Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night. When Chuck Norris was a baby, he didn't suck his mother's breast. His mother served him whiskey, straight out of the bottle.
When Chuck Norris was a baby, he didn't suck his mother's breast. His mother served him whiskey, straight out of the bottle.
According to Einstein's theory of relativity, Chuck Norris can actually roundhouse kick you yesterday.
Chuck Norris once pulled out a single hair from his beard and skewered three men through the heart with it.
When the Boogeyman goes to bed he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
When Chuck Norris plays baseball he hits a homerun every time by roundhouse kicking the baseball. He then proceeds to f**k all the girls in the stadium with his beard.
Chuck Norris wears a live rattlesnake as a condom.
When Chuck Norris runs with scissors, other people get hurt.
If at first you don't succeed, you're not Chuck Norris.
If Chuck Norris were a calendar, every month would be named Chucktober, and every day he'd kick your ass.
Fear is not the only emotion Chuck Norris can smell. He can also detect hope, as in "I hope I don't get a roundhouse kick from Chuck Norris."
Chuck Norris's show is called
Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every dead man, there is Chuck Norris.
The easiest way to determine Chuck Norris' age is to cut him in half and count the rings.
The Bible was originally titled "Chuck Norris and Friends"
Chuck Norris was what Willis was talkin' about.
Google won't search for Chuck Norris because it knows you don't find Chuck Norris, he finds you.
Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
It is scientifically impossible for Chuck Norris to have had a mortal father. The most popular theory is that he went back in time and fathered himself.
Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because Chuck Norris only recognizes the element of surprise.
Chuck Norris shot the sheriff, but he round house kicked the deputy.
Chuck Norris can judge a book by its cover.
Nothing can escape the gravity of a black hole, except for Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris eats black holes. They taste like chicken.
Chuck Norris does not play the lottery. It doesn't have nearly enough balls.