Abnormally Normal

Chinese Eye Test

2008-05-09T11:25:00.001-05:00

If you cannot decipher anything, then try pulling the corner of your eyes as if you were Chinese.

It works....

How many zeros in a billion?

2008-05-08T10:49:00.001-05:00

The next time you hear a politician use the word 'billion' in a casual manner, think about whether you want the 'politicians' spending YOUR tax money.

A billion is a difficult number to comprehend, but one advertising agency did a good job of putting that figure into some perspective in one of its releases.

A. A billion seconds ago, it was 1959.

B. A billion minutes ago, Jesus was alive.

C. A billion hours ago, our ancestors were living in the Stone Age.

D. A billion days ago, no one walked the earth on two feet.

E. A billion dollars ago, was only 8 hours and 20 minutes, at the rate our government is spending it.

While this thought is still fresh in our brain, let's take a look at New Orleans. It's amazing what you can learn with some simple division.

Louisiana Senator, Mary Landrieu (D), is presently asking the Congress for $250 BILLION to rebuild New Orleans.
Interesting number, what does it mean?

A. Well, if you are one of 484,674 residents of New Orleans (every man, woman, child), you each get $516,528.

B. Or, if you have one of the 188,251 homes in New Orleans, your home gets $1,329,787.

C. Or, if you are a family of four, your family gets $2,066,012.

Washington, D. C.?
< HELLO! >
Are all your calculators broken??

Accounts Receivable Tax
Building Permit Tax
CDL License Tax
Cigarette Tax
Corporate Income Tax
Dog License Tax
Federal Income Tax
Federal Unemployment Tax (FUTA)
Fishing License Tax
Food License Tax
Fuel Permit Tax
Gasoline Tax
Hunting License Tax
Inheritance Tax
Inventory Tax
IRS Interest Charges (tax on top of tax),
IRS Penalties (tax on top of tax),
Liquor Tax,
Luxury Tax,
Marriage License Tax,
Medicare Tax,
Property Tax,
Real Estate Tax,
Service charge taxes,
Social Security Tax,
Road Usage Tax (Truckers),
Sales Taxes,
Recreational Vehicle Tax,
School Tax,
State Income Tax,
State Unemployment Tax (SUTA),
Telephone Federal Excise Tax,
Telephone Federal Universal Service Fee Tax,
Telephone Federal, State and Local Surcharge Tax,
Telephone Minimum Usage Surcharge Tax,
Telephone Recurring and Non-recurring Charges Tax,
Telephone State and Local Tax,
Telephone Usage Charge Tax,
Utility Tax,
Vehicle License Registration Tax,
Vehicle Sales Tax,
Watercraft Registration Tax,
Well Permit Tax,
Workers Compensation Tax.

Not one of these taxes existed 100 years ago, and our nation was the most prosperous in the world. We had absolutely no national debt, had the largest middle class in the world, and Mom stayed home to raise the kids.

What the heck happened?!?

To My Husband: For the record.......

2008-03-12T16:24:00.004-05:00

For the record, and for the most part, purely hypothetical, because I know you would never do anything like this, but if you ever attained a position that required you to have to make a public apology for your actions after you've been caught doing something illegal, especially cheating on me, prepare to stand up there completely on your own behind the podium, buddy.
I would not stand up there with tear-soaked, pale skin in stress-ravaged hair and clothes and pretend to make out like everything is hunky dorey between us despite what you did. I am so sick of watching these women pretend that the the most noble thing to do during those times is to stand behind your man. It is NOT noble, you idiots. It's degrading. It's like condoning what he did and sending him the message that he doesn't stand to lose you even because of his cheating/lying ways. Nobody said you have to stand up there and take the shame and embarrassment with him. I certainly don't remember my wedding vows stating that I had to stand by my man while he abused and neglected me.
These public apologies are getting ridiculous. Are they sorry that they did wrong or sorry that they got caught? It's hard to tell the difference anymore.

Urine Test - Email from Aunt Brenda

2008-02-09T14:48:00.000-06:00

I don't know who wrote this and I also don't have a job but I do agree with this 100%. Some sort of alcohol test would be in order too.

Like a lot of folks in this state, I have a job. I work, they pay me. I pay my taxes and the government distributes my taxes as it sees fit. In order to get that paycheck, I am required to pass a random urine test with which I have no problem.

What I do have a problem with is the distribution of my taxes to people who don't have to pass a urine test. Shouldn't one have to pass a urine test to get a welfare check because I have to pass one to earn it for them?

Please understand, I have no problem with helping people get back on their feet. I do, on the other hand, have a problem with helping someone sitting on their butt, doing drugs, while I work.

Can you imagine how much money the state would save if people had to pass a urine test to get a public assistance check?

Something has to change in this country -- and soon!

Anonymous

~And I think to myself, what a wonderful world.~

2008-02-05T21:06:00.001-06:00

Dear Mrs. Clinton and Mr. Obama,

In the name of all that is holy, I sure wish I didn't have to make a choice between the two of you at the polls today. That was one of the hardest decisions I think I've ever had to make.

That said, I plead with you both..........despite who wins the nomination for POTUS, please take the other on as VP. You both have great plans, both are an inspiration and both are champions for change. This country and its people need you both.

Thanks!

Lost Dog

2008-02-05T19:57:00.000-06:00

Please help us!
Our neighbor has lost her Chihuahua and is desperate to find him.
She does a lot of traveling and always takes her dog with her.
Yesterday, she was sitting on the couch watching TV. She called out for her puppy with no response, and the back door was open.
She has been putting up signs everywhere. If you see this dog, please let me know and I will notify her.

Your help would be greatly appreciated.

If the Earth were only a few feet in diameter......

2008-01-30T13:48:00.002-06:00

If the Earth
were only a few feet in diameter,
floating a few feet above a field somewhere,
people would come from everywhere to marvel
at it. People would walk around it marveling at its
big pools of water, its little pools and the water flowing
between. People would marvel at the bumps on it and the
holes in it. They would marvel at the very thin layer of gas
surrounding it and the water suspended in the gas. The people
would marvel at all the creatures walking around the surface of
the ball and at the creatures in the water. The people would
declare it as sacred because it was the only one, and they would
protect it so that it would not be hurt. The ball would be the
greatest wonder known, and people would come to pray to
it, to be healed, to gain knowledge, to know beauty and
to wonder how it could be. People would love it, and
defend it with their lives because they would
somehow know that their lives could be
nothing without it. If the Earth were
only a few feet in
diameter.

Joe Miller ~ Moab, Utah 1975

The Green Ones Make You Horny

2008-01-24T13:37:00.000-06:00

I will not be surprised if my husband comes dragging a bag of these home for me on Valentines Day! He *thinks* he's so deprived.

M&M'S® CHOCOLATE CANDIES GO GREEN JUST IN TIME FOR VALENTINE'S DAY
Limited Edition All-Green M&M'S® Chocolate Candies Put Consumers in the Mood for Love This Valentine's Day

HACKETTSTOWN, NJ · January 16, 2007 /PRNewswire/ —
Mars Snackfood U.S. is proclaiming green the new color of love this Valentine's Day as the brand celebrates the myths, rumors and innuendo surrounding green M&M'S® Chocolate Candies. In support of this bold and fun declaration, retail establishments across the country will display limited edition all-green M&M'S® amidst a sea of traditional red and pink products. Consumers can find the all-green M&M'S® in packages from January 2008 through the Valentine's holiday.

*SNIP*

What is it about The Green Ones®?

Legend has it The Green Ones® are an aphrodisiac; rumors of their special powers have been circulating since the '70s. In fact a certain perm-bearing early '80s rock star had it in his contract for three pounds of Green M&M'S® Chocolate Candies backstage for, uh, "inspiration." The Green Ones® have even made it into outer space. Green M&M'S® Chocolate Candies have been requested on 31 space shuttle flights.
The Lore of Green

The color green has a strong place in history, long associated with love and fertility. Green is also associated with energy, youth, growth, hope and new life. In the 15th century, green was the preferred color for wedding attire and the Celtic symbol of fertility was The Green Man. Today, green is considered an emotional stabilizer and pituitary stimulant.

Terrible Twos!

2008-01-24T12:32:00.000-06:00

My God! It just started and all I can think is, "When will it end??".

My youngest is going through what I assume is the Terrible Twos.
She's constantly cranky. Hits when she doesn't get her way. Shrills at the top of her lungs for as long as she can, when she can. Doesn't want to eat what I fix, doesn't want her diaper changed, wants to wear her shoes constantly (even in bed), and doesn't want anyone to talk, look or even breath in her direction.
I am going to rip my hair out if I have to watch one more fit-throwing tantrum of her lying on the floor kicking her feet, while screaming at the top of her lungs.
I know this is normal, but my gosh, I am so not used to it. My first baby didn't even go through phases like this. Kasey was then and still is, my mellow baby. Korey is my classic text book baby. If I read about it, it will happen with Korey.
My main concern with Korey at this point is that she is not talking. A friend of ours who had a baby two months after Korey was born, have a daughter who is forming short sentences already. And can run and walk like a 5 year old. Korey walks like she just learned to do it yesterday and she can hardly say any words at all. What she does say is not hardly recognizable to anyone other than me. I don't know what's going on.
One parenting site I read stated:
"Tantrums are inevitable. Parents who interact with a child during a tantrum will just prolong it."
I guess that makes the tantrums a little easier to get through since she can't talk and really doesn't understand what I say either. But still I worry about her not being able to talk like other kids her age.

I'll just be glad when we get through this phase. I am so not used to all this.

I'm sure my mom is laughing her ass off as she reads this. SHUDDUP!

What are they worried about!?

2008-01-24T12:05:00.000-06:00

I'm sure by now, you all have heard that Heath Ledger has died. But as if he couldn't just go in peace; some church weirdos have to picket his funeral as if it will insure he goes where they want him to go instead of where God choses for him to go. I will never understand people of this sort.

Church Members To Picket Heath Ledgers Funeral

A US church says actor Heath Ledger is in hell because he played a gay cowboy in one of his films, and has vowed to picket his funeral.

The Westboro Baptist Church (WBC), a Kansas-based congregation known for its demonstrations outside funerals for US soldiers killed in Iraq, said the Perth-born Australian actor who died yesterday was “now in hell”.

“WBC will picket this pervert’s funeral in religious protest,” the group said in a statement on its website.

“God hates the sordid, tacky bucket of slime seasoned with vomit known as Brokeback Mountain – and He hates all persons having anything to whatsoever to do with it.

“Heath Ledger is now in hell, and has begun serving his eternal sentence there.”

*snip*

The church, which has been classified by the Southern Poverty Law Centre as a “hate group”, also planned to demonstrate outside the upcoming Academy Awards ceremony.

*snip*

Ledger was nominated for an Oscar for his portrayal of gay cowboy Ennis Del Mar in Brokeback Mountain, a role for which he was widely admired.

What is this world coming to? What are they so worried about? The guy is dead. There's nothing they can do about it now and I doubt picketing his funeral will teach other actors thinking of portraying gay people on film and tv is going to cause them to do otherwise. Picketing a funeral is about the equivalent of posting insults anonymously on the internet.

Man, people need to get a grip. Stop wasting your time and your breath on minute things. The world has bigger, more pressing issues.

Yes Mom...that was a joke.

Ponderisms

2008-01-19T10:37:00.000-06:00

Email from Aunt Brenda!

Ponderisms

Can you cry under water?

How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

Why do you have to "put your two cents in".. But it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?

Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?

Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

What disease did cured ham actually have?

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?

If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.

Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?

Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?

Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?

If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!

If Wiley E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

Why did you just try singing the two songs above?

Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

I found this email forward interesting.......

2008-01-14T13:07:00.000-06:00

TWELVE RULES FOR RAISING DELINQUENT CHILDREN

1. Begin with infancy to give the child everything he wants. In this way he will grow up to believe the world owes him a living.

2. When he picks up bad words, laugh at him. This will make him think he's cute. It will also encourage him to pick up "cuter phrases" that will blow off the top of your head later.

3. Never give him any spiritual training. Wait until he is 21, and then let him "decide for himself."

4. Avoid the use of the word "wrong." It may develop a guilt complex. This will condition him to believe later, when he is arrested for stealing a car, that society is against him and he is being persecuted.

5. Pick up everything he leaves lying around - books, shoes, clothes. Do everything for him so that he will be experienced in throwing all responsibility on others.

6. Let him read any printed matter he can get his hands on. Be careful that the silverware and drinking glasses are sterilized, but don't worry about his mind feasting on garbage.

7. Quarrel frequently in the presence of your children. In this way they will not be too shocked when the home is broken up later.

8. Give the child all the spending money he wants. Never let him earn his. Why should he have things as tough as you did?

9. Satisfy his every craving for food, drink, and comfort. See that every sensual desire is gratified. Denial may lead to harmful frustration.

10. Take his part against neighbors, teachers, policemen. They are all prejudiced against your child.

11. When he gets into real trouble, apologize to yourself by saying, "I never could do anything with him!"

12. Prepare yourself for a life of grief. You'll surely have it.

Are You Ready For This?

2008-01-09T13:34:00.001-06:00

Mom started a blog!

Can you believe it!?!? I can't. I can't believe she's finally stepped into the 21st century. This from a person who thought computers were going to be the downfall of civilization. But that's my mom. It takes her a long time to accept change but once she does, she runs with it.

My Mom....the one who thought that debit cards were the root of all evil and would never get one for fear of someone stealing her identity.

My Mom....the one who thought that when she wanted to buy something off the internet, she had to slide that debit card into a slot in her computer tower like an ATM to pay for it.

My Mom....the one who thought if she told someone her name over the internet, that person was going to immediately jump in their car, come to her house and kill her.

My Mom....the one who thought if she used too much color in MS Paint, that the computer would eventually run out and she would have to go buy more from the store.....like printer ink.

My Mom....the one who believed and forwarded every single stinkin' email forward until I finally got her to check it out before sending it to everyone she knew.

My Mom....the one who didn't even own a webcam, but still thought that everything she said or did in front of a computer screen could be seen or heard by others, including the government. (I still believe she turns off her computer monitor at night because of this reason.)

My Mom....the one who thought when she downloaded something from the internet, it disappeared from the website and was hers to keep as the sole owner until someone came along and took it from her.

My Mom.....the one who thought that it was criminal if she didn't read word for word every "Terms of Usage" message that came with those downloads. Many times she would click "I disagree" and was mad that she didn't get to download the program anyway.

My Mom.....the one who thought when she played a computer game, someone somewhere, was actually playing against her.

My Mom....who made sure new files on her computer had her first name in each and every title so every one would know who it belonged to. (She still does this to this day.) Janies Stuff, Janies Books, Janies Drawings

My Mom...who thought if she wanted to print something in Landscape, she had to turn the paper sideways in the printer.

My Mom....who thought if she vacuumed too close to the computer, a big bolt of electricity would come out of the vacuum and strike her computer.

My Mom....the one who thought computer viruses were caught because she didn't keep her computer tower clean, much like you would catch a virus by not washing your hands.

My Mom.....the one who thought "email" was a new slang word used to describe gay people.
Male, Female and Email.

My Mom....the one who thought computer chips were made by Frito-Lay.

My Mom. I love her so much!

Welcome to my world, Mom! You'll always be the "pup" around here.

Rest In Peace, Zach

2008-01-07T11:41:00.001-06:00

The 17 year old son of a good friend of ours passed away in a tragic car accident this past weekend.

Four Die In Greene County Crash
Friends Remember Young Crash Victims
Zach's Snowboarding Video @ MySpace

Zach was a good kid....a little button pusher at times, said his dad, but a good kid all around. We spent a few hours with his mom and dad at their house yesterday. Such a sad place. Such a senseless thing to happen.
I just couldn't even speak to Jolie. As a mother, I feel her pain, although not as clearly, but I can only imagine what it would be like to lose a child. She was just so sad and every time I would hear her talk or get close to her, I would lose it myself.
Greg was trying to do his best to hold it together but wasn't having much luck. He loved his only boy so much and was so proud of him, as any dad should be.
It was so hard seeing people in that much pain. But they need their friends and family to rally around them and keep them safe and hold them. They still have their little 6 year old Natasha to think of and they need help with, for and because of her.
Although I had never had the chance to see him in action for myself, I hear Zach was a great wakeboarder and snowboarder. He had many, many friends. His cellphone was ringing off the hook. Mainly it was just friends who were calling his cellphone just to hear his voice on the voicemail.
My heart broke every time that cellphone rang.

Please pray for Zach and his family.

-- Zachary Eugene Whittet --

Visitation is Thursday from 6-8 p.m. at Walnut Lawn Funeral Home, 2001 W. Walnut Lawn St.

The funeral is Friday at 10 a.m. at St. Elizabeth Ann Seton Catholic Church, 2200 W. Republic Road.

A memorial fund has been established at First Home Savings Bank, 2655 S. Campbell Ave.
Donations go to Camp Re-NEW-All.

Happy Birthday, Bean!

2008-01-01T14:02:00.000-06:00

My littlest one is two today. I can't hardly believe it.

She came into this world with her mom kicking and screaming, and she's attacked this world so far kicking and screaming even more.

I love you, Korey Bean! Happy Birthday!

Love,
Momma

Here we go......

2007-12-31T21:39:00.000-06:00

Dear Family and Friends,

2008 is on its way!
May this be the year of all years and we remain happy, healthy and loved.

Here we go......

Love,
Sandy

Email Joke from Uncle Doug

2007-12-31T21:24:00.000-06:00

Doctor's Stories

A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her baby in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress, and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly, I noticed that there were several cabs -- and I was in the wrong one.

Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio , TX

At the beginning of my shift, I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. "Big breaths," I instructed. "Yes, they used to be," replied the patient.

Submitted by Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle , WA

One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a "massive internal fart."

Submitted by Dr. Susan Steinberg

During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with one of his medications. "Which one?" I asked. "The patch, the nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours, and now I'm running out of places to put it!" I had him quickly undress, and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see. Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body! Now, the instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a new one.

Submitted by Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk , VA

While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, "How long have you been bedridden?" After a look of complete confusion, she answered... "Why, not for about twenty years -- when my husband was alive."

Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis , OR

I was caring for a woman and asked, "So, how's your breakfast this morning?"
"It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste," the patient replied. I then asked to see the jelly, and the woman produced a foil packet labeled, "KY Jelly."

Submitted by Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit , MI

A nurse was on duty in the emergency room when a young woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered. It was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate surgery.
When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it there was a tattoo that read, "Keep off the grass."
Once the surgery was completed the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's dressing, which said, "Sorry, had to mow the lawn."

Submitted by RN, no name

As a young doctor doing his residency in OB , I was quite embarrassed when performing female pelvic exams. To cover my embarrassment, I had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly. The middle-aged lady upon whom I was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing, further embarrassing me. I looked up from my work and sheepishly said, "I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?" She replied, "No doctor, but the song you were
whistling was, "I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener."

Doctor wouldn't submit his name (Can't blame him!)

Fun Blog Game

2007-12-19T14:35:00.000-06:00

You read the questions, then type you answer into Google Images and then put one of the image representations on your blog. So, here goes....

Age on your next birthday?

Place I would like to visit?

(Great Barrier Reef in Australia)

Favorite place?

(Shannon Falls, B.C.)

Favorite object?

Favorite food?

Favorite color?

Favorite animal?

Name of past pet?

(Spike - red miniature doberman pinscher)

Where I live?

1st Grade Teacher?

(Mrs. Devore - died in a car accident when I was in 2nd grade)

Middle name?

Bad habit?

College major?

Favorite holiday?

257 Ways (and counting) to Annoy People

2007-12-19T13:57:00.000-06:00

Sometimes it just feels so good to laugh at some of the stupidest stuff. My nephew Brent and I got a kick out of reading some of these last night.

My favs are:
#34 Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
#57 Staple papers in the middle of the page.
#89 Pretend your mouse is a CB radio, and talk into it.
#111 When talking to someone, look at a spot about two inches to their right.

I really love #111!

Enjoy....sorry it's so long.

1. Specify that your drive-thru order is "to go."

2. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.

3. Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will "swipe your grub."

4. Name your dog "Dog."

5. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."

6. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what you think."

7. Claim that you must always wear a bicycle helmet as part of your "astronaut training."

8. Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with a can of Lysol.

9. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.

10. Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any moment.

11. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."

12. Tell 1-800 operators they sound gay and ask for a date.

13. Sew anti-theft detector strips into people's backpacks.

14. Hide dairy products in inaccessible places.

15. Order a side of pork rinds with your fillet mignon.

16. Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.

17. Tape pieces of "Sweating to the Oldies" over climatic parts of rental movies.

18. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints by the cash register.

19. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.

20. Repeat everything someone says as a question.

21. Write "X - BURIED TREASURE" in random spots on all of someone's road maps.

22. Inform everyone you meet of your personal Kennedy assassination, UFO, and OJ Simpson conspiracy theories.

23. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?", "What?", "Never mind, it's gone now."

24. Light road flares on a birthday cake.

25. Wander around a restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.

26. At the Laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.

27. Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling as they read.

28. Ask people what gender they are.

29. Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts back in the tray.

30. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.

31. Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.

32. Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September.

33. Change your name to "John Aaaaasmith" for the great glory of being first in the phone book. Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each "a."

34. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.

35. Chew on pens that you've borrowed.

36. Wear a lot of cologne.

37. Listen to 33RPM records at 45RPM speed, and claim the faster speed is necessary because of your "superior mental processing."

38. Sing along at the opera.

39. Mow your lawn with scissors.

40. At a golf tournament, chant "swing-batabatabata-suhwing-batter!"

41. Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "imaginary friend."

42. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.

43. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles."

44. Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.

45. Construct elaborate "crop circles" in your front lawn.

46. Make appointments for the 31st of September.

47. Invite lots of people to other people's parties.

48. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 99 copies.

49. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sensual massage."

50. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.

51. Practice making fax and modem noises.

52. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc." them to your boss.

53. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophecy."

54. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.

55. Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room.

56. Holler random numbers while someone is counting.

57. Staple papers in the middle of the page.

58. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking" noise.

59. Honk and wave to strangers.

60. TYPE ONLY IN UPPERCASE.

61. type only in lowercase.

62. dont use any punctuation either

63. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.

64. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "No, wait, I messed it up," and repeat.

65. Sing the theme to the Batman television show as loudly as you can, over and over and over.

66. Tell people their accent isn't fooling anyone.

67. Drum on every available surface.

68. Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.

69. Set alarms for random times.

70. Learn Morse code and have conversations with friends in public consisting of "Beeeep bip bip beeeep bip...”

71. Buy large quantities of mint dental floss just to lick the flavor off.

72. Leave your Nine Inch Nails tape in Great Uncle Ed's stereo, with the volume properly adjusted.

73. Dress only in clothes colored Hunter's Orange.

74. Wear your pants backwards.

75. Begin all your sentences with "Ohh la la!"

76. Rouse your roommates from slumber each morning with Lou Reed's "Metal Machine Music."

77. Leave someone's printer in compressed-italic-landscape mode.

78. Pay for your dinner with pennies.

79. Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.

80. Repeat everything someone says, as a question.

81. Leave tips in Bolivian currency.

82. Demand that everyone address you as "Conquistador."

83. Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.

84. When Christmas caroling, sing "Jingle bells, Batman smells" until physically restrained.

85. Wear a cape that says "Magnificent One."

86. Finish the 99 bottles of beer song.

87. Sing the "This is the song that never ends" song from Lampchop's Play-Along.

88. Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.

89. Pretend your mouse is a CB radio, and talk into it.

90. Drive half a block.

91. Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.

92. Cultivate a Norwegian accent. If Norwegian, affect a southern drawl.

93. "Forget" the punch line to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "real hoot."

94. Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious that you don't want to fall off "in case the big one comes."

95. Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers' brains, such as "Feliz Navidad," the Archies' "Sugar," or the Mr. Rogers theme song.

96. Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.

97. Ask to "interface" with someone.

98. Incessantly recite annoying phrases, such as "sticky wicket isn't cricket."

99. Stare at static on the TV and claim you can see a "magic picture."

100. Scuff your feet on a dry, shaggy carpet and seek out victims.

101. Never make eye contact.

102. Never break eye contact.

103. Construct your own pretend "tricorder," and "scan" people with it, pronouncing the results.

104. Give a play-by-play account of a person's every action in a nasal Howard Cossell voice.

105. Occasionally bark in a high-pitched voice.

106. Say "okay, you're gay" to anything someone says.

107. As people talk, smell their shoulders.

108. When in a conversation, look out the window, then say "Wait, start over. I wasn't paying attention."

109. Say to people, "Did you wear deodorant today?"

110. Place your shoes on the table.

111. When talking to someone, look at a spot about two inches to their right.

112. When standing near a "high-class person," ask them, "Excuse me, but do I have a booger hanging on my nose? I thought I picked it off."

113. Switch your neighbor's lawn furniture with someone else's.

114. Call into work and tell them you have something better to do today.

115. Buy goldfish and ask the clerk if they come with chips.

116. Sample every flavor of ice cream and tell the clerk what you don't like about each one.

117. Pick your ear wax and ask if you could use their sleeve to wipe it off.

118. Insist completely ridiculous things are true - like Bush is still President.

119. Speak in a strong Welsh accent.

120. Wear odd shoes.

121. Learn "Ice Ice Baby" by heart and recite it endlessly.

122. Disagree strongly with everything anybody says.

123. Throw stones at people walking past your house.

124. Keep changing the TV channel every two seconds.

125. Insist that Celine Dion is better than the Beatles.

126. Whenever anyone says something, laugh loudly as if they have just told an extremely funny joke.

127. Phone McDonald's and try to make a reservation for that evening.

128. Spend an entire weekend pretending you are R2-D2.

129. Phone random numbers and tell them you are holding their daughter hostage.

130. Recite the first 4,000 decimal places of Pi. Then ask if people want to hear it in binary, too.

131. Pretend you have gone completely deaf.

132. .sdrawkcab etirW

133. Walk into people's houses, go straight to the fridge without saying hello, and help yourself to their food.

134. Speak so quietly that people always have to get you to repeat it.

135. Loudly recite people's most embarrassing secrets in restaurants.

136. Play the electric guitar very loudly and badly, then when the neighbors ask you to turn it down, play even louder. When they come around to complain again, say, "Oh, I'm sorry. I thought you asked me to turn it up!

137. Try to fit the word "cornucopia" into every sentence you say.

138. Drive on the wrong side of the road.

139. Secretly learn to play the piano, and then go to a friend's house that has a piano. Claim you've never played before then play Jesu Joy of Man's Desiring perfectly the first time. Then say, "I guess I must kind of be a natural."

140. Go canoeing and sing the Hawaii Five-0 theme.

141. Claim that until recently, you thought Michael Jackson was a woman.

142. Wear your cap backwards and say "Yo, wazzup?" a lot.

143. Go to a Metallica concert wearing a Michael Bolton T-Shirt.

144. Tell everyone you are Bill Clinton's cousin.

145. Take photos of people walking down the street and then run away.

146. Dedicate your life to politics, become president of the United States, then raise all taxes to 90%.

147. Down a can of Coke in one drink and then burp loudly.

148. Insist that it was Bobby who shot J.R.

149. Bark like a dog whenever anyone says the word "the."

150. Wire up people's cars so the horn comes on as soon as their car is started.

151. Ride a unicycle to work.

152. E-mail Microsoft to tell them about bugs in Windows XP that aren’t actually there.

153. Stare at people for about five minutes, making sure they know you're staring at them. Then, slowly sneak up to them while humming the Mission: Impossible theme. Sniff their head, and then run away. Repeat.

154. Continuously mumble during a conversation.

155. Take off the eraser to every pencil in your house, or better yet, someone else's house.

156. When in a chat room, spell everything incorrectly.

157. Insist on "Weird Al" sing-a-longs.

158. On a hot summer day, ride up and down the road and drench pedestrians with squirt guns.

159. When walking down a main road, act like a drunk.

160. Wear nothing but white and go mud wrestling.

161. Walk up to someone eating. Lean over and stare at them intently until they notice. Continue to do so until they ask what you're doing. Reply, "I've been watching you eat for the last 30 seconds. You're weird!" Leave the restaurant.

162. When walking, talk to yourself constantly.

163. Move people's bookmarks ahead three pages when they aren't looking.

164. Call the operator. When asked, "Can I help you?" reply, "No thanks, just browsing."

165. Go to a gumball machine insert coins until you have a matching pair of fake eyeballs. After attaining these, record the theme song of The Twilight Zone over and over again. Drive down the street wearing the eyeballs and playing The Twilight Zone theme very loud. When you get pulled over, leap into the passenger's seat and claim, "He was here a minute ago, officer!"

166. On a night other than Halloween, get a few friends together and dress like Jason from Friday the 13th. Have each of you stand a mile apart on a highway.

167. After visiting the local donut shop, sit on the floor cross-legged and insist in a childish voice that you haven't received enough chocolate sprinkles.

168. Push a raisin into someone's cream-filled donut. (I don't get this one.)

169. Spread fertilizer on half your neighbor's lawn.

170. Add A535 (liquid heat) to that little hole down the center of someone's anti-perspirant.

171.

172.

173. Add blank entries to lists, to make it look like it's longer.

174. Call every pager number you know and leave the number for your local McDonald's.

175. Wash and scrub the trees in your front lawn.

176. Throw newspapers back at paperboys.

177. Tell people their fly is down when they're wearing sweat pants.

178. Stand on a busy corner. Gasp, look and point up. See how many people look.

179. At random times in a conversation, say "Hi," "Hello Sir, how are you?" or "Have a good day, thank you."

180. Put electrical tape over the headlights of someone's car.

181. Walk up to random strangers insisting you are family.

182. Dress like a "High-class rich person" and wash windows at random street corners. Demand a dollar in a British accent.

183. When a cop pulls you over, when they step up to your car, drive forward slowly and make them walk. Especially if it's raining.

184. In an office, lock all the doors behind you.

185. Face the back when standing in an elevator.

186. Grin so wide it hurts your cheeks at every salesperson in town.

187. When at an ATM, try to have a conversation with it, or pretend it stole your card. (This works best if there's a line.)

188. Unbend all the paperclips you can find, then replace every eraser you can find with a rubber band.

189. Ask people to prove everything they say. (e.g. "I'm Bob, nice to meet you..." "PROVE IT!")

190. Sharpen all your pencils to the same size EXACTLY.

191. Answer every question with another question. As soon as one of you says a statement instead of a question, shout "I win!”

192. Pose as a client at a bank or other professional institution, and when you are seated in front of their desk, keep rearranging the items on top into different patterns and tell them you are "just reorganizing things."

193. Instead of singing 99 bottles of beer on the wall, sing 999,999,999 bottles of beer on the wall!

194. Call every girl you know "dude".

195. Recite every song from the Playstation games PaRappa the Rapper and Um Jammer Lammy.

196. Bring a portable CD player to a concert and listen the CD because you insist that it is "Just better quality"

197. Press the "power" button on someone's computer or keyboard when they're almost finished typing up a long essay, story etc. Apologize sincerely; claiming that you thought it was the focus adjustment.

198. Call 911 and breathe heavily.

199. Take a shower. Feel guilty. Give it back.

200. Mow your carpet. (Or preferably somebody else's)

201. Vacuum your lawn. (See note on 200)

202. Recite Shakespearian poetry to everyone you meet.

203. Go to McDonalds and ask for a BK Whopper.

204. Order a pizza and ask them if they can "please put the crust on top this time" in an exasperated voice.

205. Every time someone asks you to do something or says something to you ask "Is that a threat?"

206. When in an elevator, in different voices, shout out random floors, and then watch as you get there, no one gets off.

207. Also, when riding up an elevator with a stranger, start singing a song that everyone knows, then expect them to start singing too. If they do not start singing, insist, "Everyone knows that song. Are you stupid?"

208. While walking make car noises loudly (Such as changing gears).

209. Whenever somebody says something, ask what the simplest word they said means. When they explain, ask what the simplest word in their explanation means. Repeat this for the entire conversation.

210. Go up to someone and say, "Are you annoyed by irrelevant questions?" And then walk away very quickly.

211. Finish each sentence with "Monkey See, Monkey Do".

212. Click your mechanical pencils or your pens during a test in school.

213. Pretend you are invisible.

214. Convince people you are deaf and talk in an incredibly phony sign language.

215. Spend all day at a fast food restaurant and see how long it takes before you have to pay for your "free" refills.

216. Continuously open your briefcase or bag and say into it, "Have you got enough air in there?"

217. While going down in an elevator scream, "AAAAAGGGGGHHHHH!!!! WE'RE GONNA DIE!", for no apparent reason.

218. Call everyone a communist.

219. Explain "the little green men" in detail to someone, and when they don't believe you, accuse them of being one in disguise.

220. Call your neighbors collect.

221. Whenever someone finishes a sentence say, "And then what happened?"

222. Page yourself over an intercom, but don't disguise your voice.

223. Send people annoying chain forwards with outrageous consequences like "If you don't send this to 300 people in 4 seconds you will die instantly" and then insist that it is true and it happened to your uncle.

224. When walking push an invisible cart and make loud squeaky noises.

225. Walk up to random people and ask them, very seriously, "Do you know the muffin man?"

226. Clear your throat every three or four words while speaking.

227. Look at your hand in amazement and say, "Whoa, I never knew I had this!"

228. While driving if you see a "How am I driving" bumper sticker, call the number and inform the operator that the driver is doing a great job.

229. When driving with companions in the car, every few seconds slam on the brakes and insist that a squirrel ran in front of you.

230. When driving with companions in the car, every few seconds slam on the brakes and insist that a squirrel ran in front of you.

231. Whenever anybody says anything to you. Respond by saying, "I know."

232. Sending this list to all of your friends through email.

233. Continue to ask someone "Is this annoying? Is this annoying?" over and over and over.

234. Tap someone on the shoulder repeatedly.

235. Begin every sentence with, "By the Gods!"

236. When you're in an argument, no matter what it's about, keep yelling "I don't see your name on it!”

237. When in public, pretend you are selling something in an infomercial.

238. At a restaurant, repeatedly send your food back for changes and after awhile insist that, "This isn't what I ordered!"

239. Go to a shoe store and try on every shoe, then say that you aren't interested in buying shoes and leave.

240. Put powdered sugar in your hair, sit down next to a stranger, and scratch your head a lot.

241. Turn on the Talk Radio Stations in your car, roll down your windows, and headbang.

242. Walk around with a plastic sword and shield and tell strangers "I must avenge the death of my father."

243. Scotch tape your door as an Anti-theft Device.

244. Super Glue quarters to floors.

245. Put the wrong date and year on the papers you hand in to your teachers.

246. Call random numbers and say "Hi, this is Julie from Baskin Robins. If you can name 31 flavors in 31 seconds you get a free scoop."

247. WRIGHT N AL CAPITOL LETERS AND MISSSSSPEL EVRYTHIND!!!

248. Get two cell phones and talk to yourself on them in front of other people.

249. Make a loud and abrupt noise when nobody is looking, then face the other direction when everybody looks your way, pretending the sound came from behind you. (Thanks Alex)

250. Lend a book to someone, but staple the middle together.

251. Lend someone a book, but rip out the climax.

252. When making a list use the same number twice.

253. Spel easy wordds rong.

253. Pronounce people's names wrong every time you meet them.

254. Laugh at everything they say.

255. Never laugh at what they say.

256. When talking to someone, tilt your head to the side.

257. Snicker at what someone said and say "I got the movie reference".

via

Today is my 40th Birthday...... ugh

2007-12-12T15:35:00.000-06:00

I woke up this morning and the weirdest thing happened.

I turned 40.

Oh.My.Gawd.

40!

I should have just stayed in bed.

UPDATE:

Stayed in bed, for sure!

My husband informed me this morning that he was taking me out for dinner and to be ready when he got home from work. He said my SIL was watching the kids.

I'm ready, the girls are ready, the phone rings. It's my cousin Quentin. He's calling to let everyone know that he found that he and his girlfriend are having a baby boy. That's exciting news for sure but what does he mean "everyone"? He said that his dad told him that he thought everyone was at my house for a birthday party. I told him they were not and he quickly changes the subject.
My suspicions are raised.

We drop the girls off at my SILs. We head into town and Bubba says, "Don't be mad but we're going to eat at Ziggies. They have this new dish that I've been eating and you just have to try it."
I'm thinking, 'Ziggies?!? You're taking me out to Ziggies on my birthday!?!? You have to be kidding!'
Being the nice person I am, I don't say a word but inside, I'm starting to wonder just how much he loves me. When we arrive, I'm scanning the parking lot for familiar vehicles for an indication of who might be inside. I don't recognize any of them.

We walk in and the waitress directs us towards a room at the back of the restaurant. I see the glass door to the room is obstructed by yellow streamers. AHA!
I bet "everyone" is here. I do not want to do this. I walk up to the door and try to peek in between the streamers to see who all is in there. I see my mom. I turn around to walk away from the door and Bubba pushes me inside. They all scream "SURPRISE!"
Oh man.
My whole family was there. Even my girls and my SIL.
I've never had a surprise party before. It was weird and awkward at first, but it turned out to be quite fun. Nothing like having a huge family and then have them all turn out just for me. I felt really special and loved.

Thanks Mom for doing all that for me!

Just you wait.....I'll get you back.

The Blog Readability Test

2007-12-08T17:26:00.000-06:00

What level of education is needed to understand your blog?

For reasons unbeknownst to me, the reading level for this blog
is higher than some of the other more well known blogs in town.

Phun with Photoshop!

2007-12-07T11:30:00.000-06:00

I am starting a new segment on my blog titled, Phun With Photoshop.
This fun addition will consist of funny altered pics I come across while surfin' the innernets or that are sent to me in email.

Anywho.....here's the first installment of Phun With Photoshop.

"Another Chinese Recall"

YIKES! This actually made my butt pucker when I saw it.

Shoot me an email with any funny pics you find. If I like them, I will post them and mention your name or blog.

Later taters!

Email Pic from Cousin Chelsa!

2007-12-07T11:28:00.000-06:00

Whew!

The email jokes and pics are running rampant this week!
Here's another email from my cousin, Chelsa.
Hi Chels!
I've seen this one before but it's still hilarious.

Wouldn't you just lose your breath after seeing this?
That's going to take some serious washin' to get all that off that baby.
I don't envy that mom at all.

Reminds me of my own little one who decided to put on mommy's makeup without her knowledge. It's one of my most favorite pictures of Kasey that I have.

Look at how proud she is!

Another email joke from my sister, Krissy!

2007-12-07T11:18:00.000-06:00

When you see this on your way out the door in the morning......

Go back in and have another cup of coffee. It's probably not going to be a good day.

This Is What I Have To Put Up With.......

2007-12-06T16:50:00.001-06:00

I get no respect.

I first sent this email to my mother and my sister hoping they would know what I was talking about.

Saundra Batson <> wrote:

I don't know if you all remember this or not, but back when I first got my computer, you all were messing around with a Christmas screen saver that would change from day to day. It would start out with a tree and a few ornaments, then each day the tree would become more decorated, presents under the tree would appear and you could see more snow falling and piling up outside. By the time Christmas Day came around, the room was fully decorated and the presents and tree were full. I want to say that somewhere in all that, there was a fireplace and a grandfather clock with a mouse that could be seen at times climbing up the side of it. The window showing the snow outside had a sort of Londony, vintage-y look to it with horses and carriages driving by.
I know I did not pay for this screen saver and seem to think I downloaded it from somewhere online. I have looked and looked and this makes about the 4th year that I have searched for this screen saver. I've done so many searches on Google with so many different configurations over the years, it's making me sick.
Do either of you know what I am talking about and have any recollection of where we found it at?
--
*~*Sandy*~*

Both responded that they knew what I was describing but had no idea where to get it.
Remembering that around this same time, my Uncle Kevin had introduced us all to the Elf Bowling Game that went around and around and my thinking was that he also might have turned us on to this screen saver at the same time, so I sent a copy of this email to him. (The actual Elf Bowling game, not the virus of the same name.) I was hoping he could put me out of my misery and find the mysterious screen saver of old that I was looking for.

Here is his response:

I think the real issue isn’t that you’ve look for a screen saver for four years, although some may think this to be a little excessive.

Maybe your not looking for a screen saver at all. Is it possible your really looking to make a connection to your past computer childhood?

The holidays can be stressful for a lot of older people and we all want to capture this year as with all years that little bit of a past holiday that gives meaning and a sense of order to the current season.

Perhaps your desire for a simpler time is manifesting in the form of a screen saver from four years past.

The first thing is admitting you have a problem. Only then can you begin to truly heal.

I’ve written this little rhyme, maybe it will help.

You brightened each day when I didn’t move the mouse

That little Tree screen saver all snuggled up in my virtual house.

I didn’t remember to save you to a disk or CD now I’ve lost you forever how sad can I be.

You served me well though and never even cost me a buck I found you on a website what non-virtual luck.

Although I‘ll never see you back on my PC you’ll always be the only Screen Saver for me.

The only Little Tree… screen saver for me

Let the screen saver go Sandy, in the knowing that it lived a meaningful life keeping desktop wall paper “high chair baby pictures" and horrifying “our first puppy” shots from permanently burning into the CRT’s of countless monitors.

Let it go, it’s time to move on.

Love you

Your Uncle Kevin

I NEVER get a straight answer from him about anything! LOL

So, I am reveling in the fact that I had to do countless corrections of his spelling and punctuation just to save him the embarrassment of this being posted on the innernets for the whole world to see. And of course, he will deny those corrections adamantly. But if he would like for me to post a side by side comparison post, that can be arranged.
That'll teach him to mess with me! MuHaHA!

If anyone has any idea about the screen saver I am looking for, PLEASE please PLeaSE, for pete's sake, let me in on it!

Email Joke from Krissy

2007-12-06T13:21:00.000-06:00

This is a good one!

Why Parents Drink

The boss wondered why one of his most valued employees had not phoned in sick one day.
Having an urgent problem with one of the main computers, he dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whisper.
"Hello?"
"Is your daddy home?" he asked.
"Yes." whispered the small voice.
"May I talk with him?"
The child whispered, "No."

Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Mommy there?"
"Yes."
"May I talk with her?"
Again the small voice whispered, "No."
Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, "Is anybody else there?"
"Yes," whispered the child, "a policeman."

Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?"
"No, he's busy", whispered the child.
"Busy doing what?"
"Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman," came the whispered answer.

Growing more worried as he heard a loud noise in the background through the ear piece on the phone, the boss asked, "What is that noise?"

"A helicopter." answered the whispering voice.
"What is going on there?" demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive.
Again, whispering, the child answered, "The search team just landed a helicopter."
Alarmed, concerned and a little frustrated the boss asked, "What are they searching for?"
Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle...
"ME."

I Got No Soul

2007-12-06T11:00:00.000-06:00

Read through this email forward I got from Uncle Doug and then I'll do a little "passive-aggressive" dissection for you.

The Budweiser Story

(not a joke)

This is TRUE!

How Budweiser handled those who laughed at those who died on the 11th of September, 2001...

Thought you might like to know what happened in a little town north of Bakersfield , California.

After you finish reading this, please forward this story on to others so that our nation and people
around the world will know about those who laughed when they found out about the tragic events in New York , Pennsylvania , and the Pentagon.

On September 11th,

A Budweiser employee was making a delivery

to a convenience store in a California town

named McFarland.

He knew of the tragedy that had occurred

in New York when he entered the business

to find the two Arabs, who owned the business, whooping and hollering to show their approval

and support of this treacherous attack.

The Budweiser employee went to his truck,

called his boss and told him

of the very upsetting event!

He didn't feel he could be in that store with those

horrible people. His boss asked him,

'Do you think you could go in there long enough

to pull every Budweiser product and item

our beverage company sells there?

We'll never deliver to them again.'

The employee walked in,

proceeded to pull every single product his

beverage company provided and left

with an incredible grin on his face.

He told them never to bother to call for

a delivery again.

Budweiser happens to be the beer of choice

for that community.

Just letting you know how Kern County

handled this situation.

And Now

The Rest Of The Story:

It seems that the Bud driver and the Pepsi man

are neighbors. Bud called Pepsi and told him.

Pepsi called his boss who told him to

pull all Pepsi products as well!!!

That would include Frito Lay, etc.

Furthermore, word spread and

all vendors followed suit! At last report,

the store was closed indefinitely.

Good old American

Passive-Aggressive A$$ Whoopin!

Pass this along, America needs to know

that we're all working together!

If you can read this.

Thank a teacher...

If you are reading it in English....

THANK A SOLDIER!!!

If you do not send this

you have no soul !!!!

Ok...
First off, according to Snopes, (which I use religiously when something in an email forward sounds too good to be true), this whole story isn't true. Not even a little bit of it. Which I kind of thought myself once I read that Budweiser just happens to be the beer of choice in that community and that the Pepsi man lived right next door to the Budweiser man. Dead giveaways right there that something is fishy with this story. Too many co-inky-dinks.

The second problem I had with this email is that in between some of those lines of text were these cartoon-y, animated yet still cheesy graphics, depicting such scenes as a Budweiser beer being poured into a glass, an oblivious Gomer Pyle-looking soldier saluting into thin air, and a crystal teardrop-shaped framed rose dripping into what looks like a pool of blood.
I spared you those and didn't post them all here........ok, wait, you probably should see the rose one, it's so cheesy.

(Well, the blood puddle won't come out right but you get the idea.)

Who is making these awful graphics? More so, who are the friends and family of these people that are telling them it's "so pretty"? Liar, liar, pants on fire.

The third problem I have with this is the incorrigible use of grammar and punctuation throughout the whole story. Yet, I won't mention the specifics because I too have my own hangups about how I use punctuation sometimes. But I can say with confidence that I am not near as bad with it as what I saw in this story. Yeah buddy, I'll thank my teacher alright, but of course, I'll thank myself first for at least half-ass paying attention in class when she was teaching grammar and punctuation.

Fourth problem I have with this email is the fact that someone took a very horrendous event in the lives of Americans and made up a completely bogus story about it. Sure it was supposed to be an uplifting story, and even though so many people reading this email would think otherwise, the fact is that none of it was true. That's just sick. What kind of person thinks it's okay to make up stories about things so terrible and so prejudiced against another culture? Nothing like a racist storyline to keep the memories vivid in our minds.

My final problem with this email forward is the very last line:
"If you do not send this
you have no soul !!!!"

WHAT?! Just WHO do you think you are?
How dare you threaten me, judge me, condemn me and basically predict the outcome of my life from here on out based upon whether or not I continue the vicious circle of forwarding stupid emails!

I have no soul if I don't send your crappy email forward to everyone in my address book? I have no soul if I choose not to forward to potentially thousands of people, your homemade novelette that doesn't even remotely have a grain of truth to it? I have no soul if I refuse to subject anyone else that I know and love the misery of looking at your "mad skillz" with a graphics editing program?

Then I guess I have no soul.
Sorry.

Note to all reading this:
Just for the record, my Uncle Doug did not produce the above email. He just forwarded it.

Note to Uncle Doug:
I love ya, but please stop the madness.
xoxoxox

Send Me Your Resumé

2007-12-04T19:52:00.000-06:00

Good, reliable shopping assistants are hard to come by.

For My Sister.......LMAO!

2007-12-02T11:41:00.000-06:00

LMAO! LMAO! LMAO!

Emo kids and MySpace picture poses crack me up!

Reusable Grocery Bags

2007-12-01T20:19:00.000-06:00

YES! My wishes have come true!

Have you seen these yet? WalMart has finally gotten on the "green" bandwagon.

They started selling these black reusable bags for $1. Surprisingly for WalMart merchandise, they are very well made, hold twice as much as their regular plastic bags and are 100% recyclable, made from 85% recycled materials (tag on them says made from approximately 4 plastic soda bottles). They are square bottomed which is a major plus when filling them. I have used them a couple times already and can tell that the cashiers aren't too thrilled with them. They are kind of clumsy to fill at the register compared to the hanging plastic bags that they are used to that can be filled much faster and easier.
I have used them more around the house than at the grocery store. They are very handy. They hold so much and the handles on them are just right, not too short and not too long.
I am tempted to take them to another grocery store to see if they will be accepted for use as an alternative to the plastic or paper bags they offer.

Only drawback about them that I have heard about is that these WalMart bags cost a penny more than Kroger sells theirs for and Kroger offers 5¢ back per bag per visit. I don't think WalMart is offering anything back on theirs, at least not that I have heard.
I'd also like to know if they can be laundered. It doesn't say anything about it on the tag.

It's a step in the right direction for WalMart. I have to say that I am a little bit proud of them for finally doing something for the greater good of everyone instead of just their company and their bottom-line.

Last day of the month

2007-11-30T18:42:00.000-06:00

Here it is. Last day of the month. Seems like November just flew by.

Today I spent some time making some Christmas cards to send out. I normally don't send Christmas cards. In fact, I've NEVER sent Christmas cards. (Or is it holiday cards....I don't know anymore.)
Anyway, they are turning out really neat and I can't wait to send them.

Another thing I figured out today......... doing crafts keeps me busy enough that I nearly forget about eating or watching tv. That's a good thing, right?

I completely screwed the pooch on NaBloPoMo this year. I was almost there. Less than a week to go and I couldn't finish. Oh well, there's always next year.

Tomorrow, yawl!

One holiday down, two to go.......

2007-11-25T16:50:00.000-06:00

I seriously want to get my house in shape, organized and uncluttered before Christmas and New Years rolls around.
I feel like if I get a jump on the cleaning and organizing before Spring comes, that putting our house on the market as soon as we can will happen sooner. So I'm going to be making this my goal for the rest of the year.

Thanksgiving came and went without a hitch.
The dinner at my sisters was fantastic. My BIL, Jamie, actually built a 24 foot long table in one day and we got everyone sat around it except for one. It was awesome to see everyone sitting at one table. But it was scary when half the table got up and came down to our end to get at the fixin's they didn't have at their end. I felt that at any minute, a plate of taters and gravy was going to be sliding down the back of my neck and shirt. I totally forgot to get a picture of the whole thing but I hear there are pictures out there and I will post one as soon as I get one.

Dinner at the inlaws had all the usual suspects present. Nothing major happening there except for the seemingly comatose men who couldn't see or hear anything except the football game.

It was good to see everyone. I see each of them here and there all the time but it's different when they are all together in one room. There were also many that were missed. Probably a good thing anyway since Jamie would have had to build the table 35 feet long and somehow I just don't think that would have worked.

This is the last day I have with my family for the long weekend and I am trying to make it stretch for as long as I can.
Nothing left to say except.....

Tomorrow, yawl!

Quotes from Steven Wright - Part 11

2007-11-24T17:41:00.000-06:00

PART 11

I worked in a health food store once. A guy came in and asked me, "If I melt dry ice, can I take a bath without getting wet?"

I went to a 7-11 and asked for a 2x4 and a box of 3x5's. The clerk said, "ten-four."

I went down the street to the 24-hour grocery. When I got there, the guy was locking the front door. I said, "Hey, the sign says you're open 24 hours." He said, "Yes, but not in a row."

I love to go shopping. I love to freak out salespeople. They ask me if they can help me, and I say, "Have you got anything I'd like?" Then they ask me what size I need, and I say, "Extra medium."

I saw a small bottle of cologne and asked if it was for sale. She said, "It's free with purchase." I asked her if anyone bought anything today.

I met this wonderful girl at Macy's. She was buying clothes and I was putting Slinkies on the escalator.

There was a power outage at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were trapped on the escalators.

I bought my brother some gift-wrap for Christmas. I took it to the Gift Wrap department and told them to wrap it, but in a different print so he would know when to stop unwrapping.

For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier...I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.

I couldn't find the remote control to the remote control.

I invented the cordless extension cord.

I saw a close friend of mine the other day... He said, "Stephen, why haven't you called me?" I said, "I can't call everyone I want. My new phone has no five on it." He said, "How long have you had it?" I said, "I don't know... my calendar has no sevens on it."

I plugged my phone in where the blender used to be. I called someone. They went "Aaaaahhhh..."

Today I dialed a wrong number... The other person said, "Hello?" and I said, "Hello, could I speak to Joey?"... They said, "Uh... I don't think so...he's only 2 months old." I said, "I'll wait."

My roommate got a pet elephant. Then it got lost. It's in the apartment somewhere.

I installed a skylight in my apartment...The people who live above me are furious!

All of the people in my building are insane. The guy above me designs synthetic hairballs for ceramic cats. The lady across the hall tried to rob a department store...with a pricing gun. She said, "Give me all of the money in the vault, or I'm marking down everything in the store."

In my house there's this light switch that doesn't do anything. Every so often I would flick it on and off just to check. Yesterday, I got a call from a woman in Germany. She said, "Cut it out."

Doing a little work around the house. I put fake brick wallpaper over a real brick wall, just so I'd be the only one who knew. People come over and I'm gonna say, "Go ahead, touch it...it feels real."

In my house on the ceilings I have paintings of the rooms above...so I never have to go upstairs.

One time the power went out in my house and I had to use the flash on my camera to see my way around. I made a sandwich and took fifty pictures of my face. The neighbors thought there was lightning in my house.

All the plants in my house are dead---I shot them last night. I was teasing them by watering them with ice cubes.

I have a microwave fireplace in my house...The other night I laid down in front of the fire for the evening in two minutes.

Winny and I lived in a house that ran on static electricity...If you wanted to run the blender, you had to rub balloons on your head. If you wanted to cook, you had to pull off a sweater real quick.

I bought a house, on a one-way dead-end road. I don't know how I got there.

Chuck Norris Jokes - Part 6

2007-11-24T17:40:00.000-06:00

Ozzy Osbourne bites the heads off of bats. Chuck Norris bites the heads off of Siberian Tigers.

He, who lives by the sword, dies by the sword. He, who lives by Chuck Norris, dies by the roundhouse kick.

Chuck Norris can taste lies.

Chuck Norris can blow bubbles with beef jerky.

Chuck Norris does, in fact, live in a round house.

When Chuck Norris works out on the Total Gym, the Total Gym feels like it's been raped.

Chuck Norris' first job was as a paperboy. There were no survivors.

To be or not to be? That is the question. The answer? Chuck Norris.

There are two types of people in the world... people that suck, and Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris never wet his bed as a child. The bed wet itself out of fear.

70% of a human's weight is water. 70% of Chuck Norris' weight is his penis.

Chuck Norris uses 8'x10' sheets of plywood as toilet paper.

Chuck Norris eats steak for every single meal. Most times he forgets to kill the cow.

It is said that looking into Chuck Norris' eyes will reveal your future. Unfortunately, everybody's future is always the same: death by a roundhouse-kick to the face.

When you say "no one's perfect", Chuck Norris takes this as a personal insult.

Chuck Norris can win a game of Trivial Pursuit with one roll of the dice, and without answering a single question... just a nod of the head, and a stroke of the beard.

182,000 Americans die from Chuck Norris-related accidents every year.

Paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, but Chuck Norris beats all 3 at the same time.

If you're driving down the road and you think Chuck Norris just cut you off, you better thank your lucky stars it wasn't the other way around.

In the medical community, death is referred to as "Chuck Norris Disease".

Chuck Norris was once in a knife fight, and the knife lost.

The First rule of Chuck Norris is: you do not talk about Chuck Norris.

When Chuck Norris plays Monopoly, it affects the actual world economy.

Chuck Norris once ordered a steak in a restaurant. The steak did what it was told.

Chuck Norris once ate four 10lb bowling balls without chewing.

Chuck Norris likes his coffee half and half: half coffee grounds, half wood-grain alcohol.

Ready For Another Round

2007-11-23T12:44:00.000-06:00

I didn't quite get enough to eat yesterday at my sisters because I was battling a headache and all the excitement that a 25 foot table could bring. More on that later......

My husbands family dinner is tonight and I am ready for more turkey and sweet potatoes. YAY!

Tomorrow, yawl!

HAPPY TURKEY DAY!

2007-11-22T13:48:00.000-06:00

I hope everyone's bellies are full, football is on and the dishes are done!

Thanks goodness for top buttons!

Happy Thanksgiving!

I'll Be Back...

2007-11-21T12:38:00.001-06:00

That's all you get.
A couple of posts from Steven.

I'll post another set from Steven and Chuck tomorrow. And will be back in all my glory on Friday with a run-down of the festivities from the couple days before.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Tomorrow, yawl!

Quotes from Steven Wright - Part 10

2007-11-21T12:34:00.000-06:00

PART 10

I put hardwood floors on top of wall-to-wall carpet.

Tinsel is really snakes' mirrors.

Two babies were born on the same day at the same hospital. They lay there and looked at each other. Their families came and took them away. Eighty years later, by a bizarre coincidence, they lay in the same hospital, on their deathbeds, next to each other. One of them looked at the other and said, "So. What did you think?"

My grandfather gave me a watch. It doesn't have any hands or numbers. He says it's very accurate. I asked him what time it was. You can guess what he told me.

I spent all my money on a FAX machine. Now I can only FAX collect.

What are imitation rhinestones?

If a word in the dictionary were mispelled, how would we know?

If God dropped acid, would he see people?

In my house there's this light switch that doesn't do anything. Every so often I would flick it on and off just to check. Yesterday, I got a call from a woman in Madagascar. She said, "Cut it out."

It's a good thing we have gravity or else when birds died they'd just stay right up there. Hunters would be all confused.

I wrote a few children's books...not on purpose.

I wrote a song, but I can't read music so I don't know what it it. Every once in a while I'll be listening to the radio and I say, "I think I might have written that."

"So, do you live around here often?"

I got up one morning, couldn't find my socks, so I called Information. She said, "Hello, Information." I said, "I can't find my socks." She said, "They're behind the couch." And they were!

When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child....eventually.

[Referring to a glass of water:] I mixed this myself. Two parts H, one part O. I don't trust anybody!

A friend of mine once sent me a post card with a picture of the entire planet Earth taken from space. On the back it said, "Wish you were here."

I'm moving to Mars next week, so if you have any boxes...

Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.

I saw a bank that said "24 Hour Banking", but I don't have that much time.

I like to go to art museums and name the untitled paintings... Boy With Pail... Kitten On Fire.

I went to a restaurant that serves "breakfast at any time". So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.

I went to this restaurant last night that was set up like a big buffet in the shape of an Ouija board. You'd think about what kind of food you want, and the table would move across the floor to it.

I went to a general store. They wouldn't let me buy anything specifically.

Quotes from Steven Wright - Part 9

2007-11-21T12:31:00.000-06:00

PART 9

Yesterday I found out what doughnuts are for. You put them on doughbolts. They hold dough airplanes together. For kids, they make erector sets out of play-dough.

I went to a haunted house, looked under the kitchen table, and found spirit gum.

I went to a garage sale. "How much for the garage?" "It's not for sale."

I went to San Francisco. I found someone's heart.

I know the guy who writes all those bumper stickers. He hates New York.

A beautiful woman moved in next door. So I went over and returned a cup of sugar. "You didn't borrow this." "I will."

I had my coathangers spayed.

I washed a sock. Then I put it in the dryer. When I took it out, it was gone.

The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing.

I went to a fancy french restaurant called "Deja Vu." The headwaiter said, "Don't I know you?"

Last week I forgot how to ride a bicycle.

I took lessons in bicycle riding. But I could only afford half of them. Now I can ride a unicycle.

I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out.

I got food poisoning today. I don't know when I'll use it.

I put my air conditioner in backwards. It got cold outside. The weatherman on TV was confused. "It was supposed to be hot today."

I was in a job interview and I opened a book and started reading. Then I said to the guy, "Let me ask you a question. If you are in a spaceship that is traveling at the speed of light, and you turn on the headlights, does anything happen?" He said, "I don't know." I said, "I don't want your job."

I was in the first submarine. Instead of a periscope, they had a kaleidoscope. "We're surrounded."

I went camping and borrowed a circus tent by mistake. I didn't notice until I got it set up. People complained because they couldn't see the lake.

When I turned two I was really anxious, because I'd doubled my age in a year. I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I'm six I'll be ninety.

I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.

It's a fine night to have an evening.

Even snakes are afraid of snakes.

I can't stop thinking like this.

This isn't all true.

You know how it is when you're walking up the stairs, and you get to the top, and you think there's one more step? I'm like that all the time.

Avoided the Crowds

2007-11-20T18:18:00.000-06:00

Well, I got it done.
No more shopping for the rest of the week. I got everything I needed today for the dishes I am preparing for the Thanksgiving dinner at my sisters on Thursday. I shouldn't need to go back to WalMart for the rest of the week.
It was a little crowded today but nothing like it was when I went on the evening before Thanksgiving last year. It was my own fault. I knew better but was dreading going. I put it off until the last minute and nearly paid the price for it. You would have thought there was going to be some knock-down, drag-out fights in some of the aisles. And if you had kids with you, like I did, you were just asking for it. I will never put that kind of shopping off until the last minute again.

So I'm done. If I don't have it here already, we don't need it.

Look for half-ass posts for the rest of the week. I have two dinners at two different house. One includes a lot of fun and games. I sure need it right now.

Tomorrow, yawl!

A Day of Frustrations

2007-11-19T14:54:00.000-06:00

I am having a bad day. I woke up feeling okay but as the day goes on, more and more crap just keeps adding to my pile of frustrations.
I am frustrated about a number of things and sadly, I don't know if it's me or not, I can't figure out how to solve the problems.
I just want to scream. A real belly-busting primal scream at the top of my lungs. But I'm sure someone would call the cops on me.
I can't scream. I can't cry. All I can do is write about it.
I am frustrated at having to live my life based around other peoples schedules. I feel like I am in a constant state of waiting on someone, for something.
I am tired of waiting for DSL to become available in my area. %(*&#!@* AT&T!
I am tired of waiting to put our house up on the market and move out of this godforsaken tiny house and noisy neighborhood.
I am tired of waiting until my kids get older so I can do this, that and the other.
I am tired of people telling me one thing and doing another.
I am tired of being there for others but no one being there for me.
I am tired of people wanting me to do the things they want to do but not wanting to do the things I want to do.

I am sick of cleaning this house and as soon as I turn around, it is a disaster again.

*****

The Amish Friendship Cinnamon Bread I made yesterday was so good. I made my starters to give to friends. I even redid the instruction sheet so it was all nice and neat. The other one looked like it had made the rounds one too many times.
No one wants a starter. NO.ONE.
I feel good about making the bread because it is quite delicious but I don't have words to explain the looks, the comments and the lack of excitement from anyone about making their own. It was fun but I won't be doing anything like it in the future because this particular project felt like a waste of time since I couldn't share it afterwards. I am alone in trying anything just for the fun of it. I seriously don't know what is wrong with people. They are either too busy or think they are too busy to enjoy the simpler things in life anymore.

*****

I did a bit of uncluttering in the youngest ones toy box yesterday. I threw away a lot of pieces and parts that didn't go to anything. I cleaned out a bunch of toys that she no longer played with and that I was tired of picking up from the living room floor day after day.
In looking at what was left, I thought to myself that I should probably take a look at the Toy Recall list and see if any of the toys were on the list.
So this morning, I looked up the list and was immediately flustered with the whole notion of looking up the toys to see if any had been recalled. This list is the most ignorant thing I have ever seen. Not only is the list longer than the novel, War and Peace, it's not even categorized by toy or anything. The links to each recall page are so descriptive and not narrowed down to the basics, like name of toy and the company name.

Here are a few examples:
The Orvis Company Recalls Children's Toys Sold with Sleeping Bags Due to Choking Hazard
Fisher-Price Recalls Licensed Character Toys Due To Lead Poisoning Hazard
Risk of Explosion and Hearing Damage Prompts Recall of Remote Control Airplanes
New Easy-Bake Oven Recall Following Partial Finger Amputation; Consumers Urged to Return Toy Ovens
AAFES Expands Recall of "Soldier Bear" Toy Sets Due to Lead Poisoning Hazard
Serious Intestinal Injury Prompts Kipp Brothers Recall of Mag Stix Magnetic Building Sets
Infantino Recalls Children's Toy Castles Due to Choking Hazard
Target Recalls Toy Barbeque Grills Due to Laceration Hazard
RC2 Corp. Recalls Various Thomas & Friends™ Wooden Railway Toys Due to Lead Poisoning Hazard
Gemmy Industries Corp. Recalls Flashing Eyeball Toys Due to Chemical Hazard
Toy Drums Recalled by The Boyds Collection Ltd. Due to Lead Poisoning Hazard

Understand what I am saying?
Most of the toys I need to look up don't even say on them who they are made by. And since I am STILL ON DIALUP, when I do go look at a possible match, the pictures of the recalled toys take FOREEEVVEERRR to load. What a nightmare!
#*(&@*&@!% DIALUP!
I know I need to do this but it's going to take me all of next year to get through it. I'm left with no choice but to throw away all these toys, painstakingly go through this list or don't do it at all. ARGH!

*****

These things might seem minuscule to other people but for me, they are big things that really bother me.
I don't have anyone to talk to about them. I sit here all day, every day, and this is what I resort to focusing on. I can't help it.

It feels better to write it all out.

Amish Friendship Bread and Uncluttering

2007-11-18T13:45:00.000-06:00

Today is a day of uncluttering. I always get this way around holiday time. We never have company over during the holidays because are house is so small, but I still feel like I need to super-clean and declutter the whole house anyway.
As I write this, I am taking a break from an attempt at uncluttering my house. We live in a teeny tiny house and I can never seem to get a hang of the "bring in one item, get rid of two" bit that HGTV preaches.
I haven't got far yet. I've spent most of the morning getting some groceries at WalMart, cleaning out a little of my bedroom and making Amish Cinnamon Friendship Bread. That's the bread that you mix in a ziploc for 10 days and at the end, measure out 4 "starters" to give to friends and make your two loaves of bread with the rest. I sure hope it turns out ok. It certainly smells good. It was a bit of work but hopefully it will be worth it. I'll post an update as soon as I get a taste of it.

UPDATE:The Amish Cinnamon Friendship Bread is soooo good! Way better than I expected. It really was worth 10 days of mushing and mushing. I actually can't wait to make more.

Big Norm Fish Scaler

2007-11-18T13:43:00.000-06:00

Big Norm Fish Scaler

This scaler has 19 floating heads which lift off and catch scales.
This is the quick way to clean a fish.

I am going to buy this for the hubby. It's the least I can do since I nag at him for not wanting to keep all the perch that I catch because it's too hard to scale the smaller ones.
I like to keep all the small ones. You just cut off the heads, gut them, scale them and cook them whole. You get more fish for your worm cooking and eating them that way.
At least with this, the scaling part wouldn't be such a chore. I could even do it for him with this handy little gadget.

Let's Wabble!

2007-11-17T19:05:00.000-06:00

Wabble is a version of Scrabble® that you can play right in your browser. No need to register, no software to download and no Java or Flash interfaces. You can start a new game or join a game already in progress.

It's real easy to play. Click a tile to select it. Click somewhere else to place it. Click 'Submit' when you have your word. Note that, until you click 'Submit', no one else can see the tiles you have placed on the board.

Wabble

Human-Pig Hybrid

2007-11-17T18:42:00.000-06:00

This photo completely freaks me out! It's so life-like. The really scary part about it to me though is it looks like something that could possibly exist.

The human-like sow and her offspring are a sculpture entitled The Young Family by artist/sculptor Patricia Piccinini, shown as part of her We Are Family exhibition in 2003.

I think it looks more like a hairless dog than a pig.

U-Haul Box Exchange

2007-11-17T18:33:00.000-06:00

Every little bit helps.

U-Haul Box Exchange

The U-Haul Box Exchange is a message board that you can use to trade, sell or buy reusable boxes and moving supplies. With every reuse of a box, a new box is prevented from entering the cycle.

I find it very impressive for U-Haul to be taking this approach and allowing customers this little space on their website to help the environment. Go U-Haul!

Top Ten Best Opening Lyrics

2007-11-16T18:22:00.000-06:00

For some reason, I am really attracted to list posts. Top 10, Top 100, Top 5.....I like 'em all!

Here's another funny one I came across on Jason Rorhbloggers blog.

10. "Warden threw a party in the county jail"
-Elvis Presley "Jailhouse Rock"

9. "On a dark desert highway, cool wind in my hair"
-Eagles "Hotel California"

8. "Sittin' in the morning sun, I'll be sittin' when the evening comes"
-Otis Redding "(Sittin' on) The Dock of the Bay"

7. "You shake my nerves and you rattle my brain"
-Jerry Lee Lewis "Great Balls of Fire"

6. "Just take those old records off the shelf"
-Bob Seger "Old Time Rock 'n' Roll"

5. "I guess I shoulda known by the way you parked your car sideways that it wouldn't last"
-Prince "Little Red Corvette"

4. "Jeremiah was a bullfrog!"
-Three Dog Night "Joy to the World"

3. "Gold coast slave ship bound for cotton fields, sold in a market down in New Orleans"
-Rolling Stones "Brown Sugar"

2. "Welcome to the jungle, we got fun 'n' games"
-Guns n' Roses "Welcome to the Jungle"

And the number one best opening lyric of all time...

1. "I like big butts and I cannot lie"
-Sir Mix-A-Lot "Baby Got Back"

And the alternates...

"Load up on guns, bring your friends"
-Nirvana "Smells Like Teen Spirit"

"One pill makes you larger, and one pill makes you small"
-Jefferson Airplane "White Rabbit"

"There's a lady who's sure all that glitters is gold"
-Led Zeppelin "Stairway to Heaven"

"If I leave here tomorrow, would you still remember me?"
-Lynryd Skynyrd "Free Bird"

"You know the day destroys the night, night divides the day"
-The Doors "Break on Through"

"When the sun comes up on a sleepy little town down around San Antone"
-Doobie Brothers "China Grove"

"I see trees of green, red roses too"
-Louis Armstrong "What a Wonderful World"

"She's a good girl, loves her mama, loves Jesus and America, too"
-Tom Petty "Free Fallin'"

"Busted flat in Baton Rouge, waiting for a train and I was feeling nearly as faded as my jeans"
-Janice Joplin "Me and Bobby McGee"

"Ground control to Major Tom"
-David Bowie "Major Tom"

VIA

The Bon Jovi Experience

2007-11-15T13:43:00.000-06:00

Finally, here are the pics of my once-in-a-lifetime meeting with the members of the rock group, Bon Jovi. This was indeed one of the most nerve-wracking and awkward times of my life.

It was 1985 and we had tickets in hand to see Bon Jovi and Ratt in concert at Hammons Student Center in Springfield. Earlier in the day, my boyfriend and I were lounging around, getting geared up for that nights festivities, when on the radio, which I am sure was Rock99 at the time, the announcer only said a few words......Bon Jovi, Liberty Sound, and the time to be there. I didn't hear it but my boyfriend did. We hopped in the car and headed for Springfield. When we arrived at Liberty Sound, sure enough, we weren't the only ones to hear the blip on the radio. There were about 10 people already standing at the front door. We all stood in line for about an hour. Finally, they opened the doors and we were one of the first people in line at the counter where the autograph signing was going to take place. The store was filled to the brim with people by the time the back door opened and in walked the band.

I nearly fainted. I couldn't believe it when the whole band lined up behind the counter and were no more than two feet away from me. And OH.MY.GOD. were they gorgeous! Especially Jon.
By the time it was my turn to approach him for an autograph, I was shaking so hard and couldn't talk at all. He was asking my name and I couldn't tell him. I went all giggly and stupid. I hate when I do that.

Anyway, he's signing this little tiny piece of paper that I found and I finally got up the courage and the voice to ask him if I could touch him. He looked up at me, smiling and said, “Sure.” I reached out and touched his hand. In that instant, my courage bounded out of my body and I found my hand had a mind of its own and was now proceeding to touch Jon Bon Jovi all over his arm, across his shoulder and all over his chest! I don't know what come over me but I remember thinking, if you're going to touch him, TOUCH HIM GOOD! And I did! He was smiling and laughing and I was in a trance. He didn't seem to mind but I could tell he didn't expect it. I told him thanks and proceeded on down the line to the next band member, Alec John Such. Then Richie Sambora. Then David Bryan. And at the end of the line was Tico Torres. I hardly remember saying anything to them or even taking the pictures that I did take because I was fixated on watching Jon the whole time. Man, he was hot then and still is!

Looking back on all this, I remember thinking how ridiculous I used to think girls were acting when I would see them on TV completely freaking out to Elvis or the Beatles. I have to say now I can't blame them at all. I was thisclose to doing the same thing when I met Jon Bon Jovi. I can’t believe I acted like that.

It would be interesting to see, now that I am older, if I could control myself if I got the chance to meet Jon Bon Jovi again.

Somehow I doubt it.

The Commercialization of Holidays Is Out Of Control

2007-11-14T14:47:00.000-06:00

I just read this today about Lowes Home Improvement Center. Things like this are just getting crazier and crazier.

A 2007 Lowe's holiday catalog advertised Christmas trees as "family trees."

Snopes says its true:

"In an effort to avoid the use of the term "Christmas tree," Lowe's has renamed their Christmas trees and are now calling them "Family trees."

In their Holiday 2007 catalog, containing 56 pages of Christmas gifts, Lowe's advertises hundreds of gift items, including scores of "Family trees." In fact, the word "Christmas" only appears two times in the entire holiday catalog. The ads mentioning "Christmas cover only 12 square inches of the 5236 square inches available."

Lowe's evidently did not want to offend any non-Christians, therefore they replaced "Christmas tree" with "Family tree."

Their Holiday 2007 catalog features scores of products, including lights, wreaths, trees, and yard decorations. Most people would associate these items with Christmas, but not Lowe's! Except for two obscure references, they refer to everything in their catalog as "holiday."

Here's what my mom had to say about it:
I get so worked up over this..... Christmas is what it is... a religious holiday (holyday) and if some don't like it then invent a different day to celebrate and call it National Spend Your Money Day! I spend a lot of money with Lowe's, but I'm going to contact them and let them know, that I'll be buying my CHRISTMAS decorations elsewhere and I hope that doesn't offend them!

Go Mom!

Man....I am so tired of this. Every year the arguments over religion and offending others get worse and worse. The problem I see with this whole Christmas tree thing is, if you don't celebrate Christmas, you don't buy a tree as decoration. So why do you care what others call it?
Maybe Lowes should consider selling Hanukkah menorahs and Kwanzaa kinaras instead of just decorations for those who celebrate Christmas. Maybe they already do, I dunno. Maybe Lowes should just stick to home improvement items and quit selling holiday decorations altogether.

You know, Festivus doesn't sound like such a bad idea after all. I've always said that the best part of the holidays for me is my family gathered for a meal and playing games afterwards. I could care less whether we divvy out presents or not.

You haven't heard of Festivus??
It's a non-denominational holiday featured on the Seinfeld show but now really celebrated in real life. It's an alternate holiday resurrected and modified to protest against the commercialization of Christmas. It's celebrated on Dec 23 and instead of Christmas trees, you have a Festivus Pole.
Sounds crazy but people really celebrate this holiday. And yes, I'm SERIOUS!

"Festivus for the rest of us!"

I think it would be fun!
In fact, I think I am going to suggest this to my family over the Thanksgiving holiday. We can still gather and eat but if you feel you have to bring a present for someone, make it something handmade, homemade or something you already own but can't use or don't want. Nothing store-bought.
We'll see how it goes.

Tomorrow, yawl!

Favorite Motivations

2007-11-12T19:12:00.000-06:00

I don't remember where I got these. I've had them printed out and sitting on my desk for over a year now. I like looking at them every once in a while. They really pump me up. I hope they do the same for you.

Can't Never Did Anything.
The idea here is that you can be your own worst enemy when it comes to getting something done. If you say you can't do something, or think you can't, then very likely you won't. It's true--can't never did anything.

Another way I look at it is when someone else tells me I can't do something. That's pretty powerful motivation right there. While it's really good to have people have faith in you, it can really get you going when they don't.

Make Yourself.
In essence it's about not letting other people make you into something you don't want to be and taking responsibility for your own growth through life.

For me, it's often about taking responsibility for my own actions, my own life and getting things done myself. Oh, and hopefully doing them the right way. If you take responsibility for things, you can then influence them and hopefully get them right.

Acknowledge. Move On.
There are things in life you have little or no control over. With those things you acknowledge their existence, do what you can and move on with your life.

There's not much point in stressing over something that you can't influence or control.

No one ever excused his way to success.
I think most of us struggle with excuses. The truth is that if you're making excuses, you're probably not getting much done, and you might be making yourself look bad in the process.

Just Do It!
The way I see it, there are usually a million reasons not to do something. Most of them are bad.

Of course it depends on what you're doing. But in general, become a fan of living life and not watching it pass you by.

No deer.

2007-11-11T20:51:00.000-06:00

The hunting crew just came back from up north and didn't even see a deer to shoot. Bummer.

Tomorrow, yawl!

SMACKS FOREHEAD

2007-11-10T11:05:00.000-06:00

Sometimes I don't know what's wrong with my brain. I see things that other people have invented or found a simple solution for, smack myself on the forehead and think, "Why didn't I think of that!?" Sometimes the solution to a problem is so simple that I wonder if I am missing so many brain cells that I can't think at all.
This is one of those times. I don't know how many times that I've plugged my cellphone into the wall with the cord laying out across the kitchen counter seemingly in the way of everything and thought to myself, "I wish there was a better way to do this.".

Now there is!

It's called a Driinn.

From the website:

Driinn to the rescue! Charging a cell phone or PDA can be a messy experience. The device and tangled cord often rest precariously on a precipice - table, shelf, counter top, window sill - from which they could easily fall, or on the floor near an outlet, where they are vulnerable to getting stepped on. Designed in Holland, Driinn is named after the sound that the Dutch think a phone makes when it rings. Just wrap the charge cord around the holder; the Driinn hangs between the battery charger and the electric outlet. It provides a safe haven for your device to rest while charging and a convenient storage place for the charging cord. You’ll want one for every mobile device you have. Comes in Black, Lime Green and Red Orange.

Is that a stroke of pure genius or what!??! I think it's fantastic!
And even better than solving one of my most annoying pet peeves............it only costs $10!

I only wish I had thought of it first.

I must have one of these......or two.

Top Ten Worst Album Covers

2007-11-09T13:51:00.000-06:00

I just love Mental Floss. Every once in a while they post something so funny that I just have to pass it along.

Todays post is about the Top Ten Worst Album Covers of All Time.

I don't know whether to feel sorry for these people or laugh. I seem to be doing more laughing. You'd have thought someone would have told them how silly their album cover looks before they sent it to print, but I guess no one did.
Enjoy!

10. Ken: By Request Only
I can assure you, Ken, we have only one request.

9. Something Special from Jeff
Poor Jeff looks like death warmed over, from his Herman Munster tan to that funeral director suit. I just hope the “something special” he’s got for us doesn’t involve that hook. (Or perhaps that’s his instrument. After all, Radiohead front man Thom Yorke played a prosthetic arm on his last solo album.)

8. Joyce
This 1983 album is self-titled, but serious Joyce fans know it as “The Red Album.” One choice cut from this LP is “I Get All Excited.”

7. Heino: Liebe Mutter
Keeping the rose theme going, German singer Heino was on his way to plant this rose bush when he stumbled into the photo studio.

6. Orleans: Waking and Dreaming
I’ve had the naked-at-school dream plenty of times. But naked at the photo shoot? Also, notice how the photographer arranged them not according to height, but beardedness.

5. Mike Terry Live At the Pavilion Theater, Glasgow: Volume 2
I can only imagine Mike Terry sounds a lot like he looks: like Elton John crossed with Liberace and fat, Vegas Elvis.

4. Freddie Gage: All My Friends Are Dead
Nicknamed the Underworld Preacher, Gage is a reformed drug addict from Texas. This is an album with a good heart: a sermon aimed at teens which tries to tell them the truth about drug abuse. With an album cover like this, though, I’m betting Gage didn’t sell a lot of copies to anyone, young or old.

3. At Play with the Playmates
Do their wives know about this? Good Lord — these guys look so natural on that bike! But seriously: this 50s vocal trio had a long career, and you can buy this album on Amazon right now.

2. David Ingles: Satan Has Been Paralyzed
(Satan’s not the only one.) Ingles claims his music can heal you, fix your marriage and make you rich.

1. Cody Matherson: Can I Borrow A Feelin’?
Cody had the great honor of having his album title stolen by the writers of The Simpsons: in the episode “A Milhouse Divided,” after Milhouse’s dad loses his marriage and hits rock bottom he records a terrible album called “Can I Borrow A Feeling?” Sounds like Matherson should borrow a lawyer.

Posts like this just crack me up!

Had enough? No? Go here for a list of the Top 100.

Top Ten Pornographic Images for Women

2007-11-08T13:55:00.000-06:00

10.

9.

I don't have to have a reason to bring you flowers.

8.

Is that the baby? I'll get her.

7.

Ooh, look, the NFL playoffs are today. I'll bet we'll have no trouble parking at the crafts fair.

6.

I don't want anyone "falling in" in the middle of the night.

5.

I know. Let's take you shoe shopping!

4.

As long as I have legs to walk on, you'll never have to take out the garbage.

3.

I made some Niman Ranch lamb tenderloin with garlic, black pepper, and Indonesian soy sauce for dinner. I hope that sounds OK.

2.

I like to get these things before I have to be asked.

And the number one pornographic image for women...

1.

Hold that thought a second. I want to pull over and ask for directions.

LMBO!

Excuse me while I go take a cold shower.

via Jason Rorhblogger

Life happens.

2007-11-08T12:55:00.001-06:00

Well, I failed.
For the most part, yesterday was a blur to me. After spending most of the day at my sisters house, I came home very lazy and lethargic. All I wanted to do was pass out on the couch and not wake up until this morning. But when you have kids, gone are the days of taking naps whenever you want. So I did the basics to keep everyone happy and fed but slunk back to my warm spot on the couch in between those times. By the time bedtime for the kiddies rolled around, I was very tired. I thought to myself, I'll just watch a few more minutes of tv, run in and make a quick blog post and then I'll head to bed. I was awakened by my husband at 2AM asking if I was going to come to bed.
Alas, life happens and I didn't make it through even a week of NaBloPoMo. I'm not giving up though. I still have most of the month left and I could use the motivation to post. I may be down but I'm not out.

My thought this morning as I was watching tv, How come you rarely see people in limousines wearing seat belts? Do they think they are immune to auto accidents just because they are cruising around in a car bigger than my house? I find that weird.

Blog, blah, blah

2007-11-06T17:11:00.000-06:00

Sorry dear people. I just do not have it in me today.

I think that Mexican food yesterday did a number on me. My stomach has been churning and gurgling ever since last night and I feel kinda puny right now.

I'll blog a good one tomorrow.
Until then, I leave you in the company of my good buddies, Chuck and Steven.

Tomorrow, yawl!

Quotes from Steven Wright - Part 8

2007-11-06T17:10:00.000-06:00

PART 8

I xeroxed my watch. Now I have time to spare.

I took a course in speed waiting. Now I can wait an hour in only ten minutes.

I eat swiss cheese. But I only nibble on it. I make the holes bigger.

I moved into an all-electric house. I forgot and left the porch light on all day. When I got home the front door wouldn't open.

I got a garage door opener. It can't close. Just open.

You know how it is when you go to be the subject of a psychology experiment, and nobody else shows up, and you think maybe that's part of the experiment? I'm like that all the time.

I went over to the neighbor's and asked to borrow a cup of salt. "What are you making?" "A salt lick."

There aren't enough days in the weekend.

My friend Sally is a nudist. I went to her house. The closets have no doors. The walls are covered with see-through wallpaper.

Sally plays strip poker. Whenever she loses, she has to put something on.

The sky is falling...no, I'm tipping over backwards.

Droughts are because God didn't pay his water bill.

Is "tired old cliche" one?

If you had a million Shakespeares, could they write like a monkey?

If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?

It only rains straight down. God doesn't do windows.

When I get bored I go to a Seven-Eleven and ask for a two-by-four and a box of three-by-fives.

The sign said "eight items or less". So I changed my name to Les.

Yesterday I saw a chicken crossing the road. I asked it why. It told me it was none of my business.

I rented a lottery ticket. I won a million dollars. But I had to give it back.

In school, every period ends with a bell. Every sentence ends with a period. Every crime ends with a sentence.

I xeroxed my watch. Now I can give away free watches.

I xeroxed a mirror. Now I have an extra xerox machine.

I took a course in speed reading. Then I got Reader's Digest on microfilm. By the time I got the machine set up, I was done.

Chuck Norris Jokes - Part 5

2007-11-06T17:07:00.000-06:00

Q: How many Chuck Norris' does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, Chuck Norris prefers to kill in the dark.

As President Roosevelt said: "We have nothing to fear but fear itself. And Chuck Norris."

Chuck Norris does not own a house. He walks into random houses and people move.

Chuck Norris is the only person to ever win a staring contest against Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder at the same time.

Industrial logging isn't the cause of deforestation. Chuck Norris needs toothpicks.

Chuck Norris smells what the Rock is cooking... because the Rock is Chuck Norris' personal chef.

When God said, "let there be light", Chuck Norris said, "say 'please'."

Chuck Norris uses a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris is not capable of hitting a target on the broad side of a barn. Every time he tries, the whole damn barn falls down.

Chuck Norris kills anyone that asks, "You want fries with that" because by now everyone should know that Chuck doesn't ever want fries with anything. Ever.

Sticks and stones may break your bones, but a Chuck Norris stare will liquefy your kidneys.

Chuck Norris once went skydiving, but promised never to do it again. One Grand Canyon is enough.

Chuck Norris's version of a "chocolate milkshake" is a raw porterhouse wrapped around ten Hershey bars, and doused in diesel fuel.

If Chuck Norris round-house kicks you, you will die. If Chuck Norris' misses you with the round-house kick, the wind behind the kick will tear out your pancreas.

In a fight between Batman and Darth Vader, the winner would be Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris puts his pants on one leg at a time, just like the rest of us. The only difference is, then he kills people.

Chuck Norris got his drivers license at the age of 16….seconds.

The original title for “Alien vs. Predator” was “Alien and Predator vs. Chuck Norris”. The film was canceled shortly after going into pre-production. No one would pay nine dollars to see a movie fourteen seconds long.

For most people, home is where the heart is. For Chuck Norris, home is where he stores his collection of human skulls.

Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch; HE decides what time it is.

When Chuck Norris does division, there are no remainders.

Never look a gift Chuck Norris in the mouth, because he will bite your damn eyes off.

It's over.

2007-11-05T16:57:00.000-06:00

Halloween and Kasey's birthday were the last things on the list to get done before I need to start gearing up for Thanksgiving and Christmas.
Halloween came and went and I got a little sigh of relief from that but not much because I still had a birthday to get ready for later in the week.
So we celebrated Kaseys birthday today instead of yesterday by taking her out of school early and going to eat at her favorite restaurant with cake and ice cream waiting for us when we got home. As soon as I sliced that last piece of cake, my body literally felt heavy from the burden of getting it all done and over with. Even 15 minutes after loading up on thick, creamy icing from the cake, I was ready for a nap. It was like a huge burden had been lifted off my shoulders and I need to recoup from it all before tackling the next big event. I can't wait to snuggle in my bed tonight and not have to worry if I forgot something or didn't do something.
I think she had a great time this last couple days. Among her other little presents, she FINALLY got the Heelies she'd been wanting so badly. I bought her an off-brand of the Dance, Dance Revolution game at Toys'R'Us and wasn't sure if she'd like it. Boy, was I wrong! She can't get enough of it. Being it's not the real DDR game, it's not as well made and kind of small for her. I'm going to try to get the real thing for her for Christmas if I can. She loves it and I love that she's getting some good exercise from it. I tried it and it even had me huffing and puffing after only one song.
Day 5 of NaBloPoMo and I'm still here. It's not as bad as I thought. The worst of it is trying to remember to post at least once a day. Sometimes I get on the computer and don't even remember that I need to post until I'm about ready to sign off. Anyway, so far, so good. Hopefully I'll have some better things to post about in the coming days. Right now, I'm pooped.

Where's my pillow?

Tomorrow, yawl!

Happy Birthday, Baby!

2007-11-04T18:29:00.000-06:00

My biggest baby turned 9 years old today. Where has the time gone?

I took her to ToysR'Us this afternoon to spend the birthday money she got from her Grammy. I ended up spending another $40 on her birthday that I hadn't planned on spending. I hate that store. It gets me in the pocketbook every time.
I also let her open a small present this morning that I got her earlier and told her it was from her little sister.
Tomorrow, her father is staying home from work to take her to school. I think we are going to get her out of school early and go eat at Los Portales and then come back home for some cake, ice cream and a movie. She will like that. She doesn't know he's not going to work tomorrow, so she will be very surprised about him taking her to school. She loves when he does that.

I just can't believe she's 9 already. Time is just flying by. Makes me sad to see her getting so big so fast.

I love you baby girl! Happy Birthday!

Quotes from Steven Wright - Part 7

2007-11-04T17:10:00.000-06:00

PART 7

I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don't know what to feed it.

I made a chocolate cake with white chocolate. Then I took it to a potluck. I stood in line for some cake. They said, "Do you want white cake or chocolate cake?" I said, "yes".

My aunt gave me a walkie-talkie for my birthday. She says if I'm good, she'll give me the other one next year.

I went to the bank and asked to borrow a cup of money. They said, "What for?" I said, "I'm going to buy some sugar."

I eat swiss cheese from the inside out.

I had amnesia once or twice.

I bought a million lottery tickets. I won a dollar.

I got a chain letter by fax. It's very simple. You just fax a dollar bill to everybody on the list.

I plugged my phone in where the blender used to be. I called someone. They went "Aaaaahhhh..."

My friend Sam has one leg. I went to his house. I couldn't go up the stairs.

The sun never sets on the British Empire. But it rises every morning. The sky must get awfully crowded.

I brought a mirror to Lovers' Lane. I told everybody I'm Narcissus.

You know how it is when you decide to lie and say the check is in the mail, and then you remember it really is? I'm like that all the time.

How many people does it take to change a searchlight bulb?

I was in the grocery store. I saw a sign that said "pet supplies". So I did. Then I went outside and saw a sign that said "compact cars".

The sky already fell. Now what?

I wear my heart on my sleeve. I wear my liver on my pant leg.

I still have my Christmas Tree. I looked at it today. Sure enough, I couldn't see any forests.

If you can wave a fan, and you can wave a club, can you wave a fan club?

When I was in boy scouts, I slipped on the ice and hurt my ankle. A little old lady had to help me across the street.

If you write the word "monkey" a million times, do you start to think you're Shakespeare?

You know how it is when you're reading a book and falling asleep, you're reading, reading...and all of a sudden you notice your eyes are closed? I'm like that all the time.

Smoking cures weight problems...eventually...

I had fried octopus last night. You have to be really quiet when you eat it. Otherwise, it emits a cloud of black smoke and falls on the floor.

Yesterday I told a chicken to cross the road. It said, "what for?"

Chuck Norris Jokes - Part 4

2007-11-04T17:05:00.000-06:00

Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.

When Chuck Norris was a baby, he didn't suck his mother's breast. His mother served him whiskey, straight out of the bottle.

According to Einstein's theory of relativity, Chuck Norris can actually roundhouse kick you yesterday.

Chuck Norris once pulled out a single hair from his beard and skewered three men through the heart with it.

When the Boogeyman goes to bed he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

When Chuck Norris plays baseball he hits a homerun every time by roundhouse kicking the baseball. He then proceeds to f**k all the girls in the stadium with his beard.

Chuck Norris wears a live rattlesnake as a condom.

When Chuck Norris runs with scissors, other people get hurt.

If at first you don't succeed, you're not Chuck Norris.

If Chuck Norris were a calendar, every month would be named Chucktober, and every day he'd kick your ass.

Fear is not the only emotion Chuck Norris can smell. He can also detect hope, as in "I hope I don't get a roundhouse kick from Chuck Norris."

Chuck Norris's show is called Walker: Texas Ranger, because Chuck Norris doesn't run.

Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every dead man, there is Chuck Norris.

The easiest way to determine Chuck Norris' age is to cut him in half and count the rings.

The Bible was originally titled "Chuck Norris and Friends"

Chuck Norris was what Willis was talkin' about.

Google won't search for Chuck Norris because it knows you don't find Chuck Norris, he finds you.

Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.

It is scientifically impossible for Chuck Norris to have had a mortal father. The most popular theory is that he went back in time and fathered himself.

Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because Chuck Norris only recognizes the element of surprise.

Chuck Norris shot the sheriff, but he round house kicked the deputy.

Chuck Norris can judge a book by its cover.

Nothing can escape the gravity of a black hole, except for Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris eats black holes. They taste like chicken.

Chuck Norris does not play the lottery. It doesn't have nearly enough balls.

FREE GAMES!

2007-11-03T15:26:00.000-05:00

I like a good online game once in a while, how about you?

These two sites are my favorite places for free online games.

Gamesheep

Random Good Stuff - Games

My Love Story

2007-11-03T13:19:00.000-05:00

~For my girls, Kasey and Korey~

This is a story that I wrote many years ago about the meeting of and first date with your daddy. Looking back on how I wrote and phrased this story, I could change a lot of it. But I will leave it as written, grammatical and spelling errors and all........even though it sounds pretty silly when I read it now. But this is how it all happened......

It all started on Valentines Day 1994. I felt so silly putting a small valentine with a roll of Lifesavers attached on the windshield of that truck. I had written on it: To Marvin Lee, Jr. From Sandy 743-2399. I was hoping for a call back but wasn't sure if I would get one because I had no idea if he had a girlfriend or not but I thought what the heck. It was worth a shot. He was very cute!

Actually, I should start at the very beginning. I became divorced in August of 1993. I thought at first, that being on my own was going to be a blast, since I married right out of high school and had never had a chance to live by myself. I had a little fun decorating my own place the way I wanted, staying up as late as I wanted, going to Taco Bell at 1 a.m. if I wanted. But soon I realized I was the type of person who needed to have someone close to me to talk to, go places with or just sit and cuddle in front of the t.v. with. I don't like being alone very much. I need someone I can show things to and will show me things. Someone who likes the same things I do and also has their own interests to show off.

My "dream man" has always been the type of guy I had hope to marry. Why I didn't wait for him before I got married the first time, I don't know. He is described as big, tall, strong, handsome, intellegent, funny, very caring about himself and the person he loves, and last but not least, OUTDOORSY! I love being outdoors. I have always wanted a beautiful old farmhouse with a pond, a garden and lots of animals. A place to run around and be me. A place to learn to make bread. A place to server huge meals to my "dream man" and a few friends who just came back from a long day of whatever. A place to throw a bar-be-que for friends and family and someday have everyone over for Christmas. A place for my dog to run his little paws off all day and come inside for a drink and to lay by the fireplace. A place to plant flowers all the way around the house. A place to walk through the woods and have a picnic with my husband. That's all I ever wanted was a beautiful man, a beautiful house and a beautiful place to put it all.

Anyway, after a while of being without someone who I could care for and that really cared for me, I started getting interested in finding someone to date. At 26, you don't really feel like you know what to do anymore. It's not like you were in school again and you had a friend who would go ask the person you are interested in if he likes you or not. And it's not like you are so old that you need to resort to the personal ads in the newspaper to find a date. And if you aren't really the bar-hopping type or you feel uncomfortable about going to the singles meetings at the local church, what do you do? Well, lucky for me, I have an Aunt Cathie!

My Aunt Cathie is my mother's sister. We have always run around like best friends for as long as I can remember. We have done everything together. She is like the side of me that would never reveal itself. I mean that in a good way I guess. She can do the most unbelievable stuff that would embarrass the tar out of me and never think twice about it. Cathie has that "I won't be run over by anyone." attitude. I'm not saying that she is a snob or anything, but more along the lines of she knows what she wants and how she wants it. She is a very strong-willed person. She is also one of the most caring and giving people I know. I can just about talk to my mother about anything and she will try to help me out the best she can. But I know I'm not the only one who has ever felt that there are just some things you feel silly talking to a mother about. So I have always turned to Aunt Cathie about the "other stuff". She has been there for me when I need to talk about something serious or stupid. Cathie knows how I am. Somehow, I guess she thought I needed help in finding a nice guy to date. You won't believe what she did.

One day in February of 1994, Cathie and her husband, my uncle Gary, went to a little town outside of Springfield called Elwood. This town has no Post Office or school. It is basically just a strip of highway with houses on each side. I had never been there before and it really isn't that far away from where I lived. They went there to go to a store called Marvin Batsons Dog and Archery Supplies. Gary had to get some dog collars made for his hunting dogs. Cathie went in with him. She said she walked around for a little bit looking at all their stuff for sale. She saw behind one counter a guy who was about my age and very nice looking. So she put two and two together and decided on my behalf to ask this guy if he was married or had a girlfriend. He said no and she said she had a niece who was looking for someone nice to go out with. He, probably joking at the time, said, "Well, send her my way!" When Cathie came back and told me what she had done, I just about fell over from embarassment! I thought, geez, how desperate does that sound? Then she proceeded to tell me what this guy looked like. You have to know Cathie. Sometimes I can't tell if she is exaggerating to get my hopes up or if she is just pulling my leg. But she described this guy as a hooter. That's what we call good-looking guys. So, knowing Cathie, I took just the opposite of what she told me he looked like and pictured this big, gut hanging out, long-haired, back woods, Jethro type, looking to go out with anyone he could. But she did say his eyes were incredible. I thought how could she lie about eyes? Anyhow, I just blew it off. I thought to myself, even if Cathie wasn't exaggerating about this guy, how in the heck was I going to meet him in a dog supply store? I didn't need anything in there. What was I going to do, go in and buy one dog collar?

Well, that's what I did!

I was so nervous, I thought I was going to pass out. I got all "dolled" up and drove over there. When I got there, I had to drive by four or five times until all the customers were gone. I didn't want to go in and have someone else wait on me. I wanted him to. Finally I walked in the door. He was to my right when I went in. We looked at each other and said hi at the same time. I couldn't quit staring at him as I proceeded to walked right past him and up to another man behind the counter. Stupid me! I asked the guy (which happened to be his dad) for one dog collar with an i.d. tag. I can't believe he even heard me because I said it so quiet. I really felt like a ding-a-ling now, because I had already seen what he looked like (which was my whole purpose for going there) and now I had to go through with the rest of my plan (which was silly in the first place). I got my collar and turned to leave and he had his back to me straightening shelves. Please turn around so I can see you one more time! He didn't, so I left. I was so glad that whole five minutes was over. And I was so excited that he turned out to be nothing I expected. He was better. Very handsome and very squeezable. And just as Cathie had said, incredible eyes! I must have drove 75-80 m.p.h. all the way back to Cathie's house to tell her about what happened. By the time I had got to Cathie's, I had already been going through the "what if I had done that, what if I had said this" stage. I didn't say anything to him except hi. How was I going to ever see him again? I was not going in there again for another dog collar. No way! Besides, I thought he was so cute, he had to have a girlfriend.

Well, a little more than a week had passed and it was getting close to Valentines Day. I was a little bummed out about not getting a valentine this year, but it didn't bother me that much. Not much, until my Aunt Cathie came over. She wanted me to help her make some valentines for some little kids she knew. Now I was in the mood. I wanted a valentine and also wanted to give one away. We started talking about HIM. She suggested I fix up a valentine and leave it where he could find it. It sounded childish and silly to me at first and I said I wouldn't do it. But the more I thought about it, it would be the perfect way to at least get my phone number to him without having to go back and embarrass myself again in that store. O.K. I'll do it. But if he doesn't call, I'll know he also thought it was childish and I will never bother him again.

It was Valentine's Day. The day I was also going to give away a valentine, a special valentine. I drove to Elwood as fast as I could with that little valentine with a roll of Lifesavers attached. I didn't realize until I got there, where I was going to put this thing. I'll put it on the windshield of his truck. Which one was his? Aha, the one that says, 'Marvin Batsons Dog Supplies' on the side. I ran up to it and just set the valentine on top of the windshield wiper. He was sure to see it before he drove off. I left. I had to get home as quick as possible in case he called.

I stayed home all night. Waiting. Every time the phone rang, I just knew it was him. I kept telling myself, now, don't giggle like a little girl or yak about yourself the whole time. Ask him lots of questions about himself. That way he'll call back later wanting to know more about you. Sounds like something my mother would say. If it wasn't him on the phone, I would just get that more depressed because he hadn't called yet. He probably threw my valentine away or his girlfriend found it and now he's in big trouble. I went to bed that night with no important phone calls.

By morning I had just blown it off. I figured he had already found my valentine and had blown me off as a weirdo. Oh well, another day, another red face. How childish anyway.

Work that day was kind of depressing. I had been so excited about the night before that I exhausted myself. The day was over and I went home. About ten minutes after I got home, the phone rang. It was him! I couldn't believe it. He was calling me. He didn't think my valentine was silly. He said that his dad had put it on the windshield of his truck the night before. I had put it on the wrong truck. He said his dad didn't notice it on his truck and drove all the way home without the valentine falling off. Is that fate or what? I did exactly what I told myself not to do. I giggled so much while I was on the phone with him, that my face hurt by the end of the call. He told me a little about himself and I told him a little about me. He had a very nice voice. He said he might call me back later in the week and see if I wanted to go do something the next weekend. I said, sure, that would be nice. We hung up. I was ecstatic. He sounded like a real cool guy. I called everybody. My mom, Cathie, my sister and my grandma. I couldn't believe it all worked. He called. He called, he called. HE CALLED!!!

I was flying high for two days. That's all I could think about, was him calling me to go out. I was already ga-ga over this guy I hadn't even seen him but once and I really didn't know that much about him. I started thinking "am I this desperate that after all this time, the first person I talk to turns me into a love sick puppy? Or is it just that he might be the one for me and I want more of him?" I don't know. If he called back and wanted to go out, what was I going to wear? That's the big question!

By Thursday night, he hadn't called yet. I was worried that he decided that he didn't want to go out, so he wouldn't call. I always think the worst about things and I thought if I don't at least talk to him and see if he's still interested, I'll sit here all night going over our first conversation wondering what I said to turn him off. I'll go nuts. So I decided I'll just call and see what he's up to.

I called and he answered the phone. I asked him what he was doing and he said he was getting ready to call me. I felt like such a ding dong! If only I had waited an hour or so, I wouldn't have just made a fool of myself. The phone call was short and consisted mainly of "How are you and do you want to do something Saturday night?" I said yes and that was about it. We hung up shortly after that. I was so excited that I just had to make my rounds of phone calls again. I called my sister--"Let's go shopping!"

After a few hours of shopping the next night with my sister, I was ready. My first real date since I was divorced and was I nervous.

He walked in my front door, smiled and said hi. He was so much taller than he seemed in the store. I got my coat and we left off for the nicest date I have ever had in my life. It was obvious we were both a little nervous by the contents of our conversations, but that was to be expected. He was such a gentleman. He opened every door and was real polite and actually had some decent table manners. Very hard to find these days I'm told.

The date ended back at my house later that night. He walked me to the door and we told each other how much fun we had. I felt silly standing there talking because I knew he knew what I was waiting for. A goodnight kiss. After a little more saying goodnight, he said he thought he better go. Then he slowly bent down and planted a BIG ONE on me. Right on the cheek! I thought I was going to faint. My heart was pounding so much, I could hardly say goodbye. He left.

I melted all over the house. He is such the Perfect Gentleman, he kissed me on the cheek. Just like in the old days.

Well, of course, I had to call someone. I called Cathie. She was the only one I knew who wouldn't care if I called her so late. It was only 2 a.m.

That was our first date. A lot has happened since then. We have never had any arguments between the two of us. Everyone I know seems to really like him alot. I've met most of his friends and everyone seems real nice. I have never had so much fun with one person in my life. He treats me like a princess and is always concerned with how I am. I love him like I've never loved anybody before and he is the world to me.

After 8 months of going out, we signed the loan papers on a house in Elkland, Mo. on Halloween Day, 1994. That night he asked me to marry him. Of course I said yes and plans are to get married on May 6, 1995. We have big plans of our future together. I'm sure we are going to have kids someday. He will make a great father. I'm in no hurry though. I want to have him all to myself for as long as possible. Right now, we'll just stick with fixing up our house in the woods the way we want to. So far, my dreams are coming true. A beautiful man, a beautiful house and a beautiful place to put it all.

I'll never stop dreaming.

So that's it, girls. The only thing that really changed is that we got married on May 13th instead of May 6th.

I love your daddy so much! And without him, I couldn't have had you. I love you both! I'm so blessed and lucky to have you all.
Love,
Momma

What an inspiring post!

2007-11-02T14:36:00.000-05:00

Within the past two weeks, I came across a blog that stood out to me. I had been looking for vintage Halloween labels and found a good deal of them at Kattitudes blog. After scanning around her site and reading some of her posts, I sort of got the impression that she sounded like my long lost twin....except for the crafty part. She's VERY crafty, I am just trying to find my niche in the crafting world. I know it's there but my interests are very broad right now and I need to whittle them down to a few do-able crafts projects. And even then, I keep putting off starting any of them because there's either not enough time, not enough room or not enough money to get them started. I do this with a lot of things, not just craft ideas.
Anyway, I had a suspicion that Kat and I had similar daily lives as far as housework and family life go. I confirmed this through this post. The part of her post that smacked me in the face the hardest was a few words her mother spoke to her when she was ten years old:

When you spend all day cleaning and cooking, everything gets destroyed the minute you do it. You clean something, someone comes through and messes it up again. You cook a meal, someone comes through and eats it and messes up the dishes and all you have is another mess to clean. There is never anything left over for you to sit and admire. There is never anything for you to enjoy or for anyone to appreciate the hard work you put into it. And when you make something, you have something tangible to show for all the hard work you do.

This is EXACTLY how I feel sometimes. Ok, not sometimes, all the time!
I feel unappreciated and lost. I feel like there's not enough time for me and the things I want to do or accomplish. I'd like to start a new project or take a class. At least I'd have something that I did all by myself, for myself. But then in creeps the procrastinator in me that says, "You can't do this right now because of this reason, that reason and the other reason.".

An inspiring post by Kat, indeed. I swear we are long lost twins. Her post picked me up in heart and soul and made me realize I am not alone. I know she wasn't talking specifically to me when she wrote that post but it sure felt like it. She made me think about the things I want to do and made me realize I can do whatever I want to do, I just need to get up and do it. Whether it be crafts or education or any type of goal, I want to have that glow in my heart she talked about and be able to say, "I did that!".

Hilarious Email from Cousin Kate!

2007-11-02T12:49:00.000-05:00

This one comes from my cousin Kate who lives in Germany.
I don't know the original source for this hilarious piece of internet humor but if anyone knows the original poster, please let me know so I can give them credit. This is priceless!

JCP Catalog - A Trip Down Memory Lane

Last weekend, I put an exhaust fan in the ceiling for my wife's grandfather. While my wife's brother and I were fitting the fan in between the joists, we found something under the insulation. What we found was this:

A JC Penney catalog from 1977. It's not often blog fodder just falls in my lap, but holy hell, this was two solid inches of it, right there for the taking. I thumbed through it quickly and found my next dining room set, which is apparently made by adding upholstery to old barrels:

Also, I am totally getting this for my bathroom:

There's plenty more home furnishings where those came from, however I'm not going to bore you with that. Instead, I'm going to bore you with something else. The clothes.

The clothes are fantastic.

Here's how to get your butt kicked in elementary school:

Just look at that belt. It's like a boob-job for your pants. He probably needed help just to lift it into place. The belt loops have to be three inches long. And way to pull them up to your armpits, grandpa.

Here's how to get your butt kicked in high school:

This kid looks like he's pretending to be David Soul, who is pretending to be a cop who is pretending to be a pimp that everyone knows is really an undercover cop. Who is pretending to be 15.

Here's how to get your butt kicked on the golf course:

This "all purpose jumpsuit" is, according to the description, equally appropriate for playing golf or simply relaxing around the house. Personally, I can't see wearing this unless you happen to be relaxing around your cell in D-block. Even then, the only reason you should put this thing on is because the warden made you, and as a one-piece, it's slightly more effective as a deterrent against ass-rapery.

Here's how to get your butt kicked pretty much anywhere:

If you look at that picture quickly, it looks like Mr. Bob "No-pants" Saget has his hand in the other guy's pocket. In this case, he doesn't, although you can tell just by looking at them that it's happened - or if it hasn't happened, it will. Oh yes. It will. As soon as he puts down his matching coffee cup.

Here's how to get your butt kicked at the beach:

He looks like he's reaching for a gun, but you know it's probably just a bottle of suntan lotion in a holster.

How to get your butt kicked in a meeting:

If you wear this suit and don't sell used cars for a living, I believe you can be fined and face serious repercussions, up to and including termination. Or imprisonment, in which case you'd be forced to wear that orange jumpsuit.

How to get your butt kicked on every day up to and including St. Patrick's Day:

Dear God in Heaven, I don't believe that color exists in nature. There is NO excuse for wearing either of these ensembles unless you're working as a body guard for the Lucky Charms leprechaun.

In this next one, Your Search For VALUE Ends at Penneys.

As does your search for chest hair.

And this -- Seriously. No words.

Oh wait, it turns out that there are words after all. Those words are What.The.H*** . I'm guessing the snap front gives you quick access to the chest hair. The little tie must be the pull tab.

Also, judging by the sheer amount of matching his/hers outfits, I'm guessing that in 1977 it was considered pretty stylish for couples to dress alike. These couples look happy, don't they?

I am especially fond of this one, which I have entitled "Cowboy Chachi Loves You Best."

And nothing showcases your everlasting love more than the commitment of matching bathing suits. That, and a blonde girl with a look on her face that says, "I love the way your junk fights against that fabric."

Then, after the lovin', you can relax in your one-piece matching terry cloth jumpsuits:

I could go on, but I'm tired, and my eyes hurt from this trip back in time. I think it's the colors. That said, I will leave you with these tasteful little numbers:

Man, that's sexy.

Ok....Here I go!

2007-11-01T12:04:00.000-05:00

Today marks the beginning of NaBloPoMo. I awoke this morning with the dreaded feeling of "what was I thinking?". But as I said in my previous post, this is a chance to get motivated and do something I have always wanted to do but always put it off for whatever stupid reason. I intend to see this through this time. I'm really not sure what I should start out talking about. I decided to do this because I love blogging. I really do. But I don't always have a lot to say that wouldn't bore a person to tears.

I am a stay-at-home mom and nothing of any big importance every happens around here worth telling the world about. And I don't have any hobbies to report on because I have a nearly 2 year old running around here. I live in a tiny house with no room to open up a craft box right now. Hopefully all that will change when we move this spring. My top priority for a house will be a room for my computer and my craft boxes. I am tired of putting things off that I want to do because of time and space restrictions and because of other people.

I turn 40 next month and I am so not looking forward to it. I personally don't think I look or act like I am 40 years old. Maybe I am kidding myself, I dunno. But that's how I feel. The thought of turning 40 has given me really bad vibes lately. I keep having these feelings of worthlessness creeping up on my me on a daily basis. I feel like if I don't do something now, I am never going to do it and you might as well shoot me now and get it over with. I can't stand the thought of my obituary being written (hopefully) many years from now and the only thing anyone can think to write about me is that I took care of my kids and cleaned my house. My mother-in-law died a couple years ago and I pretty much got nothing out of her obituary except the fact that she was married for 40some years to the same man, had a couple boys and liked to paint. I don't mean that as a negative towards her, I just want my obituary to say more.

My dream would be to own my own business. Not sure what that business would be, but to be my own boss is the main perk I am looking for. I'm pretty sure this is everyones dream too but I am so far away from realizing a dream like that right now that it's completely depressing. I feel trapped. Trapped by my kids, trapped by the lack of funds to make anything substantial happen, and trapped by my lack of education of the things I need to do to make my dreams come true.

Boy, what a first post. I have singlehandedly managed to bring myself down to a whole new low today. Oh joy....I wonder what tomorrows post will bring! ugh Maybe this blogging for 30 straight days thing isn't such a good idea after all.

I'm off to put the mini-monster down for a nap and do a bit more cleaning on the house. I need to call my Nanny, bring in my plants from outside, pack up Halloween stuff and clean out our bill filing drawer. I couldn't stick another receipt down in there if I tried.

But before I go, just a quick FYI for my sister..........
If there are ANY plans whatsoever by anyone in our family to even attempt to set me up on my birthday with ANYTHING that even remotely says or implies that crappy 40th birthday theme "Over The Hill", you better get out your lighter and burn it or get people to change their tunes about wishing me a happy birthday with any of that crap. I am so not into turning 40, that I will scratch out the eyes of any person making it any worse for me than it already is. Don't think I don't mean it.
Love ya!
S.

Tomorrow, yawl!

NaBloPoMo, here I come!

2007-10-31T10:55:00.000-05:00

Click the kitty to see my NaBloPoMo page!
<-- <-- <-- <--

I'm going to participate in NaBloPoMo this year. NaBloPoMo stands for National Blog Posting Month. It starts tomorrow.

Basically NaBloPoMo is a spin-off of NaNoWriMo which is National Novel Writing Month. Now for various reasons, I know I could never do the NaNoWriMo. It's way too time consuming. (Did I mention I have a toddler in the house?)
The goal of NaBloPoMo is to post at least once for the 30 consecutive days of November. I think that's a more reachable goal for me rather than writing at least two pages a day for NaNoWriMo. I may have to try for that goal when my little one gets a little older and not so clingy.

I hope you'll join me in this endeavor and read and comment on what I will have posted over the next month. I have a real struggle with posting every day or every other day. I am hoping this will motivate me and encourage me to post more.
So I have a deal to make with you all........if you keep reading, I'll keep writing.

Happy Halloween, yawl!
See you tomorrow!

Email From Uncle Doug

2007-10-30T09:41:00.000-05:00

AT THE CAR WASH - A TRUE STORY

Bill owns a company that manufactures and installs car wash systems (Magic Wand Car Wash Systems, just in case you want to buy one). These are complete systems, including the money changer and money taking machines. Bill's company installed a car wash system in Frederick, Md.

The problem started when the new owner complained to Bill that he was losing significant amounts of money from his coin machines each week. He went as far as to accuse Bill's employees of having a key to the boxes and ripping him off. Bill just couldn't believe that his people would do that, so they set up a camera to catch the thief in action. Well, they did catch him on film!

Here's the bird sitting on the change slot of the machine:

The bird had to go down into the machine, and back up inside to get to the money:

Here's one with three quarters in his beak:

Also, they found that it wasn't just one bird - there were several working together. Once they identified and tracked the thieves, they found over $4000 in quarters on the roof of the car wash and more under a nearby tree.

Interesting Email From My Sister, Krissy

2007-10-23T11:34:00.000-05:00

Read the scenario and then read what the outcome would have been in 1977 and then what the outcome would be today.

SCHOOL 1977 vs. 2007

Scenario: Jack goes quail hunting before school, pulls into school parking lot with shotgun in gun rack.
1977 - Vice Principal comes over, looks at Jack's shotgun, goes to his car and gets his shotgun to show Jack.
2007 - School goes into lock down, FBI called, Jack hauled off to jail and never sees his truck or gun again. Counselors called in for traumatized students and teachers.

Scenario: Johnny and Mark get into a fistfight after school.
1977 - Crowd gathers. Mark wins. Johnny and Mark end up buddies.
2007 - Police called, SWAT team arrives, arrests Johnny and Mark. Charge them with assault, both expelled even though Johnny started it.

Scenario: Jeffrey won't be still in class, disrupts other students.
1977 - Jeffrey sent to office and given a good paddling by the Principal. Returns to class, sits still and does not disrupt class again.
2007 - Jeffrey given huge doses of Ritalin. Becomes a zombie. Tested for A.D.D. School gets extra money from state because Jeffrey has a disability.

Scenario: Billy breaks a window in his neighbor's car and his Dad gives him a whipping with his belt.
1977 - Billy is more careful next time, grows up normal, goes to college, and becomes a successful businessman.
2007 - Billy's Dad is arrested for child abuse. Billy removed to foster care and joins a gang. State psychologist tells Billy's sister that she remembers being abused herself and their Dad goes to prison. Billy's mom has affair with psychologist.

Scenario: Mark gets a headache and takes some aspirin to school .
1977 - Mark shares aspirin with Principal out on the smoking dock.
2007 - Police called, Mark expelled from school for drug violations. Car searched for drugs and weapons.

Scenario: Pedro fails high school English.
1977 - Pedro goes to summer school, passes English, goes to college.
2007 - Pedro's cause is taken up by state. Newspaper articles appear nationally explaining that teaching English as a requirement for graduation is racist. A.C.L.U. files class action lawsuit against state school system and Pedro's English teacher. English banned from core curriculum. Pedro given diploma anyway but ends up mowing lawns for a living because he cannot speak English.

Scenario: Johnny takes apart leftover firecrackers from 4th of July, puts them in a model airplane paint bottle, blows up a red ant bed.
1977 - Ants die.
2007 - B.A.T.F., Homeland Security, F.B.I. called. Johnny charged with domestic terrorism, F.B.I. investigates parents, siblings removed from home, computers confiscated, Johnny's Dad goes on a terror watch list and is never allowed to fly again.

Scenario: Johnny falls while running during recess and scrapes his knee. He is found crying by his teacher, Mary. Mary hugs him to comfort him.
1977 - In a short time, Johnny feels better and goes on playing.
2007 - Mary is accused of being a sexual predator. She faces 3 years in State Prison, will be labeled a pedophile and will never be allowed to teach again . Johnny undergoes 5 years of therapy and ends up on Jerry Springer.

This next one is compliments of Kristina XXXX and has nothing to do with the schools. I'm adding this one myself.

Scenario: Billy and his friends gather for a neighborhood game of baseball in an empty lot across the road. Billy's team loses but he challenges them to a rematch the following day.

1977 OR 1987 - The kids gather and play a tight second game. Billy's team wins and they rematch every other day.

1997 - The owner of the empty lot calls the law on the kids for trespassing. They can't go back. They play the next game in a broken glass sprinkled parking lot. Billy gets a laceration to his right forearm sliding into home plate. 28 stitches.

2007 - Billy's team gets so angry that they lost the first game that later that night, his team performs a drive-by shooting on each member of the opposing team. Billy's team goes home feeling victorious.

Quotes from Steven Wright - Part 6

2007-09-28T13:07:00.000-05:00

PART 6

If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.

Drugs may lead to nowhere, but at least it's the scenic route.

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.

Borrow money from pessimists-they don't expect it back.

Half the people you know are below average.

99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.

I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. So I said, "Got any shoes you're not using?"

My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.

Someone sent me a postcard picture of the earth. On the back it said, "Wish you were here."

Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.

If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.

My dental hygienist is cute. Every time I visit, I eat a whole package of Oreo cookies while waiting in the lobby. Sometimes she has to cancel the rest of the afternoon's appointments.

My socks DO match. They're the same thickness.

Officer, I know I was going faster than 55MPH, but I wasn't going to be on the road an hour.

I have two very rare photographs. One is a picture of Houdini locking his keys in his car. The other is a rare photograph of Norman Rockwell beating up a child.

I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place.

I went to the hardware store and bought some used paint. It was in the shape of a house. I also bought some batteries, but they weren't included.

I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the statues that are in all the other museums.

Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time.

When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask me if I'm leaving.

When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any firearms with me. I said, "Well, what do you need?"

You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?

Chuck Norris Jokes - Part 3

2007-09-28T13:06:00.000-05:00

Chuck Norris doesn't bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint.

It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.

There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Chuck Norris lives in Oklahoma.

When Chuck Norris is in a crowded area, he doesn't walk around people. He walks through them.

Chuck Norris once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.

Chuck Norris CAN touch MC Hammer.

Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.

Everybody loves Raymond. Except Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris’s penis is so big that it has a penis of its own and it is still bigger than yours.

Chuck Norris doesn’t consider it sex if the woman lives.

Pee Wee Herman got arrested for masturbating in public. The same day, Chuck Norris got an award for masturbating in public.

Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.

Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.

Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.

When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up; he's pushing the Earth down.

There is in fact an “I” in Norris, but there is no “team”… not even close.

Using his trademark roundhouse kick, Chuck Norris once made a field goal in RJ Stadium in Tampa Bay from the 50 yard line of Qualcomm stadium in San Diego.

Chuck Norris does not own a stove, oven, or microwave, because revenge is a dish best served cold.

Chuck Norris CAN slam a revolving door.

Superman once watched an episode of Walker, Texas Ranger. He then cried himself to sleep.

Chuck Norris doesn't step on toes. Chuck Norris steps on necks.

Chuck Norris does not "style" his hair. It lays perfectly in place out of sheer terror.

There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up.

Chuck Norris did in fact, build Rome in a day.

Chuck Norris is the only person in the world that can actually email a roundhouse kick.

Still shaking head from the last post and I come across this one......

2007-09-26T14:36:00.000-05:00

Bad boy of haute couture, Gareth Pugh, introduced a new type of head wear in his Spring/Summer 2008 Fashion Show in London.

via Neatorama

WHO WEARS THIS STUFF?!?!?

What the #$*!

2007-09-26T12:50:00.000-05:00

I've always wondered how I acquired such a deep frown line in between my brows. I got it from reading all the weird crap on the internet.

Look at the picture and then touch that same spot between your eyebrows.

I'll bet you have one too.

Now, I've seen weirder shoes than this. A LOT weirder. But usually those weirder shoes come from designers in other countries or from designers that aren't as well known and are trying to make a name for themselves by shocking the general population with their designs. But THIS shoe, this backwards heel, freak show pair of shoes come from a well-known American designer.
Marc Jacobs.
THE Marc Jacobs.

What the heck is he thinking?!?

Interesting animals!

2007-09-25T19:36:00.001-05:00

The wonderful website Cellar.org posted these a couple days ago.

I just love the curly-haired pigs!

But the frilled shark really freaks me out.

She would have been 38 years old today.......

2007-09-25T14:07:00.000-05:00

My sister Jeannie. She passed away at the age of 5 from complications of a brain aneurysm.

These are all the pictures that I have of her. She was so cute.

I can't even imagine what life would be like with her around.

The Daffodil Principle

2007-09-25T13:44:00.000-05:00

I don't remember where I first saw this. I think it's just beautiful and so inspiring. The Daffodil Principle Several times my daughter had telephoned to say, "Mother, you must come to see the daffodils before they are over." I wanted to go, but it was a two-hour drive from Laguna to Lake Arrowhead "I will come next Tuesday", I promised a little reluctantly on her third call. Next Tuesday dawned cold and rainy. Still, I had promised, and reluctantly I drove there. When I finally walked into Carolyn's house I was welcomed by the joyful sounds of happy children. I delightedly hugged and greeted my grandchildren. "Forget the daffodils, Carolyn! The road is invisible in these clouds and fog, and there is nothing in the world except you and these children that I want to see badly enough to drive another inch!" My daughter smiled calmly and said, "We drive in this all the time, Mother." "Well, you won't get me back on the road until it clears, and then I'm heading for home!" I assured her. "But first we're going to see the daffodils. It's just a few blocks," Carolyn said. "I'll drive. I'm used to this." "Carolyn," I said sternly, "please turn around." "It's all right, Mother, I promise. You will never forgive yourself if you miss this experience." After about twenty minutes, we turned onto a small gravel road and I saw a small church. On the far side of the church, I saw a hand lettered sign with an arrow that read, "Daffodil Garden." We got out of the car, each took a child's hand, and I followed Carolyn down the path. Then, as we turned a corner, I looked up and gasped. Before me lay the most glorious sight. It looked as though someone had taken a great vat of gold and poured it over the mountain peak and its surrounding slopes. The flowers were planted in majestic, swirling patterns, great ribbons and swaths of deep orange, creamy white, lemon yellow, salmon pink, and saffron and butter yellow. Each different-colored variety was planted in large groups so that it swirled and flowed like its own river with its own unique hue. There were five acres of flowers. "Who did this?" I asked Carolyn. "Just one woman," Carolyn answered. "She lives on the property. That's her home." Carolyn pointed to a well-kept A-frame house, small and modestly sitting in the midst of all that glory. We walked up to the house. On the patio, we saw a poster. "Answers to the Questions I Know You Are Asking", was the headline. The first answer was a simple one. "50,000 bulbs," it read. The second answer was, "One at a time, by one woman. Two hands, two feet, and one brain." The third answer was, "Began in 1958." For me, that moment was a life-changing experience. I thought of this woman whom I had never met, who, more than forty years before, had begun, one bulb at a time, to bring her vision of beauty and joy to an obscure mountaintop. Planting one bulb at a time, year after year, this unknown woman had forever changed the world in which she lived. One day at a time, she had created something of extraordinary magnificence, beauty, and inspiration. The principle her daffodil garden taught is one of the greatest principles of celebration. That is, learning to move toward our goals and desires one step at a time--often just one baby-step at time--and learning to love the doing, learning to use the accumulation of time. When we multiply tiny pieces of time with small increments of daily effort, we too will find we can accomplish magnificent things. We can change the world ... "It makes me sad in a way," I admitted to Carolyn. "What might I have accomplished if I had thought of a wonderful goal thirty-five or forty years ago and had worked away at it 'one bulb at a time' through all those years? Just think what I might have been able to achieve!" My daughter summed up the message of the day in her usual direct way. "Start tomorrow," she said. She was right. It's so pointless to think of the lost hours of yesterdays. The way to make learning a lesson of celebration instead of a cause for regret is to only ask, "How can I put this to use today?" Use the Daffodil Principle. Stop waiting..... Until your car or home is paid off Until you get a new car or home Until your kids leave the house Until you go back to school Until you finish school Until you clean the house Until you organize the garage Until you clean off your desk Until you lose 10 lbs. Until you gain 10 lbs. Until you get married Until you get a divorce Until you have kids Until the kids go to school Until you retire Until summer Until spring Until winter Until fall Until you die... There is no better time than right now to be happy. Happiness is a journey, not a destination. So work like you don't need money. Love like you've never been hurt, and, Dance like no one's watching. Wishing you a beautiful, daffodil day! Don't be afraid that your life will end, be afraid that it will never begin. ~Anonymous

Giant Cupcake Pan

2007-09-25T11:54:00.000-05:00

It's a giant 3-D, 1.5 foot high Giant Cupcake cake pan by Wilton.

And I want one!

Giant Cupcake Cake Pan

This would be great for Kaseys next birthday. Freakin' cute!

Dopie Shoes

2007-09-25T11:46:00.000-05:00

Are these for real?!?!? I hope not!

Dopie Shoes

SOOOO ugly!
The only place I would ever consider wearing something like this is around the house when I need to make a quick trip outside for something, like checking the mailbox or taking out the trash. They seem extremely convenient for purposes like that. Otherwise, I can't imagine wearing a huge flap of rubber between my toes like that out in public. They look very uncomfortable and as if they would fall off all the time. Not to mention, they don't compliment the looks of a naked foot at all....especially a mans foot!

EW!

Here I am! What A Crazy Ride It's Been!

2007-09-23T21:42:00.000-05:00

I bet you've been wondering where I've been the last few months, huh?
Well, lemme tell ya, it's been about as crazy as it could get here.

I would like at this point to use the old phrase, "To make a long story short", but if you know me, nothing about me is short, not even my daily adventures. Bear with me here......

We had a great camping trip over the 4th of July at Cape Fair Campground. We spent nearly a week there and did a lot of boating, swimming, eating and sleeping. Our camping trip over the fireworks weekend has been a family tradition for as long as we've had kids. We have a small pop-up camper that we acquired a few years after Kasey was born. Since using it, we will never go back to camping in tents again. I used to be all about the "primitive camping" trips and would have never thought about staying in a camper, but after having a child and spending many sleepless, sweaty nights with a small crying child in a tent, having any kind of shelter with A/C is a godsend.

Then, my worst fear happened. My computer completely crashed the night after we came back from camping. It was the computer that my mother gave me when she switched to a laptop. It's not that old, maybe 4 years old. I've owned computers older than this one and never had a problem with them. This one ran faster so that's why I ditched my old one and started using this one. Anyway, I think the week that I had it shut off while we were gone camping took its toll on the hard drive and it could never get itself up and running again. I didn't lose much except a few photos. So I took it in for repair and was without the "innernets" for a little over a week. Let me tell you, I don't think I have ever been so bored in my whole life! I really didn't realize how much I enjoy and use a computer for the most menial things. I bought my first one in 1999 (3 months after my first child was born) and from the time I opened the box, you couldn't pry me away from it. I thought for sure my husband was going to kill me over how much time I spent on the computer. At times, I would stay up all night and all day the next day just playing games or chatting with friends or doing sweepstakes. Even with all the stresses of having my first child and all that a newborn demands in the first few months, I just couldn't bring myself to turn it off and do the things I needed to do. I was addicted in the worst way. And it was slowly taking its toll on me. At that time, I was a smoker and drank Mtn. Dew like it was water. The combination of cigarettes, Mtn. Dew and not enough sleep was killing me. I was frequently sick, tired and couldn't function normally. I often think back to that time and regret that I allowed myself to get like that because it probably affected my daughter more than me at that time. I took great care of her and always did for her what needed to be done but nothing more. Thank God she's an as well-adjusted 8 year old as she is. I love her so much and can't get past how I could allow myself to get like that and not do for her as much as I could have. Over the last 4-5 years, I cut down my computer usage to a more reasonable time frame. More like what normal, non-addicted computer users maintain. No more overnight game playing or checking email every time I got up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom. I finally realized that I needed sleep and my health more than I needed to check my email. Since having my second child, my computer time has been cut even more. Sometimes I might go a couple days without getting on the computer. That's a HUGE improvement over the old days. But the night my computer completely crashed and the week it took to get a new hard drive put in was one of the most boring weeks I have ever experienced. You'd think that I could find something else to occupy my time with, and I did, but I did not like the fact that I couldn't go look up a recipe, or visit a website I saw on tv whenever I wanted. Pile on the fact that it was 90+ degrees outside during that time and I am still in that "stuck inside with an infant" stage and you can see why I got so bored. You can only clean your house so much before you run out of things to do and need other things to occupy your time.

About a week after coming home from the camping trip, my husband was the first to point out to me what I had already had suspicions about. I noticed the dark urine a couple weeks earlier but blew it off on the extreme hot weather we had been having and having come back from being on a very hot, exhausting camping trip and thinking I wasn't drinking enough water. I didn't get anxious about anything being wrong until my husband said to me one night as we sat at a ballgame that I looked very yellow to him. I too had been thinking that I looked a little yellow but again, passed it off to some weird shade of tan I acquired while on the camping trip. It wasn't until I was house-sitting for my sister while she was on vacation and ended up with some of the worst pains I'd felt since giving birth to my children that I knew I needed to make a doctors appointment. So being very jaundiced, lethargic, having very dark urine and experiencing pains around my abdomen area, I saw Dr. Clark who confirmed there was something definitely wrong since it's not very common for people of my age to become jaundiced. He also told me that my liver enzyme levels were off the chart and that I needed to get this taken care of very soon. Since I am not a drinker, drug user or abuse my body in any other way, he was very concerned and suggested I see a general surgeon named Dr. Cardwell the next day. Dr. Cardwell immediately admitted me into the hospital at Cox South and I was there for 4 days. First he thought it was my gall bladder and wanted to take it out until cat scans showed there wasn't any blockage in the gall bladder. So he had a gastroenterologist named Dr. Havaldar come in and he though it might be something to do with my liver other than a gall bladder problem. After many, many blood tests (24 vials, ugh) to rule out hepatitis, AIDS and all that jazz, Dr. Havaldar ordered a liver biopsy. That biopsy showed some damage to my liver but the doctors here in Springfield weren't able to determine what was causing the damage. So I was referred to a really nice doctor named Dr. Lisker-Melman at Washington University in St. Louis.He seemed to think it could either be a toxicity problem or an auto-immune disease, which I already have some form of because I have psoriasis. (By the way, my psoriasis has all but cleared up and disappeared since all this started, so I am VERY happy about that.) So after Dr. Lisker-Melman took another look and ran more extensive tests on my blood and liver biopsy, he's determined it's a toxicity issue. My liver enzyme levels are still in the 700-800 range and if they don't come down to normal soon, I may have to take some sort of treatment. Normal range is 40. Yes, 40! And I have been at elevated levels since at least the beginning of July. When I was admitted to the hospital, my levels were 1600+, so I have improved quite a bit but not enough for the doctors comfort. I took another blood test last week and am waiting on those results to find out where we need to go from here. Nearly $17,000 in medical bills and I still have no definitive answer as to what caused all this.

During all that mess, school started. Kasey is now in the 3rd grade and couldn't love school any more. She is a rocket in the mornings. She gets herself up, gets ready and dressed and comes to wake me up before she gets on the bus. She's growing up so fast. She is getting excellent grades and loves homework. She LOVES homework! This is a complete turn-around from last year when she could have cared less whether she ever went to school again or not. Her main interests seem to be in Science, spelling and Art, which were my best subjects when I was in school. Like mother, like daughter. I love that!

So here it is, nearly the end of summer and heading straight into fall.....my favorite season! Halloween is now close enough that we can start thinking about decorating the house and not feel as though we are jumping the gun. Halloween is one of my favorite holidays. We have decided to be a clan of cavemen and women for Halloween, so I am going to be busy trying to get us ready for that.

I've been thinking about learning how to use this sewing machine that I received from Bubbas mother after she passed away. It's been sitting here for over a year now. I'm excited about sewing but not excited about learning. Figure that one out.

That's about all that's been going on since I last posted. I'm sorry that I've neglected my blog for the last few months. I hope to get a couple more posts on here tonight and will keep up a regular schedule of posting every day or so.

Thanks for hanging in there with me! Especially you, Jeffro! Love ya!

PS...Just for the record, I do not smoke or drink Mtn. Dew anymore. After 24 years of it, I quit smoking 2 ½ years ago and have never felt better. I quit drinking soda a little more than a year ago. If you knew how much of those two things I did in the past, you'd know just how proud I am of myself for banishing those two bad habits from my life. Only thing though, they became bittersweet accomplishments for me. I probably lost 20 pounds by not drinking soda anymore but gained 30 pounds because I quit smoking. I can't win for losing....LOL

Another WalMart Atrocity

2007-07-02T20:52:00.000-05:00

Husband files 'dead peasant' suit against Wal-Mart for collecting insurance in spouse's death

When Karen Armatrout died of cancer in 1997, her husband, Richard, collected a modest amount in life insurance benefits from her employer, Wal-Mart.

But Armatrout claims that, unbeknownst to him, Wal-Mart also collected on a life insurance policy, one the company took out on Karen Armatrout years before without her knowledge.

>More

Tag......I'm it!

2007-07-02T14:09:00.000-05:00

I've been tagged!
Mary Helen of Corner of the Sky hit me with a meme a couple days ago that involves posting 8 things about myself that no one knows. I have been struggling to find 8 things about me that wouldn't bore a person to tears. My life now is no where near as exciting as it once was. I've settled into myself thanks to a loving husband and two wonderful babies.
With that in mind, I'll offer up a few things about the past and a few things about the present. Forgive me for being a name-dropper but most of the exciting things happened when I was around other people. And I have never been able to sum up things in just a couple lines like other bloggers, so you'll have to forgive me for that too.

Here goes.......

1. I had a very scary run-in with former Christian County Sheriff L.E. "Buff" Lamb when I was 12 years old. An older girl that lived down the street from me decided it would be a good idea on a boring Sunday afternoon to hang out at the local post office and break into some wall boxes and look at other peoples mail. Although I didn't actually break into the boxes, I was inside the post office with her when the town cop walked in to check his mail. We were busted. That next Monday morning, my mother and I spent a good two hours at the desk of Buff Lamb while I cried my eyes out and got a good talking to from him, while the girl I was with spent 3 months in the local jail. There ends my short-lived life of crime at the age of 12.

2. I helped open the Hemingways restaurant to the public. During that time, I delivered Johnny Morris' lunch to him in his personal office. Before the restaurant officially opened to the public, we had a couple Christmas parties for Bass Pro employees and friends of Johnny's. Oh, the stories I could tell!

3. I met the band, Bon Jovi at the old record store Liberty Sound back in 1985 when they came to Springfield for a concert at Hammons Student Center. They opened for another band, Ratt. I am working up a post with pics and the whole story behind this exciting day in my life. I still think Jon Bon Jovi is the hottest thing on two legs these days.....and Tim Tialdo.

4. I have been married once before. I am the ex-wife of a certain Greene County Deputy Sheriff who is running for the office of Sheriff next year. Again.....Oh, the stories I could tell! But I won't.

5. I once had to testify in court against a man with one arm for shoplifting from a convenience store I worked at for many years on the corner of Hwys M and 60. The one-armed bandit decided to pilfer a bottle of whiskey on a Sunday afternoon when liquor sales were banned on Sundays. In the end he was convicted and fined $25. What a joke!

6. I am currently the daughter-in-law to a local pastor of a small church. Hence the reason I do not discuss religion....with him or anyone else. I prefer to keep peace in the family rather than stir things up.

7. I love to bowfish and geocache. My husband introduced me to bowfishing when we first met. Before I met him, I had never heard of such a sport. But it's very fun and exciting. Especially at night. Our business now holds the largest bowfishing tournaments in the state.

I came across geocaching through an online friend. It's addicting and fun. Although I haven't been doing much geocaching since I had my youngest last year and with gas prices being so high, it has turned into quite an expensive hobby at the moment. But I can't wait to get back into it once things settle down some.

8. I am a Survivor addict! I have seen every show of every season except two. I have auditioned for Survivor but have never received a call-back. I would go on that show in a heartbeat. I met Rupert at a car show a couple of years ago and we got our picture together printed on the front page of one of the sections of the NewsLeader. He was as nice in person as he seemed on the show. I was so nervous meeting him.

So there you have it. Quite boring, huh?
Despite that, I like these meme tag things. I read so many local blogs and this tag thing has been around for a while, so I don't know who has been tagged and who hasn't. I think I will try tagging a newcomer to the blogging world, Louis from the Relevant to Me blog. I'll also tag my old geocaching buddy, Amy from GentleWhisper. And throw in Doug from Move And I'll Shoot. Larry at Simple Thoughts of a Complex Mind will be tagged too.
There's 4. Gotta leave some for them to tag.
Later taters!

FYI: For more things about me, check out a post I made when I first started this blog. I have yet to finish it. Wow...amazing how much has changed in the short time since I wrote that. I foresee an update coming soon.

Springfield Cardinals

2007-06-28T16:40:00.000-05:00

Bubba and I went to our first Springfield Cardinals game last Thursday night. They played the Tulsa Drillers. It was an awesome game! I'm not a huge baseball fan so I really didn't think it would be nearly as exciting as it was. Watching baseball at the stadium is so much better than watching it on tv. The only thing that I didn't like was not being able to participate in the clapping songs they played every once in a while. Being a rookie to the whole stadium experience, as soon as I would finally get the rhythm down and start clapping, it was over. I did get the CHARGE! song down pretty well though.

Our friends Richard and Jennifer had extra tickets and gave them to us.
We sat in Section EE in the Ford Redbird Roost area, in seats 3 and 4. We had a perfect view and thankfully it was in the shade. We had all the free food and soda we could handle.

The ever-so-yummy Tim Tialdo during one of the 'in between innings" events. Unfortunately, I didn't get any closer to him than this to get a picture. Bubba frowned every time I would suggest going down to the lower level to get better pics of Tim. But later, as we were leaving, we saw Tim's girlfriend. And only then did Bubba say he thought it was a big mistake for not going to find Tim earlier to get pictures. She is a total knockout!

Ironically, I had to lean over in order to take the picture of this warning. Notice all the people down below. It's a long fall down.
Funny thing is, every time the girls with the whistles came out (I don't know if they are cheerleaders for the team or what), I kept complaining to Bubba about them not throwing or sling-shotting tshirts up into the higher levels. I was getting perturbed with those girls. I really wanted a tshirt and they were just ignoring all the people up in the higher levels. Later, I realized why. I don't think anyone really wants to take such a long drop down to a lower level after reaching out over the wall for a tshirt.
DUH!
It might take me a while but eventually I will figure it out.

Louie is as Louie does.

The batteries on my digicam were getting low so it was taking a long time to recharge between shots and Louie took full advantage of that and made about 10 different poses for me while we waited. He was cracking me up! This is what I ended up with in the end.

WINNERS!!

The Cardinals won and most of the excitement came in the last inning.
We had such a great time! We are planning on going again at the end of next month. On July 31st, it's Republic Night at the stadium. And we are going again in August. Prime Source is hosting their yearly Customer Appreciation convention and a ballgame at Hammons Field is one of the perks of that convention. I can't wait!

Ouch!

2007-06-28T14:50:00.000-05:00

Man's headache mystery solved when bullet found

A FLORIDA man awoke with a severe headache and asked his wife to drive him to a hospital, where doctors found a bullet lodged behind his right ear, sheriff's deputies said.

The wife, April Moylan, fled the emergency room when the bullet was discovered but later told deputies she had accidentally shot her husband as he slept early on Tuesday.

???Accidentally???

>more

Email Joke!

2007-06-25T14:12:00.000-05:00

Another funny one from Uncle Doug!

A Polish man moved to the USA and married an American girl. Although his English was far from perfect, they got along very well until one day he rushed into a lawyer's office and asked him if he could arrange a divorce for him.

The lawyer said that getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances, and asked him the following questions:

Lawyer: "Have you any grounds?"
Polish Man: "Yes, an acre and half and nice little home."

Lawyer: "No, I mean what is the foundation of this case?"
Polish Man: "It made of concrete."

Lawyer: "I don't think you understand. Does either of you have a real grudge?"
Polish Man: "No, we have carport, and not need one."

Lawyer: "I mean. What are your relations like?"
Polish Man: "All my relations still in Poland."

Lawyer: "Is there any infidelity in your marriage?"
Polish Man: "We have hi-fidelity stereo and good DVD player."

Lawyer: "Does your wife beat you up?"
Polish Man: "No, I always up before her."

Lawyer: "Why do you want this divorce?"
Polish Man: "She is going to kill me."

Lawyer: "What makes you think that?"
Polish Man: "I got proof."

Lawyer: "What kind of proof?"
Polish Man: "She going to poison me. She buy a bottle at drugstore and put on shelf in bathroom. I can read, and it say: 'Polish Remover'."

PaperCraft Roundup

2007-06-21T11:26:00.001-05:00

Via Paper Forest

Antlor
ReadyMech
ToyPaper
Cutnejo
TerraCotta (finger puppets)
GlooMan
Custom Paper Toys (sister site to Paper Forest)

Via PaperCraft World

Japanese Paper Models

Paper Chess Set

2007-06-18T21:25:00.000-05:00

Jaime at Paper Forest posted a neat little chess set made out of paper a while back and I've just now gotten around to posting about it.
I totally love papercraft and thought this was pretty cool. I can't wait to make my own set.

Cake Art

2007-06-18T21:01:00.000-05:00

Take a look at these remarkable works of art! All cake, all edible!

Singer Sewing Machine cake

Kitchen scene cake (love the linoleum floor!)

Box of goodies cake

Reebok shoe cake

Many, many more wonderful cakes here.

Listen up AT&T..........I WANT DSL!

2007-06-15T15:05:00.000-05:00

I seriously don't understand all this.

Two years ago, when I was looking to buy the house I live in now, the ad listing stated "DSL ready". This was back when AT&T was still SBC. The guy that lived here before us was a gamer and had two computers hooked up to DSL through SBC. The lines and plug-ins boxes are still here. All I need is the equipment to plug in.
Now that I am ready to get DSL, SBC has since changed to AT&T. I have been told for nearly a year now that DSL is not available in my area. How can this be possible, I ask? There was DSL here before.....why not now? No one can tell me. I spoke with a lady at AT&T almost 6 months ago and she tried really hard to get it so I could have DSL. She even got it to the point of telling me on a Friday that, yes, it's available and she would order the equipment and send it right out. Two days later, on Monday, she calls me to tell me that my order has been cancelled because the technician says that DSL is not available to me. And she said she wasn't given a reason as to why it isn't available. The only thing she could do was put me on a DSL waiting list. Well, crap! To me, that sounds like a way to get me off the phone....... "let's put you on the list and then forget about you" kind of deal.

This is the most frustrating thing about this whole deal. Everyone around me has DSL. Even people that moved in next door AFTER we moved in here, they have DSL.
What happened to the SBC DSL gateways that made it possible to have DSL here at one time? Did they disintegrate or something?
All I am asking is someone give me a reason WHY I can't get DSL now through AT&T but back when they were SBC, it was available?

I don't want to go with satellite internet access because its too expensive.
I am too far away from the nearest wireless access here in town for a small desktop box and don't have the $250 at this time to shell out for a bigger wireless network box to be installed on the side of my house.
AT&T has the cheapest option for me right now and I am fully willing to pay it but they won't even answer my questions when I call. Their website is crap and I'm not sure the EMAIL US function is even working. If it is, it's not giving me confirmation that my emails are even going through.
If they would just give me an explanation to all this, I would be more satisfied and it would make the wait for DSL more bearable. Until then, I just sit here on my slow ass dialup about to tear my hair out over all this.

UPDATE: I finally, after about 6 tries, got an email to go through with confirmation. But I ask, what's the point of giving you 1000 character spaces to compose an email, when the system doesn't take the email if you use every one of those 1000 characters? Because I did, I surely did.

UPDATE: Incredible! Not 5 minutes after I sent the email to AT&T, this really nice guy called from AT&T. I don't remember his name because I was absolutely shocked that they called that quickly and I forgot his name.
But I can finally say, I got the definite answer I had been looking for. The reason I can't get DSL now is because in the years time that I moved in here and the day I called to get DSL, the station that I would use to hook up to DSL is filled to capacity. The stations can only hold so many connections and someone must have taken mine when it was disconnected for the year or so after we bought this house. The only way I can now get DSL is to wait until someone cancels their account and that leaves an open spot for me. I asked the guy if there was any way to expand the station to include more connections and he said not really, because it was very expensive to do. Ugh.
What a relief to know all this. I am very happy that they responded to my inquiry so quickly. I really don't understand why I couldn't have been told all this 6 months ago.
So, I still don't have DSL but at least now, I know why. In the meantime, if I want a faster internet connection, my only other alternative is to save up the $250 for a wireless network box. I don't see that happening any time soon.

Now, I'm off to create some havoc in the neighborhood and see if I can't get some people around here to pack up and move somewhere else........mmmmuuuuaaahhhhh!!!

Email Joke Time Again!

2007-06-14T09:39:00.000-05:00

I have a first time entry from my cousin, Chelsa.
Hi Chels!

I highly doubt this is true but it's still funny all the same.

This is just too funny not to share. Excerpted from an article which appeared in The Dublin Times about a bank robbery on March 2. Once inside the bank shortly after midnight, their efforts at disabling the security system got underway immediately. The robbers, who expected to find one or two large safes filled with cash & valuables, were surprised to see hundreds of smaller safes throughout the bank. The robbers cracked the first safe's combination, and inside they found only a small bowl of vanilla pudding. As recorded on the bank's audio tape system, one robber said, "At least we'll have a bit to eat." The robbers opened up a second safe, and it also contained nothing but vanilla pudding. The process continued until all safes were opened. They did not find one pound sterling, a diamond, or an ounce of gold. Instead, all the safes contained covered bowls of pudding. Disappointed, the robbers made a quiet exit, each leaving with nothing more than a queasy, uncomfortably full stomach. The newspaper headline read: * * * * * * * "IRELAND'S LARGEST SPERM BANK ROBBED EARLY THIS MORNING"

G.R.O.S.S!

Woman Named Butts Charged in TP Theft

2007-06-12T10:59:00.000-05:00

Woman Named Butts Charged in TP Theft
The Associated Press
June 11, 2007

Police blame a woman named Butts for stealing toilet paper from a central Iowa courthouse, and while they're chuckling, the theft charge could put her in prison.

'She's facing potentially three years of incarceration for three rolls of toilet paper,' Chief Lon Walker said, stifling a laugh as he talked to KCCI-TV about Suzanne Marie Butts. 'See, I can't say it with a straight face.'

Workers had noticed the rolls disappearing from the Marshall County Courthouse much faster than usual, Walker said.

Butts, 38, was caught last week after an employee saw her taking three rolls of two-ply tissue from a storage closet, Walker said.

Butts insisted it was the first time she'd pilfered toilet paper, but she declined to answer further questions on her attorney's advice.

The fifth-degree theft charge, a misdemeanor, normally carries a sentence of less than a year in jail. But Butts could face more time if convicted under the state's habitual offender law because she has prior theft convictions.

Walker did not know why Butts was at the courthouse, but said that she did not work there.

I.Am.Green.

2007-06-07T18:08:00.000-05:00

Reading through this post at Mental Floss about a blog called On My Desk, my eyes came to a screeching halt on this picture of some persons desk area. I am green with envy! Talk about my dream room! A craft room with a huge table, everything organized into bins, a computer desk area and a television in the corner. I could live in that room!

'Scuse me while I wipe up some drool........

Do you know your US states?

2007-06-07T17:59:00.002-05:00

Here's a couple of fun time-wasters for ya!

Try to match the names of the states with their shape.
Map Test

And if that's not hard enough, try this one.
Place US States

How Convenient!

2007-06-07T17:38:00.000-05:00

As if this couldn't have been predicted.....

Paris Hilton Released to Her Home

By Emily Fromm

Due to an undisclosed "medical condition," Paris Hilton has been reassigned from jail to her home, where she will wear an electronic monitoring device.

"She was not released, she was reassigned," Los Angeles County Sheriff's Dept. spokesperson Steve Whitmore said at a press conference Thursday.

He would not provide further details about the medical condition, citing privacy laws. He did not know if the condition was pre-existing, but said the decision was made after "extensive consultation" with medical personnel.

Whitmore said Hilton was released shortly after midnight on Thursday: "She was transported out of here by us, there was a transference to her attorney, and then she was taken home."

Hilton has been credited with five days of time served and will spend the remaining 40 days of her 45-day sentence confined to her home wearing an ankle bracelet with a range of 3,000-4,000 square feet.

Asked whether she would be confined completely, Whitmore said: "There's some fudge with that. If someone goes and gets their mail, if they're 30 minutes outside, that's okay. It's a complicated electronic situation."

Whitmore said the sheriff's department is not concerned with appearing to be soft on the celebrity inmate. "It doesn't matter how we look, really," he said. "We just hopefully do our job and do it professionally, with a sense of humanity."

TMZ.com reported Thursday morning that Hilton had been released early Thursday.

Hilton, 26, began her sentence Sunday night at the Century Regional Detention Facility in Lynwood, south of Los Angeles.

The heiress was sentenced to 45 days in jail for violating her probation by driving with a suspended license. Amid speculation that she would actually serve much less time due to prison overcrowding, police said she would spend at least 23 days behind bars.

WHAT A JOKE!?!?!
If this had been anyone else, they'd still be sitting in that tiny jail cell.

********************************************************************
UPDATE:
Rev. Al Sharpton is throwing his two cents in the ring about the Paris Hilton home release debauble. Although I don't know why he's doing it, I couldn't agree with him more.

Outrage: Sharpton Bashes Paris Transfer

By Tim Nudd

The Rev. Al Sharpton delivered a rebuke to the California justice system for allowing Paris Hilton to leave jail and serve her sentence at home, saying the move reveals a dangerous double standard.

"This early release gives all the appearances of economic and racial favoritism that is constantly cited by poor people and people of color," the civil-rights leader and president of National Action Network said Thursday, according to the Drudge Report. "There are any number of cases of people who handle being incarcerated badly and even have health conditions that are not released."

Sharpton said he has "nothing but empathy for Ms. Hilton," pointing out that he appeared with her on Saturday Night Live in 2003. But he said the decision to transfer her from a Los Angeles County prison to her own home, where she will be under house arrest, is unconscionable.

"I have served several sentences for civil rights and civil disobedience actions and I even fasted, which caused health concerns to prison authorities who paid for a doctor to come see me daily rather than release me," Sharpton said. "This act smacks of the double standards that many of us raise."

Sharpton was not alone in condemning Hilton's transfer, as many pundits took to the cable-news shows Thursday afternoon to voice their outrage over the decision.

Even the women of The View weighed in on the move Thursday morning. While Elisabeth Hasselbeck said she found it "disgusting," Barbara Walters said, "I'm happy for Paris and I'm happy for her family" and guest host Lorraine Bracco admitted, "I'm so conflicted."

The studio audience, however, was unanimous. When Walters said, "I ask you very quickly, raise hands or shout out: Are you glad that Paris Hilton is reassigned to her home?" the crowd shouted in unison, "No!" Asked Walters, "Do you think it was the right thing to do?" Again: "No!"

One man who did not seem upset in the least, however, was boxing promoter Don King. According to TMZ.com, King called the Web site's offices on Thursday morning to say he was "ecstatic" about the news. "I love Paris Hilton, and I'm just delighted, ecstatic that she's out of jail," King says in the audio message. King said he has not met Hilton, but he knows her family, and he said the heiress is "what America is all about – people that stand out from the crowd."

King added that he is looking forward to giving Hilton a hug and "telling her I love her."

Don King?? I was already befuddled by Al Sharpton speaking his mind about it. Who cares what Don King has to say about all this?!?! I guess these guys are looking for ANY reason to speak up and keep their names in the spotlight.

I Can't Quit Looking At This Bag

2007-06-07T15:48:00.000-05:00

I have this thing for bags. Not just any old bag but big bags. Bags you can carry a lot of stuff in. Bags with lots of pockets and zippers, snaps and buttons.
Cool Tools posted this bag about a month ago and I have fallen in love with it. It's got plenty of room and pockets for essentials. Every pocket closes or has a zipped cover which is a huge bonus when carrying little things like keys, money and a cellphone.
To me, this looks like the perfect bag. I would use it as a purse. I carry so much stuff now for me and for the baby, I feel like I am always hauling luggage around anyway. I just love it. I want the one in khaki. But the gray one or black would go with anything too.

Ampac Tote Bag $13 Available from 1-800-luggage
Or $30 from the manufacturer, Ampac Travelware, Inc.

I wish we had an IKEA store in our area. These tote bags would come in so handy, especially on trips to the pool or on a camping trip. The measure approximately 4'x2'x2'. That's HUGE for a bag. And they are only 99¢!
Someone ship me a couple, wouldja?

Google Meme

2007-06-06T19:47:00.000-05:00

The Google Meme.............I Google my name along with 8 different words: needs, is, likes, wants, gets, says, does, and eats. Here are the weird results:

Sandy needs to be killed REAL SOON. (First entry....OMG!)
SANDY NEEDS PRAYERS, LOVE, FRIENDSHIP AND JOKES. (Yes I do....someone wants me dead!)
Sandy really needs you. (Save me!)
Sandy needs to stop going after guys who don’t want her. Sandy needs to stop substituting sex for booze and pot. (Oh, I see...in that case, yes, go ahead and kill me now.)

Sandy is my Homeboy. (Um....ok.)

Sandy Likes Milk. (True dat.)
Sandy likes apples. (One a day...)

Sandy wants to drink wine. (Ew.)
Sandy wants to leave, but Curt does not want her to. (Dammit Curt...get away from the door!)
Sandy wants to try her "Chamber of Shrinkage" to shrink a submarine to retrieve a clarinet reed stuck in Squid's throat. (If you don't have kids, you have no idea what I'm talking about here.)
Sandy wants to wallpaper a room 12' x 14' with walls 8' High. (If you're going to do it, do it big, I always say.)

SANDY GETS HER MAN. (Whether he likes it or not, I've had him for a long time.)
Sandy gets sea sick and throws up over the side of the boat. (It was all that danged wine!)
Sandy gets very angry. (Curt is still standing in front of the door.)

Sandy says, "Listening to other people talk about their drinking, I realized that we were all in the same boat." (How did I get here anyway?)

Sandy does not get enough rest.
Sandy does not like history.

Sandy eats dirt.
Sandy eats a napkin to distract everyone from the shocking state of my bow tie.
Sandy eats potatoes on sticks.
Sandy eats a lot of sandwiches.

Man...some of the crap people come up with to entertain themselves online.

I fall for it every time.

FingerJig

2007-06-06T18:57:00.001-05:00

FingerJig

Fingerjig is a 6 minute game that tests your typing prowess. Words are randomly chosen from a dictionary of over 70,000. You must try to type them as quickly and accurately as you can!

The average score for Fingerjig is 476,983. If you can beat this then you're doing well!

This is hard, man! Really hard!
I'm not even going to post my score because compared to the high scorers, it's embarassing.
Take a swat at it and see what you can do.

Trying to Go Green!

2007-06-06T17:35:00.000-05:00

Just a few days ago, I read somewhere that the best way to get started recycling is to start with one particular item and try to recycle as much of it as possible. That way, you aren't overwhelmed and can get a real feel for how easy it is to recycle things.
I started a few months ago by collecting aluminum cans for recycling. (Actually I give them to my grandfather who takes turns them in for cash. It gives him something to do.) Anyway, recycling aluminum cans is easy for us because with our recent cut down on drinking soda, I haven't had many cans at all to add to the plastic bag hanging under the kitchen sink. I have recently been thinking about recycling glass next. I would love to have this bin to make collecting all that glass a little easier and cleaner. And it would be perfect for my tiny kitchen.

The Container Store
$149.00

Abnormally Normal

Chinese Eye Test

How many zeros in a billion?

To My Husband: For the record.......

Urine Test - Email from Aunt Brenda

*~*And I think to myself, what a wonderful world.*~*

*Lost Dog*

If the Earth were only a few feet in diameter......

The Green Ones Make You Horny

Terrible Twos!

What are they worried about!?

Ponderisms

I found this email forward interesting.......

Are You Ready For This?

Rest In Peace, Zach

Happy Birthday, Bean!

Here we go......

Email Joke from Uncle Doug

Fun Blog Game

257 Ways (and counting) to Annoy People

Today is my 40th Birthday...... ugh

The Blog Readability Test

Phun with Photoshop!

Email Pic from Cousin Chelsa!

Another email joke from my sister, Krissy!

This Is What I Have To Put Up With.......

Email Joke from Krissy

I Got No Soul

Send Me Your Resumé

For My Sister.......LMAO!

Reusable Grocery Bags

Last day of the month

One holiday down, two to go.......

Quotes from Steven Wright - Part 11

Chuck Norris Jokes - Part 6

Ready For Another Round

HAPPY TURKEY DAY!

I'll Be Back...

Quotes from Steven Wright - Part 10

Quotes from Steven Wright - Part 9

Avoided the Crowds

A Day of Frustrations

Amish Friendship Bread and Uncluttering

Big Norm Fish Scaler

Let's Wabble!

Human-Pig Hybrid

U-Haul Box Exchange

Top Ten Best Opening Lyrics

The Bon Jovi Experience

The Commercialization of Holidays Is Out Of Control

Favorite Motivations

No deer.

**SMACKS FOREHEAD**

Top Ten Worst Album Covers

Top Ten Pornographic Images for Women

Life happens.

Blog, blah, blah

Quotes from Steven Wright - Part 8

Chuck Norris Jokes - Part 5

It's over.

Happy Birthday, Baby!

Quotes from Steven Wright - Part 7

Chuck Norris Jokes - Part 4

FREE GAMES!

My Love Story

What an inspiring post!

Hilarious Email from Cousin Kate!

Ok....Here I go!

NaBloPoMo, here I come!

Email From Uncle Doug

Interesting Email From My Sister, Krissy

Quotes from Steven Wright - Part 6

Chuck Norris Jokes - Part 3

Still shaking head from the last post and I come across this one......

What the #$*!

Interesting animals!

She would have been 38 years old today.......

The Daffodil Principle

Giant Cupcake Pan

Dopie Shoes

~And I think to myself, what a wonderful world.~

Lost Dog

SMACKS FOREHEAD