Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Bedsheet with Rules

No more hogging the sheets!

I could benefit from a set of these. I always get the short end of the sheets.

Couple can be a game or a monitoring system.
The ruler is printed so as to be readable from inside the bed.
The numbering rises outwards and from warm to cold colours.
Each person knows how much he or she can pull and how far apart the couple rests.

Snapes On A Plane

Only Harry Potter fans are going to get this one!

By the way, I'm just finishing Book 6 and can't wait for the last book to come out. I'll be sorry to see it all end.

The Cleanest Scrapyard In The World

How many times have you passed by a scrapyard and thought, "Boy, what a mess!"? I have no idea where this is but I love the looks of it. If all scrapyards were this organized, it might cut down on the vermin problem in some places.


Monday, March 19, 2007

I Love These Rugs!

How fun!!

Street style for your home! A New York City, Boston, Chicago, Los Angeles, San Francisco, Paris, London or Metro sewer manhole cover rug... What a clever visual pun!

Made of 100% recycled truck tires. They're a huge 24" in diameter, nylon flocked, super durable, indoor/outdoor floor mats.

Found at Perpetual Kid

Chicken Norris

In lieu of the usual Chuck Norris jokes, I give you this gem from the Savage Chickens.
Gotta love the Chickens!

Quotes from Steven Wright - Part 5


When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.

Boycott shampoo! Demand the REAL poo!

Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.

A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.

The colder the X-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.

The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.

The severity of the itch is proportional to the reach.

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.

Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.

The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.

Change is inevitable....except from vending machines.

A fool and his money are soon partying.

Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.

Sunday, March 18, 2007

Happy Birthday, Momma!

I love you very much! You're such a beautiful person!
I hope you have the best day ever today!

Dale Earnhardt Movie

Not only am I huge NASCAR fan, Dale Earnhardt was my man back when the racing was good. The day he died was a massive shock for me. I'd always considered him invincible on the track. But even the best of the best lose the race every once in a while. For me, Dale Earnhardt has been missed since that tragic day.

I can't wait to see this documentary. Unfortunately it probably won't be shown in theaters in this area but will be coming out on DVD soon.

Narrated by Paul Newman, this 100-minute documentary provides the most accurate presentation of Earnhardt's career and life. This moving tribute is told through archival race footage, never-before-seen family home videos and interviews with Earnhardt himself. His fiercest competitors and most avid fans share memories of him on the track. And his family and closest friends give insight to the man behind The Intimidator persona. The film "Dale" illustrates the depth of Earnhardt's influence in the racing world and beyond. Produced with the support and endorsement of the Earnhardt family and Richard Childress Racing, it's a must-see for every fan.

Memory Stick

Get it? Memory STICK? Buuwaahahah!


Dave Barry's 25 Things I Have Learned In 50 Years

I found these pretty funny. Gotta love Dave Barry!

25 things I have learned in 50 years!

1. The badness of a movie is directly proportional to the number of helicopters in it.

2. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight-saving time.

3. People who feel the need to tell you that they have an excellent sense of humor are telling you that they have no sense of humor.

4. The most valuable function performed by the federal government is entertainment.

5. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.

6. A penny saved is worthless.

7. They can hold all the peace talks they want, but there will never be peace in the Middle East. Billions of years from now, when Earth is hurtling toward the Sun and there is nothing left alive on the planet except a few microorganisms, the microorganisms living in the Middle East will be bitter enemies.

8. The most powerful force in the universe is gossip.

9. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status, or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we all believe that we are above-average drivers.

10. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age 11.

11. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."

12. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.

13. There apparently exists, somewhere in Los Angeles, a computer that generates concepts for television sitcoms. When TV executives need a new concept, they turn on this computer; after sorting through millions of possible plot premises, it spits out, "THREE QUIRKY BUT ATTRACTIVE YOUNG PEOPLE LIVING IN AN APARTMENT," and the executives turn this concept into a show. The next time they need an idea, the computer spits out, "SIX QUIRKY BUT ATTRACTIVE YOUNG PEOPLE LIVING IN AN APARTMENT." Then the next time, it spits out, "FOUR QUIRKY BUT ATTRACTIVE YOUNG PEOPLE LIVING IN AN APARTMENT." And so on. We need to locate this computer and destroy it with hammers.

14. Nobody is normal.

15. At least once per year, some group of scientists will become very excited and announce that:

* The universe is even bigger than they thought!

* There are even more subatomic particles than they thought!

* Whatever they announced last year about global warming is wrong.

16. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings."

17. The main accomplishment of almost all organized protests is to annoy people who are not in them.

18. The value of advertising is that it tells you the exact opposite of what the advertiser actually thinks. For example:

* If the advertisement says "This is not your father's Oldsmobile," the advertiser is desperately concerned that this Oldsmobile, like all other Oldsmobiles, appeals primarily to old farts like your father.

* If Coke and Pepsi spend billions of dollars to convince you that there are significant differences between these two products, both companies realize that Pepsi and Coke are virtually identical.

* If the advertisement strongly suggests that Nike shoes enable athletes to perform amazing feats, Nike wants you to disregard the fact that shoe brand is unrelated to athletic ability.

* If Budweiser runs an elaborate advertising campaign stressing the critical importance of a beer's "born-on" date, Budweiser knows this factor has virtually nothing to do with how good a beer tastes.

19. If there really is a God who created the entire universe with all of its glories, and He decides to deliver a message to humanity, He will not use, as His messenger, a person on cable TV with a bad hairstyle.

20. You should not confuse your career with your life.

21. A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.

22. No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.

23. When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that individual is crazy.

24. Your friends love you anyway.

25. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

Dave Barry


Friday, March 9, 2007

Chris Leslie - Hero

By now, I'm sure some of you have heard about Chris Leslie and his heroic act in saving a little girls life recently. I happened to catch video of the incident on the news several days ago.

Leslie, who has been a bus driver for City Utilities of Springfield for eight years, said it began like every other work day.

"I was driving east on Sunshine like any other day," he said. "It was 2:30 in the afternoon on a Tuesday, which for some reason are really busy days, and I heard the bell go off-it was a lady that rides a couple times a week."

Leslie, a 1987 graduate of Ozark High School, said he stopped the bus and opened the door while the mother of two worked her way to the front of the bus pushing a stroller, the 3-year-old girl taking the lead. Despite her mother's warnings-as well as Leslie's "wait for your mother"-the girl said "bye," stepped off the bus and began heading towards oncoming traffic.

"She went around the front and just kept on going," Leslie said. "Her mom was hollering at her to stop. I beeped my horn and at the same time was undoing my seat belt. I could just tell she wasn't going to stop."

Leslie then jumped off the bus and ran after the girl, picking her up just as the car in the other lane was working to come to a stop. Leslie said the girl was two to three feet into the lane.

"I didn't think about it. I just knew how busy that road is and a kid that age isn't going to look for traffic," he said.

Leslie gave the girl to her mother, whom he said "instantly grabbed her and was hugging her." He then had to take a few minutes to compose himself before getting back on the road.

I bet he thinks twice about just stopping and opening the door the next time a little child steps up into his bus.
Way to go, Chris!

Newt Gingrich vs Bill Clinton

Ok...what the hell is going on? Are there ANY upstanding, moral people in the White House anymore? I am so sick of our government and how it portrays itself.

Rather than elaborate on any of this (I'll just end up getting myself worked up and I'm not in that mood right now), I'll let you click a few links and read up on what the hulabaloo is now.

To summarize, Newt Gingrich, former Speaker of the House, has admitted to an affair that he had back when he was leading the charge against Bill Clinton for having one when he was President. I'm sure you remember all that.
Anyway, this is the first that I've ever heard about Gingrichs affair that began back in 1998 with a House of Representatives employee.
Now, Gingrich and a few other hypocrites have thrown their immoral hats into the ring and are in the running for POTUS.

Here are a few links to articles I found when doing a search about this topic. I do not normally peruse these sites, they're just links I got off of Google.

These are older articles:
Gingrich: Do As I Say, Not As I Do
Who's On The Moral High Ground Now?
High Infidelity: What if three admitted adulterers run for president and no one cares?

These are articles that have come out over the last couple days:
Gingrich Admits To Extramarital Affair
Somebody Buy Newt Gingrich A Dictionary
Newt Gingrich Admits To Having Affair While Leading Clinton Probe

Side Note : I won't even go into the extramarital affairs John McCain and Rudy Giuliani have had in the past.
Giuliani needs to pack his bags and go home. He's running for POTUS solely on the ill-perceived notion that being the extremely likable, sensitive and brave Mayor of the city of New York during 9/11 is going to get him enough votes to be POTUS. I say, he doesn't have enough experience to be POTUS. Who goes from being a mayor to being the President?

And I strongly believe Jerry Falwell and Jesse Jackson need to butt out of anything and everything political. What ever happened to seperation of Church and State? Those two really piss me off!

Chicken Blog I know how this feels. Sometimes I wonder if there is anyone out there.

Fag or Faggot

After seeing a bit on the news about Ann Coulter and her so-called "faux pas" calling John Edwards a faggot, I got to thinking about the time a few years ago that I was on a camping trip at Roaring River with nearly my entire family. One late afternoon, in one conversation among many at this one table, I playfully called my aunt a fag as I was sitting next to my cousin and her partner who just happen to be lesbians.

Here's how it went down:
My aunt had gone on a flea market excursion in Eureka Springs during one day of the trip. I love flea markets. I would have jumped at the chance to go. Yet, she didn't ask me. And yes, I was just a tiny bit upset that she didn't.
As soon as she told me that she had just come back from this *~*wonderful*~* little*~* flea*~* market*~* in*~* downtown*~* Eureka*~*, I looked at her, squinted my eyes and said, "Oh, you fag."
Immediately I felt like I had been hit in the chest with a sledgehammer. My first thought was, that what I had just said and who I just happened to be sitting next to, would not mix. Being the cool chicks that they are, I don't think my cousin would have really even cared that I said it and her partner probably wouldn't care either. Still, I immediately got bug-eyed, figgity and tried stuttering and stammering my way into a change of subject as best as I could. This was no easy feat with my aunt sitting across the table from me, half-assed trying not to laugh. I'm sure I sounded like Porky Pig on crack trying to quickly think of something else to talk about. I felt like a complete idiot. Turns out they didn't hear me but I was immensely embarassed just the same. It was nothing more than one of a million "open mouth, insert hoof" moments in a day in the life of Sandy.

When I was younger, (child of the late 70's, early 80's that I was), saying the word fag or faggot didn't have the meaning or the impact that it does these days. I guess because there weren't as many gay people willing to speak up against it. Everyone said it. But not now. I mean, years ago, who would have ever thought that there would be gay people crawling out of the woodwork like there is now. Certainly not me. I never knew anyone that was gay. I thought gay people all lived in far off places like California, Colorado or Canada. No one in my tiny town of 300 was gay that I knew about. And certainly, never did I think in a million years that someone in my family would turn out to be gay. That's just how naive I was about it when I was younger. Fag was a demeaning and derogatory name but it just didn't have the impact that it does now. Because of the voices of millions, it's now very offensive to call someone a fag or a faggot. And I completely agree with them now. But back then, I would have never thought it would come to that. Man, how times change. And how quickly!

In England, a fag is a cigarette. Figure that one out.



I cannot get this game out of my head. I love it. It's very addicting!

Help: Use your mouse only, left click to remove an area of hexagons. Area has to consist of 2 or more hexagons. The larger the area the more points you get. You have some bonus items to help you clearing the level (see bonus items panel). Level is completed when all blocks are removed. Game is over when there are no more moves and no more bonus items.

Cassette Generator

Look what I found stuffed in a box in my garage!
An oldie but goodie!

Cassette Generator

Via Say No To Crack

Thursday, March 8, 2007

Printable Cold Sores

The blog suggests sticking them on billboard advertisements as rebellion against the fashion industry and its teams of photo retouchers.

I say stick them on the top or bottom lips of your friends and family members so they can get a sense of how it feels to have someone stare at it constantly while you are talking to them. Man, I hate that.

Printable Cold Sores

Baby Tattoos

WHO in their right mind.........?

Not As Bad As It Used To Be?

I had to make two phone calls yesterday. One to AT&T, one to DishNetwork.
I can't stand making phone calls to big name corporations. So normally I put off making these types of phone calls for as long as I possibly can.
Why, you ask?
Because I'd rather scrape out my eyeballs with a melon baller than try to talk to a person with a thick foreign accent over the telephone!
Compile that aggravation on top of the precious time I waste going through the 27 button automated menu, being put on hold for 20 minutes waiting to talk to a real person and you got yourself a woman on the edge there.
I'm sorry, I can't help it! This is one of the biggest pet peeves of mine.
I have nothing against people from other countries. I don't blame them for wanting to come to America. I love it here. I wholeheartedly invite them to join me here in the "Land of Opportunity". Just get their papers in order, start paying their taxes, learn the language and begin enjoying the benefits of democracy like I do.
But......I, plead......better yet, implore them NOT to get a job talking to people on the telephone.
(Unless they're from England. I love an English accent.)
Who does the hiring at these places? Don't they speak to these people face to face before they hire them? Why aren't they made to take a telephone test beforehand or anything that might give them a hint that this person can hardly be understood when handed a script and left to field incoming calls all by themselves? If I had a nickel for every time I've had to ask someone with an accent to repeat themselves, I'd own AT&T right now.

Luckily, both phone calls resulted in nice, calm resolutions to all my problems. I spoke to several people at AT&T and none of them had an accent. I spoke to one person at DishNetwork and she was as sweet and helpful as she could be and I didn't have to ask her to repeat herself several times before the call was over. Even though I still had to wait on hold for several minutes with each call, I was pretty happy with the manner in how each call went so smoothly after someone finally picked up my line.

Could this be a sign of good things to come in the ever-changing world of customer service? I certainly hope so. I hope the outcome of both of my calls wasn't just a stroke of good fortune.

Now, if Tracfone would just get with the program. That place is a linguistical nightmare!

Wednesday, March 7, 2007

I felt like such an idiot!

To give you some background.....
It's been a terrible winter. One of the worst I've seen in my short 39 years on this planet. And the snow wasn't even the worst part of it. It's been the cold temperatures........very cold. And on top of the cold, the winds have been the worst part of it. Bitterly cold winds. Hurt your skin winds. Non-stop winds for days on end.

But the last couple days have been very nice. Pleasantly 60ish during the day, hardly any wind to speak of. Beautiful sunny days. The beginning of Spring, I wanna say, without the first day of Spring even being here yet.

Anyhoo.......I have to take Korey up to Springfield today to get her vaccination shots. First, I need to stop for gasoline.
I pull up to the pumps, get out and shove the hose into the tank and proceed to lean back on the car. As I am doing this, I notice this guy at the pump on the other side leaning against the back of his minivan.
I know of this guy. I've seen him out jogging in our neighborhood many, many times. I assume he lives not far from me but I don't know where exactly. The reason I notice this guy so much is because for reasons unbeknownst to me, he is burned on his face and hands. Not just in spots but all over his face and hands. I've always wondered what happened to him. Whatever it was, it was very bad.
Now normally seeing this kind of tragedy doesn't bother me. I'm not one to stare. I treat people equally no matter what they look like or where they are from and I make it a point to be nice.

I see he's looking in my direction and I strike up a conversation. Weather is always a good start.
I comment on how I wish we could have more days like this because I am really sick of winter.
He replies that he likes winter but something to the effect that days like this are nice too and we're probably in for more than less.
I reply that I hope so because this has been a bad winter for us and I am really sick of the extremely cold winds we've had lately.
He replies, "Oh yeah, the winds have been really bad lately."
I then say, "Why do they have to be so harsh? They hurt..........hurt so bad it burns your face when you go outside."


OMG.....I have no doubt that I went completely red in the face at that moment. I know he said something else after that but I really couldn't tell you what it was because my mind went into idiot stutter mode after that.
I said something to the effect about having a nice day and proceeded to walk as fast as I could in to pay for my gas.
I felt like such a dip. I'm sure he knows I meant nothing by it but I still can't help feeling like I offended him in some way. Oh brother.

Just another day of being Sandy. Be blessed that you're not inflicted with this disease.

New Dollar Coin Errors!

Check those new dollar coins! Mint goofed and left "In God We Trust" off some.

USAToday writes:

An unknown number of new George Washington dollar coins were mistakenly struck without their edge inscriptions, including "In God We Trust," and made it past inspectors and into circulation, the U.S. Mint said Wednesday.

The properly struck dollar coins, bearing the likeness of George Washington, are inscribed along the edge with "In God We Trust," "E Pluribus Unum" and the year and mint mark. They went into circulation Feb. 15.

The mint struck 300 million of the coins, which are golden in color and slightly larger and thicker than a quarter.

About half were made in Philadelphia and the rest in Denver. So far the mint has only received reports of error coins coming from Philadelphia, mint spokeswoman Becky Bailey said.

Bailey said it was unknown how many coins didn't have the inscriptions. Ron Guth, president of Professional Coin Grading Service, one of the world's largest coin authentication companies, said he believes that at least 50,000 error coins were put in circulation.

I'm still alive!

I'm here. I'm alive. I'm just busy.
The onset of Spring makes me think of things to do that I normally wouldn't do during the winter months and I have been busy with them. Plus, the arrival of income taxes keeps me busy tying up loose ends in the billing department and "Things I Gotta Have" department.
But I'm still here and I have many, many posts to put up for you but not today. I'll start a new routine tomorrow and get up something for you to peruse.
In the meantime, enjoy these quotes from Steven Wright and these hilarious Chuck Norris jokes.

Quotes from Steven Wright - Part 4


When I was a kid, I went to the store and asked the guy, Do you have any toy train schedules?

When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child... eventually.

When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any firearms with me. I said, "Well, what do you need?"

When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, "Did you sleep good?" I said "No, I made a few mistakes."

Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.

Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song? The guy who wrote that song wrote everything.

You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand.

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.

OK, so what's the speed of dark?

How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?

If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.

When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.

Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.

Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.

Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.

I intend to live forever - so far, so good.

Join the Army, meet interesting people, kill them.

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

Dancing is a perpendicular expression of a horizontal desire.

Chuck Norris Jokes - Part 2

Chuck Norris is Luke Skywalker's real father.

Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will simply change the actual spelling of it.

Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills People.

There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.

Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk and Kill.

The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer

When Chuck Norris crosses the street, the cars have to look both ways.

When Bruce Banner gets mad, he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad, he turns into Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.

Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.

When you open a can of whoop-ass, Chuck Norris jumps out.

When Chuck Norris calls 1-900 numbers, he doesn’t get charged. He holds up the phone and money falls out.

Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.

A Chuck Norris-delivered Roundhouse Kick is the preferred method of execution in 16 states.

Chuck Norris doesn't actually write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear.

In honor of Chuck Norris, all McDonald's in Texas have an even larger size than the super-size. When ordering, just ask to be Chuck-sized.

While urinating, Chuck Norris is easily capable of welding titanium.

When Chuck Norris talks, everybody listens. And dies.

Wilt Chamberlain claims to have slept with more than 20,000 women in his lifetime. Chuck Norris calls that "a slow Tuesday."

Contrary to popular belief, there is indeed enough Chuck Norris to go around.

Chuck Norris doesn’t shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.

For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Chuck Norris, each testicle is larger than the other one.

When taking the SAT, write "Chuck Norris" for every answer. You will score over 8000.

Nobody doesn't like Sara Lee. Except Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris doesn't throw up if he drinks too much. Chuck Norris throws down!