Thursday, November 1, 2007

Ok....Here I go!

Today marks the beginning of NaBloPoMo. I awoke this morning with the dreaded feeling of "what was I thinking?". But as I said in my previous post, this is a chance to get motivated and do something I have always wanted to do but always put it off for whatever stupid reason. I intend to see this through this time. I'm really not sure what I should start out talking about. I decided to do this because I love blogging. I really do. But I don't always have a lot to say that wouldn't bore a person to tears.

I am a stay-at-home mom and nothing of any big importance every happens around here worth telling the world about. And I don't have any hobbies to report on because I have a nearly 2 year old running around here. I live in a tiny house with no room to open up a craft box right now. Hopefully all that will change when we move this spring. My top priority for a house will be a room for my computer and my craft boxes. I am tired of putting things off that I want to do because of time and space restrictions and because of other people.

I turn 40 next month and I am so not looking forward to it. I personally don't think I look or act like I am 40 years old. Maybe I am kidding myself, I dunno. But that's how I feel. The thought of turning 40 has given me really bad vibes lately. I keep having these feelings of worthlessness creeping up on my me on a daily basis. I feel like if I don't do something now, I am never going to do it and you might as well shoot me now and get it over with. I can't stand the thought of my obituary being written (hopefully) many years from now and the only thing anyone can think to write about me is that I took care of my kids and cleaned my house. My mother-in-law died a couple years ago and I pretty much got nothing out of her obituary except the fact that she was married for 40some years to the same man, had a couple boys and liked to paint. I don't mean that as a negative towards her, I just want my obituary to say more.

My dream would be to own my own business. Not sure what that business would be, but to be my own boss is the main perk I am looking for. I'm pretty sure this is everyones dream too but I am so far away from realizing a dream like that right now that it's completely depressing. I feel trapped. Trapped by my kids, trapped by the lack of funds to make anything substantial happen, and trapped by my lack of education of the things I need to do to make my dreams come true.

Boy, what a first post. I have singlehandedly managed to bring myself down to a whole new low today. Oh joy....I wonder what tomorrows post will bring! ugh Maybe this blogging for 30 straight days thing isn't such a good idea after all.

I'm off to put the mini-monster down for a nap and do a bit more cleaning on the house. I need to call my Nanny, bring in my plants from outside, pack up Halloween stuff and clean out our bill filing drawer. I couldn't stick another receipt down in there if I tried.

But before I go, just a quick FYI for my sister..........
If there are ANY plans whatsoever by anyone in our family to even attempt to set me up on my birthday with ANYTHING that even remotely says or implies that crappy 40th birthday theme "Over The Hill", you better get out your lighter and burn it or get people to change their tunes about wishing me a happy birthday with any of that crap. I am so not into turning 40, that I will scratch out the eyes of any person making it any worse for me than it already is. Don't think I don't mean it.
Love ya!

Tomorrow, yawl!

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