A Day of Frustrations

I am having a bad day. I woke up feeling okay but as the day goes on, more and more crap just keeps adding to my pile of frustrations.
I am frustrated about a number of things and sadly, I don't know if it's me or not, I can't figure out how to solve the problems.
I just want to scream. A real belly-busting primal scream at the top of my lungs. But I'm sure someone would call the cops on me.
I can't scream. I can't cry. All I can do is write about it.
I am frustrated at having to live my life based around other peoples schedules. I feel like I am in a constant state of waiting on someone, for something.
I am tired of waiting for DSL to become available in my area. %(*&#!@* AT&T!
I am tired of waiting to put our house up on the market and move out of this godforsaken tiny house and noisy neighborhood.
I am tired of waiting until my kids get older so I can do this, that and the other.
I am tired of people telling me one thing and doing another.
I am tired of being there for others but no one being there for me.
I am tired of people wanting me to do the things they want to do but not wanting to do the things I want to do.

I am sick of cleaning this house and as soon as I turn around, it is a disaster again.

*****

The Amish Friendship Cinnamon Bread I made yesterday was so good. I made my starters to give to friends. I even redid the instruction sheet so it was all nice and neat. The other one looked like it had made the rounds one too many times.
No one wants a starter. NO.ONE.
I feel good about making the bread because it is quite delicious but I don't have words to explain the looks, the comments and the lack of excitement from anyone about making their own. It was fun but I won't be doing anything like it in the future because this particular project felt like a waste of time since I couldn't share it afterwards. I am alone in trying anything just for the fun of it. I seriously don't know what is wrong with people. They are either too busy or think they are too busy to enjoy the simpler things in life anymore.

*****

I did a bit of uncluttering in the youngest ones toy box yesterday. I threw away a lot of pieces and parts that didn't go to anything. I cleaned out a bunch of toys that she no longer played with and that I was tired of picking up from the living room floor day after day.
In looking at what was left, I thought to myself that I should probably take a look at the Toy Recall list and see if any of the toys were on the list.
So this morning, I looked up the list and was immediately flustered with the whole notion of looking up the toys to see if any had been recalled. This list is the most ignorant thing I have ever seen. Not only is the list longer than the novel, War and Peace, it's not even categorized by toy or anything. The links to each recall page are so descriptive and not narrowed down to the basics, like name of toy and the company name.

Here are a few examples:
The Orvis Company Recalls Children's Toys Sold with Sleeping Bags Due to Choking Hazard
Fisher-Price Recalls Licensed Character Toys Due To Lead Poisoning Hazard
Risk of Explosion and Hearing Damage Prompts Recall of Remote Control Airplanes
New Easy-Bake Oven Recall Following Partial Finger Amputation; Consumers Urged to Return Toy Ovens
AAFES Expands Recall of "Soldier Bear" Toy Sets Due to Lead Poisoning Hazard
Serious Intestinal Injury Prompts Kipp Brothers Recall of Mag Stix Magnetic Building Sets
Infantino Recalls Children's Toy Castles Due to Choking Hazard
Target Recalls Toy Barbeque Grills Due to Laceration Hazard
RC2 Corp. Recalls Various Thomas & Friends™ Wooden Railway Toys Due to Lead Poisoning Hazard
Gemmy Industries Corp. Recalls Flashing Eyeball Toys Due to Chemical Hazard
Toy Drums Recalled by The Boyds Collection Ltd. Due to Lead Poisoning Hazard

Understand what I am saying?
Most of the toys I need to look up don't even say on them who they are made by. And since I am STILL ON DIALUP, when I do go look at a possible match, the pictures of the recalled toys take FOREEEVVEERRR to load. What a nightmare!
#*(&@*&@!% DIALUP!
I know I need to do this but it's going to take me all of next year to get through it. I'm left with no choice but to throw away all these toys, painstakingly go through this list or don't do it at all. ARGH!

*****

These things might seem minuscule to other people but for me, they are big things that really bother me.
I don't have anyone to talk to about them. I sit here all day, every day, and this is what I resort to focusing on. I can't help it.

It feels better to write it all out.