Chuck Norris Jokes - Part 2

Chuck Norris is Luke Skywalker's real father.

Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will simply change the actual spelling of it.

Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills People.

There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.

Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk and Kill.

The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer

When Chuck Norris crosses the street, the cars have to look both ways.

When Bruce Banner gets mad, he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad, he turns into Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.

Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.

When you open a can of whoop-ass, Chuck Norris jumps out.

When Chuck Norris calls 1-900 numbers, he doesn’t get charged. He holds up the phone and money falls out.

Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.

A Chuck Norris-delivered Roundhouse Kick is the preferred method of execution in 16 states.

Chuck Norris doesn't actually write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear.

In honor of Chuck Norris, all McDonald's in Texas have an even larger size than the super-size. When ordering, just ask to be Chuck-sized.

While urinating, Chuck Norris is easily capable of welding titanium.

When Chuck Norris talks, everybody listens. And dies.

Wilt Chamberlain claims to have slept with more than 20,000 women in his lifetime. Chuck Norris calls that "a slow Tuesday."

Contrary to popular belief, there is indeed enough Chuck Norris to go around.

Chuck Norris doesn’t shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.

For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Chuck Norris, each testicle is larger than the other one.

When taking the SAT, write "Chuck Norris" for every answer. You will score over 8000.

Nobody doesn't like Sara Lee. Except Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris doesn't throw up if he drinks too much. Chuck Norris throws down!