continuously mumble during a conversation.
155. Take off the eraser to every pencil in your house, or better yet, someone else's house.
156. When in a chat room, spell everything incorrectly.
157. Insist on "Weird Al" sing-a-longs.
158. On a hot summer day, ride up and down the road and drench pedestrians with squirt guns.
159. When walking down a main road, act like a drunk.
160. Wear nothing but white and go mud wrestling.
161. Walk up to someone eating. Lean over and stare at them intently until they notice. Continue to do so until they ask what you're doing. Reply, "I've been watching you eat for the last 30 seconds. You're weird!" Leave the restaurant.
162. When walking, talk to yourself constantly.
163. Move people's bookmarks ahead three pages when they aren't looking.
164. Call the operator. When asked, "Can I help you?" reply, "No thanks, just browsing."
165. Go to a gumball machine insert coins until you have a matching pair of fake eyeballs. After attaining these, record the theme song of The Twilight Zone over and over again. Drive down the street wearing the eyeballs and playing The Twilight Zone theme very loud. When you get pulled over, leap into the passenger's seat and claim, "He was here a minute ago, officer!"
166. On a night other than Halloween, get a few friends together and dress like Jason from Friday the 13th. Have each of you stand a mile apart on a highway.
167. After visiting the local donut shop, sit on the floor cross-legged and insist in a childish voice that you haven't received enough chocolate sprinkles.
168. Push a raisin into someone's cream-filled donut. (I don't get this one.)
169. Spread fertilizer on half your neighbor's lawn.
170. Add A535 (liquid heat) to that little hole down the center of someone's anti-perspirant.
173. Add blank entries to lists, to make it look like it's longer.
174. Call every pager number you know and leave the number for your local McDonald's.
175. Wash and scrub the trees in your front lawn.
176. Throw newspapers back at paperboys.
177. Tell people their fly is down when they're wearing sweat pants.
178. Stand on a busy corner. Gasp, look and point up. See how many people look.
179. At random times in a conversation, say "Hi," "Hello Sir, how are you?" or "Have a good day, thank you."
180. Put electrical tape over the headlights of someone's car.
181. Walk up to random strangers insisting you are family.
182. Dress like a "High-class rich person" and wash windows at random street corners. Demand a dollar in a British accent.
183. When a cop pulls you over, when they step up to your car, drive forward slowly and make them walk. Especially if it's raining.
184. In an office, lock all the doors behind you.
185. Face the back when standing in an elevator.
186. Grin so wide it hurts your cheeks at every salesperson in town.
187. When at an ATM, try to have a conversation with it, or pretend it stole your card. (This works best if there's a line.)
188. Unbend all the paperclips you can find, then replace every eraser you can find with a rubber band.
189. Ask people to prove everything they say. (e.g. "I'm Bob, nice to meet you..." "PROVE IT!")
190. Sharpen all your pencils to the same size EXACTLY.
191. Answer every question with another question. As soon as one of you says a statement instead of a question, shout "I win!”
192. Pose as a client at a bank or other professional institution, and when you are seated in front of their desk, keep rearranging the items on top into different patterns and tell them you are "just reorganizing things."
193. Instead of singing 99 bottles of beer on the wall, sing 999,999,999 bottles of beer on the wall!
194. Call every girl you know "dude".
195. Recite every song from the Playstation games PaRappa the Rapper and Um Jammer Lammy.
196. Bring a portable CD player to a concert and listen the CD because you insist that it is "Just better quality"
197. Press the "power" button on someone's computer or keyboard when they're almost finished typing up a long essay, story etc. Apologize sincerely; claiming that you thought it was the focus adjustment.
198. Call 911 and breathe heavily.
199. Take a shower. Feel guilty. Give it back.
200. Mow your carpet. (Or preferably somebody else's)
201. Vacuum your lawn. (See note on 200)
202. Recite Shakespearian poetry to everyone you meet.
203. Go to McDonalds and ask for a BK Whopper.
204. Order a pizza and ask them if they can "please put the crust on top this time" in an exasperated voice.
205. Every time someone asks you to do something or says something to you ask "Is that a threat?"
206. When in an elevator, in different voices, shout out random floors, and then watch as you get there, no one gets off.
207. Also, when riding up an elevator with a stranger, start singing a song that everyone knows, then expect them to start singing too. If they do not start singing, insist, "Everyone knows that song. Are you stupid?"
208. While walking make car noises loudly (Such as changing gears).
209. Whenever somebody says something, ask what the simplest word they said means. When they explain, ask what the simplest word in their explanation means. Repeat this for the entire conversation.
210. Go up to someone and say, "Are you annoyed by irrelevant questions?" And then walk away very quickly.
211. Finish each sentence with "Monkey See, Monkey Do".
212. Click your mechanical pencils or your pens during a test in school.
213. Pretend you are invisible.
214. Convince people you are deaf and talk in an incredibly phony sign language.
215. Spend all day at a fast food restaurant and see how long it takes before you have to pay for your "free" refills.
216. Continuously open your briefcase or bag and say into it, "Have you got enough air in there?"
217. While going down in an elevator scream, "AAAAAGGGGGHHHHH!!!! WE'RE GONNA DIE!", for no apparent reason.
218. Call everyone a communist.
219. Explain "the little green men" in detail to someone, and when they don't believe you, accuse them of being one in disguise.
220. Call your neighbors collect.
221. Whenever someone finishes a sentence say, "And then what happened?"
222. Page yourself over an intercom, but don't disguise your voice.
223. Send people annoying chain forwards with outrageous consequences like "If you don't send this to 300 people in 4 seconds you will die instantly" and then insist that it is true and it happened to your uncle.
224. When walking push an invisible cart and make loud squeaky noises.
225. Walk up to random people and ask them, very seriously, "Do you know the muffin man?"
226. Clear your throat every three or four words while speaking.
227. Look at your hand in amazement and say, "Whoa, I never knew I had this!"
228. While driving if you see a "How am I driving" bumper sticker, call the number and inform the operator that the driver is doing a great job.
229. When driving with companions in the car, every few seconds slam on the brakes and insist that a squirrel ran in front of you.
230. When driving with companions in the car, every few seconds slam on the brakes and insist that a squirrel ran in front of you.
231. Whenever anybody says anything to you. Respond by saying, "I know."
232. Sending this list to all of your friends through email.
233. Continue to ask someone "Is this annoying? Is this annoying?" over and over and over.
234. Tap someone on the shoulder repeatedly.
235. Begin every sentence with, "By the Gods!"
236. When you're in an argument, no matter what it's about, keep yelling "I don't see your name on it!”
237. When in public, pretend you are selling something in an infomercial.
238. At a restaurant, repeatedly send your food back for changes and after awhile insist that, "This isn't what I ordered!"
239. Go to a shoe store and try on every shoe, then say that you aren't interested in buying shoes and leave.
240. Put powdered sugar in your hair, sit down next to a stranger, and scratch your head a lot.
241. Turn on the Talk Radio Stations in your car, roll down your windows, and headbang.
242. Walk around with a plastic sword and shield and tell strangers "I must avenge the death of my father."
243. Scotch tape your door as an Anti-theft Device.
244. Super Glue quarters to floors.
245. Put the wrong date and year on the papers you hand in to your teachers.
246. Call random numbers and say "Hi, this is Julie from Baskin Robins. If you can name 31 flavors in 31 seconds you get a free scoop."
247. WRIGHT N
248. Get two cell phones and talk to yourself on them in front of other people.
249. Make a loud and abrupt noise when nobody is looking, then face the other direction when everybody looks your way, pretending the sound came from behind you. (Thanks Alex)
250. Lend a book to someone, but staple the middle together.
251. Lend someone a book, but rip out the climax.
252. When making a list use the same number twice.
253. Spel easy wordds rong.
253. Pronounce people's names wrong every time you meet them.
254. Laugh at everything they say.
255. Never laugh at what they say.
256. When talking to someone, tilt your head to the side.
257. Snicker at what someone said and say "I got the movie reference".
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
I woke up this morning and the weirdest thing happened.
I turned 40.
I should have just stayed in bed.
Stayed in bed, for sure!
My husband informed me this morning that he was taking me out for dinner and to be ready when he got home from work. He said my SIL was watching the kids.
I'm ready, the girls are ready, the phone rings. It's my cousin Quentin. He's calling to let everyone know that he found that he and his girlfriend are having a baby boy. That's exciting news for sure but what does he mean "everyone"? He said that his dad told him that he thought everyone was at my house for a birthday party. I told him they were not and he quickly changes the subject.
My suspicions are raised.
We drop the girls off at my SILs. We head into town and Bubba says, "Don't be mad but we're going to eat at Ziggies. They have this new dish that I've been eating and you just have to try it."
I'm thinking, 'Ziggies?!? You're taking me out to Ziggies on my birthday!?!? You have to be kidding!'
Being the nice person I am, I don't say a word but inside, I'm starting to wonder just how much he loves me. When we arrive, I'm scanning the parking lot for familiar vehicles for an indication of who might be inside. I don't recognize any of them.
We walk in and the waitress directs us towards a room at the back of the restaurant. I see the glass door to the room is obstructed by yellow streamers. AHA!
I bet "everyone" is here. I do not want to do this. I walk up to the door and try to peek in between the streamers to see who all is in there. I see my mom. I turn around to walk away from the door and Bubba pushes me inside. They all scream "SURPRISE!"
My whole family was there. Even my girls and my SIL.
I've never had a surprise party before. It was weird and awkward at first, but it turned out to be quite fun. Nothing like having a huge family and then have them all turn out just for me. I felt really special and loved.
Thanks Mom for doing all that for me!
Just you wait.....I'll get you back.
Saturday, December 8, 2007
Friday, December 7, 2007
This fun addition will consist of funny altered pics I come across while surfin' the innernets or that are sent to me in email.
Anywho.....here's the first installment of Phun With Photoshop.
Here's another email from my cousin, Chelsa.
I've seen this one before but it's still hilarious.
That's going to take some serious washin' to get all that off that baby.
I don't envy that mom at all.
Reminds me of my own little one who decided to put on mommy's makeup without her knowledge. It's one of my most favorite pictures of Kasey that I have.
Thursday, December 6, 2007
I get no respect.
I first sent this email to my mother and my sister hoping they would know what I was talking about.
Saundra Batson <> wrote:
I don't know if you all remember this or not, but back when I first got my computer, you all were messing around with a Christmas screen saver that would change from day to day. It would start out with a tree and a few ornaments, then each day the tree would become more decorated, presents under the tree would appear and you could see more snow falling and piling up outside. By the time Christmas Day came around, the room was fully decorated and the presents and tree were full. I want to say that somewhere in all that, there was a fireplace and a grandfather clock with a mouse that could be seen at times climbing up the side of it. The window showing the snow outside had a sort of Londony, vintage-y look to it with horses and carriages driving by.
I know I did not pay for this screen saver and seem to think I downloaded it from somewhere online. I have looked and looked and this makes about the 4th year that I have searched for this screen saver. I've done so many searches on Google with so many different configurations over the years, it's making me sick.
Do either of you know what I am talking about and have any recollection of where we found it at?
Remembering that around this same time, my Uncle Kevin had introduced us all to the Elf Bowling Game that went around and around and my thinking was that he also might have turned us on to this screen saver at the same time, so I sent a copy of this email to him. (The actual Elf Bowling game, not the virus of the same name.) I was hoping he could put me out of my misery and find the mysterious screen saver of old that I was looking for.
Here is his response:
I think the real issue isn’t that you’ve look for a screen saver for four years, although some may think this to be a little excessive.
Maybe your not looking for a screen saver at all. Is it possible your really looking to make a connection to your past computer childhood?
The holidays can be stressful for a lot of older people and we all want to capture this year as with all years that little bit of a past holiday that gives meaning and a sense of order to the current season.
Perhaps your desire for a simpler time is manifesting in the form of a screen saver from four years past.
The first thing is admitting you have a problem. Only then can you begin to truly heal.
I’ve written this little rhyme, maybe it will help.
You brightened each day when I didn’t move the mouse
That little Tree screen saver all snuggled up in my virtual house.
I didn’t remember to save you to a disk or CD now I’ve lost you forever how sad can I be.
You served me well though and never even cost me a buck I found you on a website what non-virtual luck.
Although I‘ll never see you back on my PC you’ll always be the only Screen Saver for me.
The only Little Tree… screen saver for me
Let the screen saver go Sandy, in the knowing that it lived a meaningful life keeping desktop wall paper “high chair baby pictures" and horrifying “our first puppy” shots from permanently burning into the CRT’s of countless monitors.
Let it go, it’s time to move on.
Your Uncle Kevin
I NEVER get a straight answer from him about anything! LOL
So, I am reveling in the fact that I had to do countless corrections of his spelling and punctuation just to save him the embarrassment of this being posted on the innernets for the whole world to see. And of course, he will deny those corrections adamantly. But if he would like for me to post a side by side comparison post, that can be arranged.
That'll teach him to mess with me! MuHaHA!
If anyone has any idea about the screen saver I am looking for, PLEASE please PLeaSE, for pete's sake, let me in on it!
This is a good one!
Why Parents Drink
The boss wondered why one of his most valued employees had not phoned in sick one day.
Having an urgent problem with one of the main computers, he dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whisper.
"Is your daddy home?" he asked.
"Yes." whispered the small voice.
"May I talk with him?"
The child whispered, "No."
Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Mommy there?"
"May I talk with her?"
Again the small voice whispered, "No."
Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, "Is anybody else there?"
"Yes," whispered the child, "a policeman."
Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?"
"No, he's busy", whispered the child.
"Busy doing what?"
"Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman," came the whispered answer.
Growing more worried as he heard a loud noise in the background through the ear piece on the phone, the boss asked, "What is that noise?"
"A helicopter." answered the whispering voice.
"What is going on there?" demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive.
Again, whispering, the child answered, "The search team just landed a helicopter."
Alarmed, concerned and a little frustrated the boss asked, "What are they searching for?"
Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle...
Read through this email forward I got from Uncle Doug and then I'll do a little "passive-aggressive" dissection for you.
The Budweiser Story
(not a joke)
This is TRUE!
How Budweiser handled those who laughed at those who died on the 11th of September, 2001...
Thought you might like to know what happened in a little town north of Bakersfield , California.
After you finish reading this, please forward this story on to others so that our nation and people
around the world will know about those who laughed when they found out about the tragic events in New York , Pennsylvania , and the Pentagon.
On September 11th,
A Budweiser employee was making a delivery
to a convenience store in a California town
He knew of the tragedy that had occurred
in New York when he entered the business
to find the two Arabs, who owned the business, whooping and hollering to show their approval
and support of this treacherous attack.
The Budweiser employee went to his truck,
called his boss and told him
of the very upsetting event!
He didn't feel he could be in that store with those
horrible people. His boss asked him,
'Do you think you could go in there long enough
to pull every Budweiser product and item
our beverage company sells there?
We'll never deliver to them again.'
The employee walked in,
proceeded to pull every single product his
beverage company provided and left
with an incredible grin on his face.
He told them never to bother to call for
a delivery again.
Budweiser happens to be the beer of choice
for that community.
Just letting you know how Kern County
handled this situation.
The Rest Of The Story:
It seems that the Bud driver and the Pepsi man
are neighbors. Bud called Pepsi and told him.
Pepsi called his boss who told him to
pull all Pepsi products as well!!!
That would include Frito Lay, etc.
Furthermore, word spread and
all vendors followed suit! At last report,
the store was closed indefinitely.
Good old American
Passive-Aggressive A$$ Whoopin!
Pass this along, America needs to know
that we're all working together!
If you can read this.
Thank a teacher...
If you are reading it in English....
THANK A SOLDIER!!!
If you do not send this
you have no soul !!!!
First off, according to Snopes, (which I use religiously when something in an email forward sounds too good to be true), this whole story isn't true. Not even a little bit of it. Which I kind of thought myself once I read that Budweiser just happens to be the beer of choice in that community and that the Pepsi man lived right next door to the Budweiser man. Dead giveaways right there that something is fishy with this story. Too many co-inky-dinks.
The second problem I had with this email is that in between some of those lines of text were these cartoon-y, animated yet still cheesy graphics, depicting such scenes as a Budweiser beer being poured into a glass, an oblivious Gomer Pyle-looking soldier saluting into thin air, and a crystal teardrop-shaped framed rose dripping into what looks like a pool of blood.
I spared you those and didn't post them all here........ok, wait, you probably should see the rose one, it's so cheesy.
(Well, the blood puddle won't come out right but you get the idea.)
Who is making these awful graphics? More so, who are the friends and family of these people that are telling them it's "so pretty"? Liar, liar, pants on fire.
The third problem I have with this is the incorrigible use of grammar and punctuation throughout the whole story. Yet, I won't mention the specifics because I too have my own hangups about how I use punctuation sometimes. But I can say with confidence that I am not near as bad with it as what I saw in this story. Yeah buddy, I'll thank my teacher alright, but of course, I'll thank myself first for at least half-ass paying attention in class when she was teaching grammar and punctuation.
Fourth problem I have with this email is the fact that someone took a very horrendous event in the lives of Americans and made up a completely bogus story about it. Sure it was supposed to be an uplifting story, and even though so many people reading this email would think otherwise, the fact is that none of it was true. That's just sick. What kind of person thinks it's okay to make up stories about things so terrible and so prejudiced against another culture? Nothing like a racist storyline to keep the memories vivid in our minds.
My final problem with this email forward is the very last line:
"If you do not send this
you have no soul !!!!"
WHAT?! Just WHO do you think you are?
How dare you threaten me, judge me, condemn me and basically predict the outcome of my life from here on out based upon whether or not I continue the vicious circle of forwarding stupid emails!
I have no soul if I don't send your crappy email forward to everyone in my address book? I have no soul if I choose not to forward to potentially thousands of people, your homemade novelette that doesn't even remotely have a grain of truth to it? I have no soul if I refuse to subject anyone else that I know and love the misery of looking at your "mad skillz" with a graphics editing program?
Then I guess I have no soul.
Note to all reading this:
Just for the record, my Uncle Doug did not produce the above email. He just forwarded it.
Note to Uncle Doug:
I love ya, but please stop the madness.
Tuesday, December 4, 2007
Sunday, December 2, 2007
Saturday, December 1, 2007
YES! My wishes have come true!
Have you seen these yet? WalMart has finally gotten on the "green" bandwagon.
They started selling these black reusable bags for $1. Surprisingly for WalMart merchandise, they are very well made, hold twice as much as their regular plastic bags and are 100% recyclable, made from 85% recycled materials (tag on them says made from approximately 4 plastic soda bottles). They are square bottomed which is a major plus when filling them. I have used them a couple times already and can tell that the cashiers aren't too thrilled with them. They are kind of clumsy to fill at the register compared to the hanging plastic bags that they are used to that can be filled much faster and easier.
I have used them more around the house than at the grocery store. They are very handy. They hold so much and the handles on them are just right, not too short and not too long.
I am tempted to take them to another grocery store to see if they will be accepted for use as an alternative to the plastic or paper bags they offer.
Only drawback about them that I have heard about is that these WalMart bags cost a penny more than Kroger sells theirs for and Kroger offers 5¢ back per bag per visit. I don't think WalMart is offering anything back on theirs, at least not that I have heard.
I'd also like to know if they can be laundered. It doesn't say anything about it on the tag.
It's a step in the right direction for WalMart. I have to say that I am a little bit proud of them for finally doing something for the greater good of everyone instead of just their company and their bottom-line.