Ozzy Osbourne bites the heads off of bats. Chuck Norris bites the heads off of Siberian Tigers.
He, who lives by the sword, dies by the sword. He, who lives by Chuck Norris, dies by the roundhouse kick.
Chuck Norris can taste lies.
Chuck Norris can blow bubbles with beef jerky.
Chuck Norris does, in fact, live in a round house.
When Chuck Norris works out on the Total Gym, the Total Gym feels like it's been raped.
Chuck Norris' first job was as a paperboy. There were no survivors.
To be or not to be? That is the question. The answer? Chuck Norris.
There are two types of people in the world... people that suck, and Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris never wet his bed as a child. The bed wet itself out of fear.
70% of a human's weight is water. 70% of Chuck Norris' weight is his penis.
Chuck Norris uses 8'x10' sheets of plywood as toilet paper.
Chuck Norris eats steak for every single meal. Most times he forgets to kill the cow.
It is said that looking into Chuck Norris' eyes will reveal your future. Unfortunately, everybody's future is always the same: death by a roundhouse-kick to the face.
When you say "no one's perfect", Chuck Norris takes this as a personal insult.
Chuck Norris can win a game of Trivial Pursuit with one roll of the dice, and without answering a single question... just a nod of the head, and a stroke of the beard.
182,000 Americans die from Chuck Norris-related accidents every year.
Paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, but Chuck Norris beats all 3 at the same time.
If you're driving down the road and you think Chuck Norris just cut you off, you better thank your lucky stars it wasn't the other way around.
In the medical community, death is referred to as "Chuck Norris Disease" .
Chuck Norris was once in a knife fight, and the knife lost.
The First rule of Chuck Norris is: you do not talk about Chuck Norris.
When Chuck Norris plays Monopoly, it affects the actual world economy.
Chuck Norris once ordered a steak in a restaurant. The steak did what it was told.
Chuck Norris once ate four 10lb bowling balls without chewing.
Chuck Norris likes his coffee half and half: half coffee grounds, half wood-grain alcohol.